The Yiddisher Momma from Hell

April 19, 2010 at 8:50 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

This really happened

A WOMAN was so convinced her son’s fiancee was a no-good gold digger that she did everything she could to break the couple up, even harassing the fiancee’s ailing father in Ohio and trying to get her fired from her job.

The New York Post reported Lia Joseph, 61, was enraged when her real-estate-developer son Denis, 34, and his betrothed, Diana David, 28, tied the knot last October anyway – without the prenuptial agreement Lia had demanded.

In response, Lia allegedly did what she could to make sure her son had no money for his bride to take, and went on a campaign to ruin her son’s business interests in Brooklyn and Connecticut, Denis claims.

“It seems to be some sort of twisted Freudian thing,” a source close to the family said.

After Denis’ mother filed two lawsuits against him claiming to be the owner of his property, Denis had enough: He filed his own suit against Lia last week in Manhattan Supreme Court, accusing her of going on a “terroristic binge.”

“Fresh from a 9.5-year divorce case from Denis Joseph’s father, Lia Joseph turned her full maniacal rage against her son, his fiancee and (Diana’s) family,” he claims in court papers.

Lia repeatedly called Diana’s office at the finance firm TriOptima, asking for references so it seemed like Diana was looking for another job, the lawsuit alleges.

At Passover dinner last year, she threatened to sue Diana’s family, and just days before the wedding she called Diana’s father, who needed heart-bypass surgery, to tell him his daughter was a gold digger, Denis claims.

In an email sent to Diana, Lia blasted the young woman as “self-centered and truly dangerous” and warned her she had no rights to “our family properties” – a six-bedroom, eight-bathroom mansion in Greenwich and a property in Brooklyn that Denis leased to a car wash.

“HE IS NOT YOUR PROPERTY,” Lia wrote about her son.

“In her twisted mind, Ms Joseph viewed the Greenwich property and the Brooklyn property as ‘family’ property, even though there is no dispute that Denis Joseph is the sole owner,” Denis wrote in court papers.

Lia wasn’t invited to the wedding, and the day after her son got hitched, she filed a lawsuit in Connecticut, claiming she was a co-owner of the Greenwich property, but has postponed the case each time the court asked her to prove the claim, her son said in his lawsuit.

In December, she filed suit in Brooklyn Supreme Court seeking to divide the property in Brooklyn . Then she called the owner of the car wash, told him she was the real landlord, and convinced him to stop paying rent, Denis claims.

Lia also allegedly talked trash about Diana to her dad.

“She called me a number of times, directly at work, spending an hour or more on the phone with me and saying all kinds of things that were very disconcerting,” Frank David told The Post.

Lia claimed “that Diana was a gold digger and that she was influencing Denis in a nasty way, none of which is the situation,” Frank said. “We know Diana, and we know what kind of person she is.”

Diana, a Stony Brook University graduate who earned a 3.9 GPA, was awarded the prestigious Churchill Scholarship from the University of Cambridge in 2004 along with other academic honors, her father said. “It’s inconceivable to us,” he said of Lia’s claims.

Original story here

THE NEWS

Cat stranded up a tree for 7 days… because British fire brigade’s ladder was too short: “A frightened cat spent seven days stuck 100ft up a giant redwood tree – because the fire brigade’s ladder was too short to reach her, it emerged yesterday…. They called in the firebrigade and the RSPCA, but the 45ft ladder on the engine was still over 50ft short of reaching her in the tree. After another two days trying to tempt her down, Natasha and Chloe were advised by the RSPCA to call in specialist tree surgeons. They sent an employee to clamber up the tree using ropes and pulleys and rescued Tiggs in less than 15 minutes” [So if you are in a tall building that catches fire, call a tree surgeon, not the fire brigade!]

Men with monotonous voices are irresistible, scientists say: “Monotonous voices are associated with strength, power and confidence, researchers said. The study at universities in California and Pennysylvania, US, found that men with a steady tone of voice had a significantly higher number of sexual partners than their more expressive counterparts. Researchers measured the voices of male volunteers in various situations, including a simulated dating game, and analysed the results. The amount their vocal pitch changed – known as fundamental frequency variation – was found to be directly linked to the number of sexual partners the men had in the past year. Experts believe that the monotone has evolved as an indication of authority and independence. They cited George Clooney and Clint Eastwood as examples of men who have nonotone voice but are considered sexy.”

NY: George Washington racking up library late fees: “Librarians in New York’s oldest library have uncovered a surprising book thief: George Washington. The first president of the United States of America borrowed two books from the New York Society Library in 1789 but failed to return them. Adjusted for inflation, he has since racked up $300,000 (£195,000) in fines for being some 220 years late. The New York Society Library says it will not pursue the fine. It would simply like the books back. … On 5 October 1789, the first president borrowed two books from what was then the only library in Manhattan: Law of Nations, a dissertation on international relations, and a volume of debate transcripts from Britain’s House of Commons. George Washington did not even bother to sign his name in the borrower’s ledger. An aide simply scrawled ‘president’ next to the title to show who had taken them out.”

