5 Doctors Who Gave The World’s Worst Medical Advice

July 29, 2013 at 10:52 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Going to the doctor can be an ordeal even before your bunions are properly diagnosed as leprosy — among those forces conspiring to test your patience are interminable waits, loud children, and shitty magazines.

Some medical professionals, however, seem to go out of their way to elevate the entire experience from “horrible” to “hellish” in a way you just can’t learn in medical school. Here are five real MDs who make Gregory House look like Dr. Dolittle.

#5. The Doctor Who Prescribed Fellatio

Some medical problems require creative solutions, and sometimes those solutions involve wrangling someone’s junk in your pie-hole. When a woman in Sacramento told her surgeon that her sensitive gag reflex might complicate an upcoming upper-gastrointestinal endoscopy, Dr. J. Peter Zegarra told her that she “should be giving her husband a blow job at least twice a week to address her issue.”

He then presumably high-fived her husband while an orderly played the riff from Motley Crue’s “Dr. Feelgood.”

Is this a thing doctors do now? You slip them a 20, and they tell your wife they need to give you a BJ or they’ll die? Needless to say, Zegarra ended up getting reprimanded by the California Medical Board. Moral of the story: Doctors, don’t learn your bedside manner from Menage a Triage 5: The Boner Emergency.

#4. Doctor Refuses to Give Birth Control Until Women Have Completed “Reproductive Duty”

Doctors have every right to be religious, but not to be complete douchenozzles about it. When a woman in Blenheim, New Zealand, went to see Dr. Joseph Lee to renew her birth control prescription, Dr. Lee said, “Nope,” and told her she couldn’t have the pill until she fulfilled her “reproductive job” by popping out at least four kids consecutively.

Instead, he instructed the woman to use the rhythm method, which is basically playing Russian roulette with the days of the week. And this isn’t a one-time thing: Dr. Lee has been saying the same thing to patients as young as 16, telling them that getting pregnant might be “their destiny.” So, good news, teen moms — you’re basically Jedi Knights!

#3. Doctor Charges Man $95 for Unasked 10-minute Lecture

A man in St. Louis was seeing an orthopedic surgeon when the doctor suddenly went into a 10-minute diatribe about the dangers of smoking. We should mention at this point that the patient was a 68-year-old man, not some clueless teenager, and that he’d come to the doctor because of a hurt ankle. The kicker came a few days later when the man got a $95 bill for a “smoking consultation”:

The hospital where Dr. Jeffrey Johnson works said it’s a common practice to bill for a consultation lasting for more than three minutes, even if the patient didn’t ask for it. Please keep this in mind the next time your doctor just opens the Wikipedia page for “cancer” and begins reading it out loud.

#2. Doctor Diagnoses Black Woman with “Ghetto Booty”

Terry Ragland from Tennessee went to see her local doctor because she was suffering from lower back pain. Was it sciatica? Spinal stenosis? Osteoarthritis? Nope: Upon examining her X-rays, Dr. Timothy Sweo offered his diagnosis: “Ghetto booty.” The doctor then explained to the stunned patient that there is no cure for ghetto booty.

After deservedly getting in deep shit, Dr. Sweo clarified that he meant to say the woman had a curvature of the spine that caused her posterior to protrude, but tried to put that in terms she could understand, which is presumably why he also delivered the diagnosis by rapping and breakdancing on the floor.

#1. Worst Brain Surgeon Ever Demands License Back

Veteran neurosurgeon Dr. Wlodzimierz Szepielow was suspended from practicing medicine in 2007 when a patient died under his care. In an attempt to prove he still had it, Szepielow scored an unprecedented 17.5 percent on his medical knowledge test and broke the air pipe of a plastic dummy while trying to give it CPR. That’s when the guy said “Welp, had a good run, time to retire,” right? Nope: He demanded his license back by complaining that the test was “too stressful,” because apparently being a brain surgeon is the chillest job ever.

Szepielow is now threatening to sue the Fitness to Practice panel for how they described his skills — we imagine their official report consisted of a GIF of a penguin repeatedly falling down — while at the same time insisting they should hire him to assess other doctors. Are we sure this guy didn’t operate on his own brain at some point?

