Some wisdom from Will Rogers

December 18, 2009 at 2:41 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman…neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


German fortune-tellers admit all predictions for 2009 were wrong: “The US president was going to assassinated, the failed fortune-tellers claimed. The Society for Research of Paranormal Science said it checked out 140 forecasts for 2009 and every one turned out wrong. The tea-leaves readers and ouija board shufflers predicted the assassination of President Barack Obama and terrorist in the German cities of Frankfurt and Berlin. One of the few predictions which came true was the death of Michael Jackson. But the society said this had been a “permanent prediction” by its fortune tellers. But on the society’s current form, there was good news for the German national football team: the fortune-tellers pedicted the side would not reach the final of next year’s World Cup in South Africa.”

Barking mad dog eats Xmas baubles: “Cuddles the two-year-old labrador is recovering at home after swallowing Christmas decorations, costing her owners thousands of dollars in vet operations. A typical labrador with a big appetite, Cuddles thought all her Christmases had come at once, the Herald Sun reports. A “scarf” made from baubles and ribbon tossed around a stuffed toy reindeer’s neck looked tantalising, like festive food good enough to eat. Several days – and a budget-blowing $7000 – later, Cuddles is sore and sorry with a belly full of stitches. Owner Lorna Jeremiah, of Mulgrave in Melbourne, noticed the baubles were missing; however, distracted by newborn Josiah, she never suspected that Cuddles was to blame. Realisation hit only when her beloved pet collapsed in agony, at death’s door. Despite the expenses of Christmas and a new baby, Ms Jeremiah did not hesitate to foot the big veterinary bill. Cuddles, 3, was bought by Lorna’s husband Jamie in December 2007 after the couple had lost a baby. “She has filled big holes in our heart and is one of our family,” Ms Jeremiah said.”

iPhone fans have Stockholm syndrome: “IPHONE fans seem to have “Stockholm syndrome”, a report claims, as they make excuses for the very gadget that holds them captive. A crap camera, mono-tasking, it all gets explained away by the customers whose lives it undermines, a technology consultancy said this week. The condition, which Danish analysts Strand Consult dubbed “iPhone syndrome”, means people neglect their own best interests to preserve the Apple buzz. When challenged over their phone’s inability to forward an SMS, devotees dismiss the function as redundant, Strand reported. Likewise, the fixed battery gets rebutted with the excuse that hardly anyone carries spares. “When we examine the iPhone users’ arguments defending the iPhone, it reminds us of the famous Stockholm syndrome a term that was invented by psychologists after a hostage drama in Stockholm,” the report said. “The iPhone is surrounded by a multitude of people, media and companies that are happy to bend the truth to defend the product.” RMIT media and communications senior lecturer Jeremy Yuille said the technology analysts were right to compare iPhone users to people who identified with their kidnappers. Mr Yuille said iPhone fans evangelise the gadget and the relationship was akin to a sibling who constantly disappoints. “Maybe the iPhone isn’t holding users hostage, but it’s becoming part of the family. “(But) the camera sucks.”

MIT team peddles more power per pedal: “Even in [Copenhagen, Denmark], where bicycles outnumber cars on virtually every street, officials are hoping to persuade more people to give up four wheels for two. A new invention, a motorized rear wheel created by a Massachusetts Institute of Technology lab, is here to help. Dubbed the Copenhagen Wheel, it is nothing like the chunky, heavy motorized bikes exploding in popularity across Asia and other parts of the world or the oh-so-trendy scooters seen in US cities. The Wheel, with a small motor in its hub, will fit into any existing bike frame, giving riders extra horsepower for hills and longer distances. The two-year project, unveiled yesterday during the international climate talks here, is designed to make biking more pleasant in cities everywhere — and fittingly for the venue, it’s emissions-free. The Wheel’s battery pack is recharged by pedal power and braking.” [Believe that if you want to]

China: Kung fu monkeys turn tables on trainer: “A Chinese man who trained monkeys martial arts to entertain shoppers was shocked when they turned the tables on him. Lo Wung’s taekwondo monkeys have become a regular feature outside a shopping centre in Enshi, Hubei province, where they were trained to show off their martial arts skills on each other. But one quick-thinking monkey saw his chance when Lo slipped — and caught him with a perfect flying kung fu kick to the head. The rest then joined in the affray. … At one point the monkey trainer grabbed a staff to hit the monkeys, only to find himself facing a stick-brandishing monkey that cracked him over the head.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


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