Australia: Cookbook recalled for … umm, bad editing?: “It is a tiny misprint, but an Australian publisher had to pulp a cookbook after one recipe called for ’salt and freshly ground black people’ to be added to the dish, AFP reported Saturday. Penguin Group Australia pulped and reprinted about 7,000 copies of ‘Pasta Bible’ after the typographical error was found in the ingredients for spelt tagliatelle with sardines and prosciutto, The Sydney Morning Herald reported. ‘We’re mortified that this has become an issue of any kind, and why anyone would be offended, we don’t know,’ head of publishing Bob Sessions was quoted as saying. Penguin said almost every one of the more than 150 recipes in the book called for salt and freshly ground black pepper but a misprint occurred on just one page, probably as a result of a computer’s spellchecker program.”

Traveling tabby gets free trip home: “No one knows how a tabby cat named Charles traveled the 1,300 miles from his New Mexico home to Chicago, but he’s set for a complimentary flight home on American Airlines in a carrier donated by an Albuquerque business. Charles disappeared about eight months ago while his owner was out of town and a friend was caring for him. … Then last week, Alex received a call telling her Chicago Animal Care and Control had picked up her wandering cat as a stray. Staffers reached out to Alex after finding that Charles had a tracking microchip embedded between his shoulder blades, said the agency’s executive director, Cherie Travis. But Alex said she could not afford the round-trip ticket to Chicago to bring Charles home, so she was afraid he might be euthanized. Enter fellow Albuquerque resident Lucien Sims. … Sims was on his way to Chicago on Thursday for a wedding, so he said he would go to the shelter, pick up Charles and bring him back to New Mexico.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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California wisdom

April 18, 2010 at 5:20 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

THE NEWS

Women want sex as much as men: “Women crave sex nearly as often as men, according to a survey that also suggests the art of seduction has vanished from modern romance. Almost 10,000 Australian men and women, aged between 25 and 45, took part in an online survey of what they think about sex. The results, published in tomorrow’s Men’s Health and Women’s Health magazines, show that when it comes to love, lust and good old-fashioned romance, the genders aren’t that different. The study found that almost 33 per cent of women want sex every day, compared with 40 per cent of men. The reality isn’t quite as exciting, with 25 per cent of women having sex once a week while one in five get lucky just once a month.”

Unbelievable Euro-madness: “An overseas holiday used to be thought of as a reward for a year’s hard work. Now Brussels has declared that tourism is a human right and pensioners, youths and those too poor to afford it should have their travel subsidised by the taxpayer. Under the scheme, British pensioners could be given cut-price trips to Spain, while Greek teenagers could be taken around disused mills in Manchester to experience the cultural diversity of Europe. The idea for the subsidised tours is the brainchild of Antonio Tajani, the European Union commissioner for enterprise and industry”

British stores use dishonest sizing to flatter women customers: “When Gemma Seager, a fashion-conscious 30-year-old, went shopping last month she found she could wear a size 12 in most shops but in Marks & Spencer she could squeeze into a size 10. Seager, from Norwich, is the latest victim — or beneficiary — of vanity sizing: a ploy in which stores flatter women by making clothes bigger so they think they are buying a smaller size. M&S insists that it has not changed the measurements it sends to its suppliers since 2003. But it has increased the ideal measurements listed for each size on its website. Other stores, including Gap and John Lewis, have followed suit. The dilemma for women is that while there is a British standard for clothing sizes, introduced in 1982, there is no requirement for retailers or manufacturers to use it.”

Poachers cash in on French love of frogs’ legs: “The springtime aroma of frogs’ legs frying in butter and garlic is something French gastronomes love to savour. But this cherished tradition is under attack from poachers. Dozens of the culprits — some responsible for the deaths of thousands of frogs — have been rounded up in a four-week operation by state gamekeepers. They face up to six months in prison and a fine of €9,000 (£7,900) if found guilty in trials later this year. However, profits are so high — a gang of four can earn €50,000 in a month — that this is unlikely to stamp out the illegal trade. The determination of the poachers was underlined recently when a farmer in the Vosges mountains of eastern France tried to stop them from laying nets in a pond near his house. They sprayed him with teargas and shot at his car with a hunting rifle”

Say sorry to your wife – it may help her live longer: “Sorry may be the hardest word – but scientists claim it could be one of the healthiest. Researchers have discovered that women who receive an apology for hurtful behaviour suffer less stress and potential damage to their heart than those who don’t. It may be of little comfort to Tiger Woods’ wife Elin, who received several fulsome apologies from the golfer for his serial infidelity, but it is claimed that the pulse of a wronged woman returns to normal 20 per cent quicker after a well-timed ‘sorry’ than without it.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Some follies

April 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Three women are bragging about how much their sons love them. The first says, “My son bought me a new car.” The second says, “My son bought me a new house.” The third says, “That’s nothing, my son every week goes into a room, lies down on a couch, and talks only about ME.”

