Some signs

April 25, 2010 at 1:33 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

At a Proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit, please back in.”

At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip Call your plumber.”

On a Church’s Billboard: “7 days without God makes one weak.”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”

At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

In a Non-smoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”

On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”

On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”

At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment However, if you don’t, you will be.”

In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

At a Propane Filling Station: “Thank heaven for little grills.”

And don’t forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP: “Best place in town to take a leak.”

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: “Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”

THE NEWS

Gay dogs not welcome, diner told: “A restaurant in a northwest suburb of Adelaide that refused a blind man entry because it thought his guide dog was “gay” was ordered by the Equal Opportunity Tribunal to pay him $1500. The (Adelaide) Sunday Mail said Ian Jolly, 57, was barred from dining at the Thai Spice restaurant in May 2009 after a staff member mistook his guide dog Nudge for a “gay dog,” a tribunal heard this week. Mr Jolly and Ms Lawrence were refused entry to the restaurant – which displays a “guide dogs welcome” sign – even after providing staff with a guide dogs fact card. “The staff genuinely believed that Nudge was an ordinary pet dog which had been desexed to become a gay dog,” a statement from the hearing said.”

Porn star helps New York pizza guy escape jail sentence in Puerto Rico: “A NEW York City man dodged the threat of a 20-year prison sentence thanks to the kindness of a porn star. Carlos Simon-Timmerman, a pizza delivery man from Brooklyn, was put on trial in Puerto Rico for allegedly transporting child pornography, the New York Post said today. US customs agents found a dirty DVD called Little Lupe the Innocent in his bags as he passed through San Juan Airport security in Puerto Rico on his way back to New York. The agents said the actress in the video, porn star Lupe Fuentes, was underage, and they arrested him. But Mr Simon-Timmerman was sprung earlier this month after Ms Fuentes flew to Puerto Rico and proved in court that she was 19 at the time the film was made. At his trial this month, a pediatrician insisted Lupe Fuentes was underage.” [So much for “experts”]

Fortune telling can be a risky business: “A woman convicted of murdering a fortune teller and her daughter was today sentenced to death by a judge in Orange County, California. She still denies committing the crimes, but in March a jury recommended the death penalty for Nelson, who resided in North Carolina, for the April 23, 2005, stabbing of Ha Smith, 52, and her 23-year-old daughter Anita Vo. Nelson had been a long time client and friend of Mr Smith, who she allegedly murdered because a fortune did not come true. Philippe Zamora, 55, told the court that Nelson felt cheated because Mr Smith told her that her business would do well if she re-located to North Carolina, but instead it went bust.”

Musical Instrument Museum ready to make some noise: “One man’s dream to build a museum dedicated to musical instruments from around the world becomes a reality today as a $US250 million global musical instrument museum rises out of the Sonoran desert in north Phoenix. From bagpipes to bongos, the World’s First Global Musical Instrument Museum, or MIM, features sax appeal and more than 12,000 instruments and objects collected by the museum. Former Target stores chairman Bob Ulrich founded the MIM, inspired by a visit to a musical instrument museum in Brussels, Belgium. “We’ve got about 280-some exhibits that relate to every country in the world, relate to some of the famous celebrity and artist instruments that we have,” said Bill DeWalt, president and director of the Musical Instrument Museum.”

Slimmers who are served food by a fat person are more likely to over-indulge: “For those desperate to stay slim, the answer is simple. Never mind faddy diets and exercise – just avoid restaurants where the waiting staff are overweight. A study has discovered that people on diets are more likely to over-indulge if the person serving them looks fat, but that non-dieters will have second thoughts about tucking in. If the waiters are skinny, however, slimmers will stick to their eating regimes, while non-dieters will feel free to order what they want. The conclusions come from a team at the universities of British Columbia and Arizona and the school of business at Duke University, North Carolina.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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