MY DADDY SLEEPS NAKED

February 14, 2012 at 4:19 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

“Late again!” the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Johnny.

“It ain’t my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this ‘un on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!”

Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.

“You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreledshot gun and said to my Ma, “That fox is back again… I’m a gonna git him!” “Stay back,” Daddy whispered to all us kids!

“My Daddy was naked as a jaybird — no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy’s crack!”

“Miss Russell, we all been cleanin’ chickens since three o’clock this mornin!”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Police pay a visit to father who shot daughter’s laptop in viral video over Facebook complaint – to THANK him: “The strict father who became a YouTube phenomenon when he turned a gun on his foul-mouthed daughter’s laptop is standing by his actions, and he has a message for his critics. The 8-minute clip on the video-sharing site showed North Carolina parent Tommy Jordan lecturing his 15-year-old daughter Hannah about a complaint that the teen had put on her Facebook page. At the end, he unloads nine rounds from his .45 handgun into Hannah’s laptop, and tells his daughter that if she wants a new one, she can get a job and buy one. He said that those who disagree with his parenting methods have called police and child protective services to his Albermarle home. ‘The police by the way said “Kudos, Sir” and most of them made their kids watch it. I actually had a “thank you” from an entire detectives squad.’”

Teenager starts braying like a DONKEY after pregnancy triggers bizarre form of Tourette’s Syndrome: “A pregnant teenager with Tourette’s Syndrome was stunned when she started braying like a donkey days after conception. Cody Hagel, 18, began suffering with the debilitating condition when she was 14 years old. For years she experienced between 10 and 20 leg twitches and head jerks a day but her ‘tics’ were never verbal. But her family were shocked when Miss Hagel started to make donkey noises – more than 30 times a day – after becoming pregnant five months ago. She revealed that she has also started to shout the word ‘yes’ and ‘haha’ as well as experiencing the tics she had before conceiving. Pregnancy often alters the nature of Tourette’s – sometimes eradicating it – although scientists are unsure why. The teenager lives with her father Dwayne and her mother Tanya on their farm in North Dakota.”

Zeppelins are back: “The U.S. Army is already taking advantage of the £60million ships, which can stay in the sky for up to three weeks at a time without refuelling. Flying through the sky at 90mph, the ships can survive the hardships of war, with bullets – and even missiles – able to pass through the vehicles without igniting the gas mixture. The U.S. Army purchased three airships from Bedfordshire-based company Hybrid Air Vehicles in a £315m deal. The ships will take to the skies of Afghanistan next month. HAVs use a combination of helium buoyancy as well as aerodynamic engineering – the shape of the hull provides 40% of a ship’s lift. However the ships offer many tactical advantages to the military, with the ability to carry a 50-ton load, and propelled by a gas mixture of 60 per cent helium and 40 per cent air which is far less flammable than previous models.”

“Witch” to be retried: “A woman who was burned at the stake for sorcery more than 300 years ago is the subject of an extraordinary retrial which is seeking to clear her name. Katharina Henot was tried, convicted and burned at the stake in the German city of Cologne in 1627 for being a witch – one of an estimated 25,000 alleged sorcerers incinerated for practicing the dark arts in Germany in days gone by. However, her supporters are hoping to see her name cleared of any wrongdoing in a trial which could pave the way for other similar hearings to take place. Mrs Henot ran the local post office and attended parties in the city. Her modern-day defenders say she was tortured and burned because a political rival wanted to get his hands on her money. Her story is well-known in Germany – there is a statue of her in the town hall in Cologne and a book was written about her.”

Flowering cabbages? “In times of austerity, couples could find it is better all round to ‘say it with cabbages’ rather than a bouquet of flowers this Valentine’s Day. The centre of the colourful cabbages, which are vivid purple or soft pastels, give a realistic impression of a rose or chrysanthemum. And while they offer a colourful display, big and bold enough to serve as a bridal bouquet, they come in at just 89p each, compared to the £20 for an even modest bouquet. Even better for those with a thrifty rather than romantic heart, they can also be cooked to add a colourful and healthy vegetable accompaniment to a romantic meal for two. The cabbages have been developed by specialist grower TH Clements, in Boston, Lincolnshire. Managing director, Chris Gedney, said: ‘The new varieties offer something romantic and edible – an imaginative step away from traditional flowers and chocolates. The flowering cabbages, which are on sale for a limited time, have been nicknamed ʻCupids Cabbageʼ by the firm’s staff.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.