Our illusions often make us like a man who complains to a psychiatrist that he can never get a girlfriend. The psychiatrist says, “No wonder! You smell awful!” The man said, “That’s right. I work in the circus cleaning up the elephants’ droppings. No matter how much I wash, the stink sticks to me.” The psychiatrist reasonably answers, “So quit your job and get another one.” To which the man of course responds, “Are you crazy? And get out of show business?”

What about the man who thinks his wife is losing her hearing? A doctor suggests that he try a simple at-home test: Stand behind her, ask her a question from different distances, and see when she can hear it. The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen facing the stove, and asks from the door, “What’s for dinner tonight?” No answer. Ten feet behind her, he repeats, “What’s for dinner tonight?” Still no answer. Finally, right behind her he says, “What’s for dinner tonight?” His wife turns around and says, “For the third time—chicken.”

A debate among a surgeon, a designer and a politician: The surgeon says his is the oldest profession, because God in chapter 2 of Genesis removed Adam’s rib and made Eve. The designer counters, “In chapter 1 of Genesis, God turned primordial chaos into beautiful order.” The politician trumps them: “Who do you think made primordial chaos?”

Regarding the press and religion, did you hear the one about New York Times and Washington Post reporters having lunch and betting on who knows more about Christianity? Mr. NYT says, “I’ll bet you $20 that you can’t say the Lord’s Prayer.” Ms. WaPo says, “You’re on.” She bows her head and says, “Now I lay me down to sleep. . . .” Mr. NYT hands her $20, saying, “That’s impressive. I didn’t think you knew it.”

THE NEWS

Fake doctors busted in breast implant scam: “Venezuelan police have arrested a man and woman accused of impersonating plastic surgeons and providing women with silicon breast and buttock implants from an illegal clinic in an apartment. Reinaldo Henriquez was charged with aggravated fraud while sidekick Hersi Rodriguez was accused of aiding and abetting him by recruiting clients and taking them to their surgery in the western city of Maracay, the Attorney-General’s office said. Henriquez, 26, and Rodriguez, 34, are beauticians who belonged to a gang called The Silicons and attracted customers with rock-bottom prices, local media reported. Police were tipped off by a former client and caught the suspects on April 12 in a raid of the apartment, which contained surgical equipment and a surgical table, authorities said.”

World’s biggest cruise ship breaks passenger record: “The Oasis of the Seas is claiming another world first. The massive liner, which cost $1.47 billion to build and boasts the world’s first living park at sea, is officially now the first cruise ship to carry more than 6000 guests. That record was achieved on the ship’s 16th voyage, a seven-night cruise around the Eastern Caribbean. Be prepared for more record breaking, the Oasis can legally carry 6360 passengers. The Oasis of the Seas is 360 metres long and 65 metres wide, putting it on par with the world’s largest container vessels. At 204,000 tonnes, it is four times heavier than the Titanic, and 40 per cent larger than the next biggest cruise ship, the Freedom of the Seas, also a Royal Caribbean vessel.”

Snakebite doesn’t stop TV enthusiast: “Peter Grigg was not going to let a snake bite stop him watching the premiere of Australian crime drama Underbelly – The Golden Mile. Bitten on the ankle by a 1m eastern small-eyed snake in his yard, Mr Grigg did not rush for help because he would miss his favourite show. Despite battling cramps as a result of the bite, he then turned in for the night. “I finally called David Walton from Cairns Snake Removals who said I should definitely go to the hospital.” Mr Grigg, 25, was placed on a drip on Monday and medicos monitored his health.”

Stranded in Oslo, Cleese takes taxi to Brussels: “British comedy legend John Cleese took a $5,400 taxi ride from Oslo to Brussels after becoming stranded in Europe’s volcanic ash travel crisis. “We checked every option, but there were no boats and no train tickets available,” Cleese told Norwegian TV2 in a telephone interview posted on the network’s website in Norwegian. “That’s when my fabulous assistant determined the easiest thing would be to take a taxi.” The bill? A whopping 30,000 kroner ($5,400), said Cleese, who was visiting the Norwegian capital to take part in the popular Scandinavian talk show Skavlan. The taxi carried two extra drivers for the 1,500-kilometre drive, TV2 reported. “It will be interesting. I’m not in a hurry,” Cleese said, adding that from Brussels he planned to take the Eurostar train to London, where he hoped to arrive by 3:00pm (local time) Saturday”.

Girdles for men in Britain? “It is every vain, lazy, fat man’s dream: a surefire fast track to a slimmer physique with none of the inconvenience of exercise or responsible eating. The catch? Well, despite a selection of studiously coy names — “shapewear”, “mirdles” or “undershirts” — this wonder product is really a girdle, disguised as a T-shirt. Nonetheless, the nation’s plumper gentlemen are flocking to M&S in search of some mirdle magic. Since debuting Bodymax, its first shapewear product, in January the company says that it has sold more than 15,000 of the garments. Ranging in cost from £12 (vests) to £15 (T-shirts), they promise to narrow even the most abundant abdomen by up to 1½ inches.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Is this the ultimate plastic fantastic?