Original story here

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Bungling bank: “A BANK in the US says a bad GPS navigator is the reason it repossessed the wrong house – and threw out all the possessions inside. Homeowner Katie Barnett says her McArthur, Ohio, home was wrongly repossessed while she was away with her family last month. When they returned to the house, the locks had been changed and many of their belongings were missing. Ms Barnett wants the First National Bank of Wellston to give her $US18,000 ($19,400) for the lost items. She says the bank wants her to show receipts for everything that’s missing. First National CEO Anthony Thorne says the bank wants to compensate the family “fairly and equitably” but the items Ms Barnett is claiming doesn’t match up with what the bank’s employees removed. The bank says the house it meant to clean out was on the same street

Brave five-year-old girl hailed a hero for scaring off thug by dialling emergency after he broke into house and punched her mother: “A five-year-old girl has been hailed a hero after she scared off an intruder who had broken into her home and attacked her mum by dialling 999. Brave Celina-Jayne Boxall grabbed the phone and told police someone was in her house as a thief stormed in and punched her mother in the face. The cowardly attacker was so stunned by the schoolgirl’s quick-thinking actions that he ran off empty-handed from the house in Hinckley, Leicestershire. Incredibly, the dramatic incident is not the first time Celina-Jayne has saved the day with an important 999 call. Just weeks earlier, she dialled for an ambulance after her four-week-old baby brother stopped breathing and turned blue. As mum Stevie Boxall, 28, tried to resuscitate her baby, the schoolgirl dialled 999 and ambulance crews were sent out to revive the tot.

Raped Indian woman gets revenge: “A woman has confessed to the brutal murder of doctor Satish Chandra after surrendering at the Govind Nagar police station. The doctor was found dead with his throat and genitals slit, at a government guesthouse on July 21 in Govindnagar, Kanpur. The next day, a courier boy turned up with a parcel at Govindnagar police station. On opening the packet, the police were shocked to find male private parts and investigations linked it to Chandra’s murder. Preeti has confessed to the crime, claiming Chandra was exploiting her physically and mentally over the past 13 years and was now eyeing her sister. Talking about the murder, she said: “He called me to the guesthouse on July 21. I mixed sedatives in his alcohol and after he became unconscious, I slit his throat and genitals with a surgical knife,” she confessed.”

Abandoned New York power station now used for zombie movies and gang initiations: “Just three kilometers north of the upper reaches of Manhattan, where the city gives way to the Hudson Valley, an eerie relic of industrial America rusts quietly on the banks of the Hudson River. The Glenwood Power Station was built in 1906, designed by the same architects who created the majestic Grand Central Station, but today it’s better known as the ‘Gates of Hell’. The massive building is shrouded in mystery, a decaying monument to America’s industrial past, but it once powered the city’s newly-built subways, pumping energy to the electrified rails and moving New Yorkers about their modern city. In 1968, new technologies rendered Glenwood’s turbines obsolete and the station was finally abandoned. Its skeletal form rusts and topples and some allege it’s become the scene of brutal gang initiations and other deviant activities. The building makes the perfect backdrop for creepy thrillers and zombie movies”

Outrage after Indian boy selling candy and cigarettes on the streets in Mexico City is humiliated by heartless government inspector: “A 10-year-old Indian boy in Mexico was heartlessly humiliated by a city inspector for selling cigarettes, candy and snacks on the street. The inspector, Juan Diego Lopez, caught Manuel Diaz Hernandez illegally selling cigarettes, candy and snacks Monday from a wooden basket in Villahermosa, Mexico – the capitol city of the Gulf state of Tabasco. In a video captured by witnesses, the inspector grabs the basket and makes the boy throw out all the candy before swiping the cigarettes himself. After the incident the video was posted online and in just one week the story went viral, one video getting over a million views, which has caused an outpouring of support for the targeted boy. On Wednesday the city announced that they had fired Lopez. Then the governor of Tabasco, Arturo Nunez, said that he would be giving the boy ‘a scholarship as well as all medical and psychological help’ in an announcement Thursday.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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