April 16, 2010 at 7:46 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

But if you touch her, would she break?

She had ten cosmetic surgery procedures in one day and now an extremely inflated Heidi Montag is showing off her plastic fantastic body by stepping out in a bikini at a pool party.

She was hosting the opening of a pool party, where she unveiled her bikini body in public for the first time since she had 10 surgeries last November.

Heidi used the highly-publicised event to show off her bikini, which is from her swimwear range. “I haven’t been in a bikini since my new body and of course I’m wearing my own designs so I’m excited to show the world,” she told PEOPLE.

During her extreme surgery session she had a mini-brow lift, breast implants, back liposuction, chin reduction, neck liposuction, liposuction on her waist, hips and thighs, botox in forehead and frown, buttock augmentation, nose job, fat injections and her ears were pinned back.

Original story here. Video link at source

THE NEWS

TN: Dead man wins mayoral race: “Carl Robin Geary Sr. died of a heart attack on March 10 but that didn’t stop voters from electing him mayor of Tracy City. On Tuesday, the late Mr. Geary defeated incumbent Barbara Brock 268 votes to 85, according to Grundy County Administrator of Elections Donna Basham. ‘I knew he was deceased. I know that sounds stupid, but we wanted someone other than her,’ said Chris Rogers, owner of the town’s Lunch Box restaurant.”

Tough dog in Australia’s wild North: “A savage dog that threatened council officers was shot by police, escaped and was later lured into a cage trap – only to tear it to pieces. “Police (were) contacted and shot dog which ran out on to Girraween Rd and disappeared,” the report said. “Patrolled area for next week. Trap provided to property owner. Dog ripped apart dog cage trap.” The large, mixed breed dog is believed to be still at large in the area. The report detailed how officers – responding to a call about a “very aggressive” dog menacing someone on Girraween Rd – were forced to call the cops for back-up.

Boozy British broad: “A woman has become the first person to be banned from buying or drinking alcohol anywhere in England and Wales. Laura Hall, 20, was issued with a Drinking Banning Order – nicknamed Booze Asbos – which bars her from entering any pub, club, off-licence or bar. The two-year order also bans Hall from buying alcohol at any other establishment or shop, carrying it in an unsealed container or drinking it in a public place. She has been convicted of a series of public order offences, and had flouted bans from pubs and clubs through local Pub-Watch schemes in her home town of Bromsgrove, Worcestershire.”

British teenager who was bullied for being ‘fat and ugly’ has last laugh as she reaches final in modelling contest: “A teenager told yesterday how she triumphed over school bullies who branded her ‘fat’ and drove her to bulimia – after making the finals of a national modelling contest. Pretty brunette Emily Cooper, 19, was bullied remorselessly in school by gangs of girls both in the playground and on social networking site Bebo. Despite weighing just 12 stone the 5ft 7in tall the teen was called ‘fat and ugly’ The bright student was deliberately left out of party invitations and had to delete her Bebo account when a tormentor launched a vile attack, calling her a ‘fat ugly whore’. Now four years after going through ‘hell’ she is a finalist in Miss UK Natural Curves and has already won the Miss Popular category after hundreds of on-line voters backed her stunning figure.” Next year she plans to start and accounting and finance degree at the University of Lincoln.”

Sometimes you can’t win in Britain: “A teenager who was refused a job after being deemed unfit for work was stunned when she was turned down for benefits – for being too healthy. Nicola Hobbs, 19, was thrilled when she was accepted for a position at a council’s children’s centre. Before starting the job, she was required to undergo a routine health check which found she was not up to the physical side of the job and so she was turned down. Strapped for cash, jobless Miss Hobbs applied for employment support allowance only to be judged fit enough for work. Incredibly, it was the same healthcare company contracted by the local council and the Department for Work and Pensions that carried out both health assessments.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The guilty party

April 15, 2010 at 2:29 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

THE NEWS

Croatian teenager wakes from coma speaking fluent German: “A 13-year-old Croatian girl who fell into a coma woke up speaking fluent German. The girl, from the southern town of Knin, had only just started studying German at school and had been reading German books and watching German TV to become better, but was by no means fluent, according to her parents. Since waking up from her 24 hour coma however, she has been unable to speak Croatian, but is able to communicate perfectly in German. Doctors at Split’s KB Hospital claim that the case is so unusual, various experts have examined the girl as they try to find out what triggered the change. Hospital director Dujomir Marasovic said: “You never know when recovering from such a trauma how the brain will react.”

Man gambled away £20,000 in two hours after finding money in his account: “A man gambled away nearly £20,000 in just two hours after the money was accidentally placed in his account by Abbey. Luke Aldridge, 26, was on trip to Amsterdam following a row with his partner when he checked his bank balance and discovered he was heavily in the black. Aldridge then withdrew nearly all the cash – spending more than £18,200 playing blackjack and poker in casinos in the Dutch capital – before the error was discovered in June last year. At Shrewsbury Crown Court, Aldridge, of Telford, Shropshire admitted eight charges of theft. He was sentenced to a community order for 24 months with supervision and ordered to carry out 150 hours unpaid work.” [And the bank can whistle for its money]

Pilots make ‘miracle’ landing of Airbus in Hong Kong: “Two Australian pilots are being hailed as heroes after safely landing a crippled Cathay Pacific passenger jet in Hong Kong. The airline said the jet, an Airbus A330, was forced to perform the emergency landing at Hong Kong International Airport yesterday after the aircraft’s left engine died during its approach. The right engine suffered power surges, it has been reported, although Cathay Pacific described the engine as “functioning”. Six tyres also failed to work as the plane touched down. The jet, with 309 passengers and 13 crew on board, was flying from Surabaya in Indonesia. “One engine was shut down completely and the other was going on and off. They effectively landed the plane on half an engine.” Seven Network reported that fuel put into the plane before takeoff from Indonesia may have been contaminated, potentially disabling the engine.”

Fishing trip was a real bummer: “A fishing trip in the Cape turned sour for a 32-year-old man this morning after he fell out of the boat and had his buttocks cut up by the propeller. The keen angler was fishing near Musgrave Station, about 100km from Coen, when he slipped and fell from the boat. He sustained deep cuts to his buttocks after he came into contact with the boat’s propeller. Paramedics and Musgrave Station management treated the man for lacerations to his buttocks and upper thigh.”

Maccas tempts drunk: “The Brisbane Magistrate’s Court was told Adam Wilson developed a hankering for McDonald’s fast food as he was walking home from Fortitude Valley to Bowen Hills, in inner-city Brisbane, in the early hours of March 27. The court was told Wilson had been out at a buck’s night and was walking home when he noticed the large billboard advertising food and decided he needed to drive out and get something to eat. Lawyers for Wilson said when he got home he got behind the wheel of his car and drove to the closest McDonald’s restaurant, just a 15-minute walk from his home. Wilson, 39, of Bowen Hills, pleaded guilty to driving with a blood alcohol content of 0.176 – more than 3 1/2 times the legal limit.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

No need to boast

April 14, 2010 at 3:55 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

THE NEWS

What a son of a bitch!: “State officials have revoked the medical license of a Sarasota, Fla., doctor who aborted the wrong fetus of a woman who was carrying a healthy girl and a boy with congenital defects. In the first trimester, the newspaper said, doctors at Tampa’s Florida Perinatal Associates informed the unidentified woman that her male fetus suffered from a variety of congenital defects, including heart problems and Down syndrome, while the female fetus appeared perfectly healthy. The woman arranged for Dr. Matthew J. Kachinas, 50, to perform the procedure, in which chemicals were to be injected into the male fetus, thereby terminating it while leaving the female fetus unscathed, the newspaper said. But Kachinas failed to correctly identify which twin was to be aborted and injected the female fetus with the life-ending chemicals rather than the male one. State records show that Kachinas paid the woman and her husband a settlement amount of $250,000 for the botched procedure.”

Missing 11-year-old girl found in alligator-filled Florida swamp: “A missing 11-year-old central Florida girl with Asperger syndrome was found alive today, four days after she disappeared into an alligator-infested swamp not far from her suburban home. Nadia Bloom was taken to a hospital in nearby Longwood, Florida, where she will be evaluated and treated for dehydration and insect bites, said Winter Springs Police Chief Kevin Brunelle. Her sister has said Bloom, who has an autism-related disorder called Asperger syndrome, may have gone into the dense woods hoping to make a nature video. James King, who goes to church with Nadia’s family, found her this morning in a dry patch in the middle of the swamp and called authorities… Using cell phone signals, authorities found Mr King and Nadia.”

T-shirt can stop speeding bullet, says scientist: “The humble T-shirt may soon be strong enough to stop a speeding bullet. Scientists in the US have developed a flexible shirt made of the same material used in tank armour, by combining carbon in the shirt with the third-hardest material on Earth, boron. The plain white T-shirts are dipped into a boron solution, then heated in an oven at more than 1000C, which changes the cotton fibres into carbon fibres. The carbon fibres react with the boron solution and produce boron carbide – the same material used to make bulletproof plates in armoured vests. The resulting material was stiffer than the original cotton tee, but still flexible enough to be worn as such. “We expect that the nanowires can capture a bullet,” Prof Li said.”

British supermarket threatens old lady for eating a cookie she had bought from them: “An 86-year-old grandmother was threatened with being thrown out of a British supermarket cafe after she started nibbling a cookie she bought in the same store. A female shop assistant told “humiliated” Thelma Williams that she could be escorted out and fined for dunking her chocolate chip cookie into a cup of tea at a branch of British supermarket giant Marks & Spencer (M&S). Williams bought a scone and cookie from the food section, and then her daughter bought her a sandwich and a cup of tea in the cafe. An assistant told her she could not eat it because of the consumer tax difference between cafe and shop-bought food. “The staff made me feel as though I was a common criminal – yet I was just eating one of their biscuits,” Ms Williams said. “This woman over-reacted.”

Another horny priest: “A Massachusetts priest was placed on leave after he was arrested in a New Hampshire prostitution sting. Reverend William Ventura, the parochial vicar at St. John the Evangelist Parish in Chelmsford, was one of eight people who responded to a listing on Craigslist with the intent of paying for sex, the Nashua Police Department told The Boston Herald. Rev Ventura and the other men who were caught were charged with a misdemeanor count of attempting to solicit an adult, police said. The Boston Archdiocese said Rev Ventura had accepted a voluntary leave of absence, The Boston Herald reported.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Not bad for a politician

April 13, 2010 at 4:36 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

It’s Kate Ellis, Australia’s Federal Minister for Sport below

THE NEWS

Indiana woman earns Village Idiot title after hair sets on fire: “A woman whose hair caught fire when her hairspray-coated follicles ignited as she lit a cigarette is now a southern Indiana town’s reigning “Village Idiot”. Dani Hamm earned the honorary title this month by getting the most votes from regulars at the Story Inn, a restaurant and bar about 24km east of Bloomington where she’s a bartender. The title awarded every April comes with a $US100 bar tab at the rural inn. Hamm was driving to work in February when she lit up a cigarette and then heard a “whoosh” as her hair ignited. She wasn’t injured because she used her hands to douse her hair, which she had coated with a liberal layer of hairspray.”

Wanna bet that this turns out to be a fraud? “A snake-obsessed adventurer has embarked on a dangerous solo expedition into the wilderness without food and extra clothing, telling authorities not to search for him should he not return. Andrew Ucles, who calls himself the Snake Hunter, set off on foot from his Wollongong home a fortnight ago aiming for a 100-day trek to an undisclosed location in Queensland. Desperate to raise awareness of conservation and wildlife issues, Mr Ucles, who names Steve Irwin as his hero, went against the advice of his friends and family to tackle the high-risk expedition. Armed with just a tent, hunting knife, kayak and a video camera, Mr Ucles is determined to live off the land. Close friend Alee Hadaya said Mr Ucles had no food or spare clothing with him, but would survive on what he finds in the bush. [British survivalist Bear Grylls turned out to be sleeping in motels every night]

Freak wave saves suicidal man: “A freak wave saved a man’s life after he plunged off The Gap at Watsons Bay last night. The 45-year-old man who fell 200m was washed back on to dry land unharmed shortly after 9pm. He was found by emergency rescue crews with only minor injuries and suffering from chest pains. Rescue helicopters were able to winch the man to safety and transport him to Royal North Shore Hospital. He was reported to be in a stable condition in hospital last night.”

Penis sculpture in Malta must go before Pope’s visit, says mayor: “The mayor of a town near Malta’s main airport has called for the removal of a sculpture resembling a penis near the road leading to the capital Valletta ahead of a weekend visit by the Pope. The sculpture, which mayor John Schembri described as “obscene” and “embarrassing”, should be removed “as a sign of respect” for Pope Benedict XVI, he said. The Colonna Mediterranea, or Mediterranean Column, is the work of ceramic artist and sculptor Paul Vella Critien and was installed on a roundabout at the entrance to the village of Luqa in January 2006. Many residents of predominantly Catholic Malta have complained about the sculpture”

Pole dancing lessons at an ancient British university: “A renowned debating society at Britain’s Cambridge University says it will offer pole dancing tuition to members, in a building more used to the presence of international statesmen. The Cambridge Union Society said female students would be offered lessons in the sensuous dance more often associated with strip clubs than the historic chambers of one of the world’s top universities. A Cambridge Union spokeswoman defended the move, saying there was “nothing degrading” about it. “We are of the opinion that classes like these are a way of empowering women, as well as being a fantastic way to exercise and have fun together with other women,” she said.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Excuses excuses

April 12, 2010 at 3:10 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Driver blames little green men for ticket

A MOTORIST tried to dodge a traffic fine by claiming he was distracted by a UFO. The driver was so shocked by his supposed close encounter that he veered into a bus lane, which is off-limits to cars.

Another cheeky driver told Southwark Council in south London that he had missed a stop sign because he was colour-blind.

Incredulous officials rejected both excuses. They came to light as officials revealed some of the more ridiculous explanations cited by motorists over the past two years to try and escape motoring fines.

Others included: “It was raining. I thought I could park anywhere if the weather was bad.”

Another driver wrote: “I was only sleeping in the back of the car. The parking attendant could have asked me to move the car instead of giving me a ticket, although he would not have seen me as I had a blanket over my head.”

Gill Davies, of Southwark Council, said: “The imagination of some of these drivers is quite impressive, but UFOs and colour blindness unfortunately do not count as legitimate reasons to overturn a ticket.”

Original story here

THE NEWS

Russian warheads warming US homes: “In A strange twist of Cold War enmity on the melt, uranium from what once were Russian nuclear warheads is used to heat and light American homes, thanks to the Megatons to Megawatts Program – a successful example of nuclear non-proliferation. In 1994, the US and Russia cut a practical-minded deal to turn 500 metric tonnes of highly enriched uranium, the equivalent of 20,000 nuclear warheads, into weakly enriched uranium that could be used in US nuclear power plants. The deal so far has made it possible to reprocess 15,000 nuclear warheads stockpiled in the Russian federation, Ukraine and Kazakhstan between 1950-1987. When it expires in 2013, the program will have handled 20,000 nuclear warheads, and supplied the US with about 10 per cent of its annual power use, or half of its nuclear energy.”

Expanding bosoms: “Young women are carrying more on their shoulders than previous generations, and a lot of it has to do with the size of their breasts. As a nation we are getting bigger all over, but the number of “average-sized” women with above average bust lines has ballooned, with the most common bra cup size increasing from a B to a DD in the past 50 years. There has been a sharp increase in slim women, particularly teenagers, with very large chests up to a F or G cup, says a bra fitter, Esther Labi. “A lot of teenagers wear a 10F – they’re slim girls but they have boobs.” Ms Labi’s company, Storm in a D Cup, caters for well-endowed women who often have had an unsatisfying experience in a mainstream store.”

Wimpy British mail carriers: “Britain’s postal service says it has suspended deliveries to a woman following repeated attacks by her 19-year-old cat. Royal Mail said it had halted deliveries because postal workers had already sustained “nasty injuries” at the address in the town of Farsley, near Leeds in northern England. The woman was identified as a 43-year-old pharmacy worker. Media reports say she found it hard to believe that her cat, named “Tiger”, could be behind the attacks. She told two newspapers the animal spent most of its day sleeping and didn’t have the energy to chase postal workers. [British postal workers are heavily unionized and always looking for ways to avoid work. They often refuse to deliver even small parcels, for instance]

Rare red diamond from Australia: “Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend but pink and red diamonds are Best Friends Forever. That’s how Sotheby’s Australia justifies the $700,000 to $1 million asking price for an extremely rare 0.82-carat fancy purplish red Argyle diamond ring to be auctioned in Sydney tonight. If the ring, which features the small red diamond surrounded by two blue diamonds and a cluster of white diamonds, sells even at the lower estimate of $700,000, it will smash the record for jewellery at auction in Australia. Red diamonds are unique to Rio Tinto’s Argyle Mine, where they were discovered in 1987. Up to 60 have been released, but who bought them and for how much are tightly guarded secrets”

Drunken British sailor not allowed to swear at his TV: “A former British seaman was told to stop drunkenly swearing at politicians on his TV set – or face going back to jail. London’s Sunday Telegraph reported bearded Martin Solomon, 64, who lives alone in Stroud, in the west English county Gloucestershire, makes life a misery for his neighbors during the booze-fueled outbursts. But he promised to stay away from coverage of the forthcoming UK election in a bid to avoid prison. “I am sorry, I have nothing against my neighbors at all,” he said. “I like a drink and to cook and when I get home, sometimes late, I will switch on the TV,” Solomon said. “When I see (BBC political talk show) Question Time on, sometimes I get angry but it’s not directed at anyone else, it’s at the TV.” [Swearing is what drunken sailors do!]

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Aintree racecourse, England

April 11, 2010 at 2:08 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Aintree is the venue for the Grand National steeplechase, one of the most difficult such races in the world, and it is one of the great events in the British social calendar.

Unlike Ascot, however, it is not known for feminine good taste. Yesterday was ladies day and the British papers have published scores of images of the ladies in attendance. Most of them were revolting. The Daily Telegraph was so driven to desperation by what was on offer that a substantial number of the pictures it published were simply of the shoes the ladies were wearing.

Amid the dross, however, there was one picture that I thought quite attractive. I reproduce it below

More here

THE NEWS

Married couples talk less with age: “If you and your partner don’t have much to talk about, you’re not alone. A new study has found couples who have been married 20 years or more barely speak to each other. The British study found that couples who have been married 50 years will sit together in silence for up to 57 minutes in an hour. Unlike young lovers who chat about shared interests and goals, older couples often limit their conversation to “pass the sauce” and the weather. While some say they prefer a relaxed atmosphere, others admit they simply can’t be bothered to talk, according to the study by dating website ForgetDinner.co.uk.”

Tree snake moves into airconditioner in tropical Australia: “Residents turned off their airconditioning unit when it started making a “funny” noise. Peering through the system’s duct, homeowners poked the snake before they realised what it was when it thrashed around in the unit. Wildlife warrior Corey Wild was called to remove the reptile. “They are not regarded as dangerous to man but we recommend not to handle them as some people may have reactions to the venom if bitten,” he said. “One tenant, a lady from Canada, was totally amazed and even more amazed when I put the snake in a bag and into my backpack as if it was like nothing out of the ordinary.” The snake was released in bushland nearby”.

Sub navigator was listening to iPod before crash: “The navigator of a US nuclear submarine was listening to his iPod when it collided with another ship, causing £60m damage. Captain Commander Ryan Brookhart was relieved of his duties after the investigation revealed nearly ’30 tactical and watchstander errors’ which led to the ‘avoidable accident’. The navigator was also revealed to have been revising for an exam at the time of the collision, The Sun reported. Fifteen sailors on board the USS Hartford were injured when it rammed into the transport ship USS New Orleans in the Strait of Hormuz, a narrow passage in the Persian Gulf in March 2009. The US Navy report slammed the Hartford’s ‘ineffective and negligent command leadership’ and its ‘informal atmosphere’.”

Students ‘solve’ Europe’s pothole crisis: “Teenage engineering students have come up with a brainwave to solve the pothole problem that’s been giving motorists the hump. Cash-strapped local authorities throughout Europe have simply abandoned pothole repairs because they’ve run out of cash. Now students Domenico Diego and Cristina Corradini have persuaded Italian road safety experts to adopt their plan to simply paint all the potholes bright yellow. The pair – who study at the Polytechnic University of Milan – now hope to persuade other traffic authorities around the world to take up their ‘Street Safe’ initiative. “If you can’t afford to repair them at least let people see them so they have a fighting chance of avoiding them,” said Domenico.”

Reinventing the wheel: “They look like something from Ben-Hur – except in miniature. The creation of Adelaide electrician-turned-inventor Michael Jenkins, the wheel-skate rolls on to the international market in August. Costing up to $11,000 for a pair, the wheel-skate features two large carbon fibre wheels. The skater’s feet are suspended below the axle, which is believed to enable a smoother ride than skiing or cycling and can be worn for hours without discomfort. It can also reach a top speed of 40km/h. To pull up, skaters need to do a “t-stop,” where one foot is dragged sideways on the road surface.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

You Know You’re A Redneck When..

April 10, 2010 at 1:59 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night..

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying ‘Hey, guys, watch this’.

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, start your engines’.

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

THE NEWS

Lunch-only beer policy prompts strike at brewery: “Scores of Carlsberg workers walked off their jobs in protest today after the Danish brewer tightened laid-back rules on workplace drinking and removed beer coolers from work sites. The warehouse and production workers in Denmark are rebelling against the company’s new alcohol policy, which allows them to drink beer only during lunch hours in the canteen. Previously, they could help themselves to beer throughout the day, from coolers placed around the work sites. The only restriction was “that you could not be drunk at work. It was up to each and everyone to be responsible,” company spokesman Jens Bekke said”. [The brewers were probably just protecting themselves from a possible lawsuit]

Intel releases mind-reading software: “Mind-reading may no longer be the domain of psychics and fortune tellers – now some computers can do it. Intel showcased some of its technological innovations yesterday in Manhattan. Among the still-under-development projects was software that uses brain scans to determine what items people are thinking about. The software analyses functional MRI scans to determine what parts of a person’s brain is being activated as he or she thinks. Intel Labs researcher Dean Pomerleau says that in tests, it guessed with 90 per cent accuracy which of two words a person was thinking about.” [I wonder what it would make of my thought-processes while I was pondering (say) the derivation of the name “Arabella”?]

Swastika soap tested for human remains: “Canadian authorities are testing swastika-engraved soap seized from a Montreal shop to see if, as advertised, it was made from the human remains of Holocaust victims. The soap was seized last week from a curiosity shop on Saint Laurent Boulevard in downtown Montreal after outraged Jewish groups complained. “The store owner claimed it was made from human remains, from the human fat of Jews killed in the Holocaust,” she said. According to Canada’s public broadcaster, the store owner is himself Jewish, and told the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation he purchased the item from a former soldier. It was on sale for $US300. Historians have dismissed reports that the Nazis mass-produced soap from the remains of Holocaust victims”

Expensive baubles popular in China: “A rare 5.16-carat blue diamond sold at auction for $US6.4 million in Hong Kong overnight, confirming Asia’s fast-growing taste for the precious stone. London’s famed Moussaieff Jewellers paid more than the $US5.9 million expected price tag for the pear-shaped stone, the first blue diamond from the celebrated De Beers Millennium Jewels Collection to appear at auction. But the world per-carat record for a blue diamond remains the $US10.5 million paid by a Hong Kong property tycoon for a seven-carat blue diamond in Geneva in May last year. In December, a five-carat chickpea-sized vivid pink gem set a per-carat world record price for a diamond when it fetched $US10.8 million at an auction in Hong Kong.” [Mao would be turning in his grave]

UK pin-up girl Kelly Brook will appear in horror movie Piranha 3D: “Busty Melbourne-bound Kelly Brook is about to show off her “acting” skills on the big screen. The UK pin-up girl, who is moving Down Under this year with her rugby union-playing boyfriend, Danny Cipriani , is set to appear in horror flick Piranha 3D. The movie hardly sounds like something people will be camping out to see. And it also does not sound like the role has tested Brook’s acting skills. “The movie is all about the girls. We weren’t trying to make another Avatar,” a source told The Sun in London. Director Alexandre Aja was convinced movie fans wanted to see “T and A”. “There are a lot of 3D boobs,” he said.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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