Baby’s First Doctor Visit

March 31, 2011 at 2:38 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

This is an old one but it still makes me laugh

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, hecked his weight, saw it was a little low, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

‘Breast-fed,’ she replied.

‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.

She did.

He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’

I know,’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.’

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

NJ: Not-Gay Masseur Accused of Sexual Contact: “A 30-year-old masseur has been accused of criminal sexual contact for massaging the breasts and buttocks of a 20-year-old woman at the Club H Fitness center. Apparently the woman thought the masseur was a homosexual so when he asked if she wanted her breasts and glutes massaged, she said yes. Later she discovered that the masseur had a girlfriend and he wasn’t homosexual. Realizing she had been touched in all her naughty bits by a straight man, she filed a complaint and a warrant was issued for the masseur’s arrest. The masseur was shocked. He never claimed to be gay and he had asked and received her permission. Nevertheless, he was booked and subsequently released on his own recognizance. He awaits notification of his next court date.”

Giant spotted eagle ray leaps onto shocked tourist: “A FAMILY and a boat captain are still reeling from the shock of an unexpected catch made while cruising around the Florida Keys. The Hausch family had been enjoying an afternoon eco-tour boat ride last week when they began photographing a 90kg spotted eagle ray in the waters of Islamorada. But the massive ray suddenly leaped in their boat and struck Jenny Hausch in the chest, much to the horror of her onlooking husband and three children. With a 1.6m wing span, the ray pinned Hausch down and repeatedly slammed her onto the deck, boat captain Kelly Klein told the paper. Two Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officers responded to the scene upon hearing the children’s screams, but could not pull the flat-bodied fish off Hausch for nearly 10 minutes. Hausch was uninjured”

Young girl gives birth on Dutch school trip. Father suspected: “A 12-year-old Dutch girl gave birth while on a school trip, sparking a police search yesterday for the father of the child. The girl, from Groningen, 183km north-east of Amsterdam, complained of stomach pains on March 22, during a day out with classmates. Teachers realised the girl was in labour and called an ambulance. Ambulance officers rushed to the scene, and the 12-year-old delivered a healthy baby girl in a nearby building. The young mother was then taken to the hospital but has refused to name the father. Family members said that the schoolgirl’s father previously sexually abused another older daughter and served two years in jail for the sex crime. The girl was living with her father and brother after he won custody following a divorce from their mother, who was originally from Suriname, a former Dutch colony in South America. The girl was due to go into foster care once she was released from the hospital.” [Surinamese are mostly of African or Indian ancestry]

Man hacks daughter’s rapists to death: “South African police were holding a top rugby player today in connection with three murders allegedly carried out in revenge for the gang-rape and subsequent HIV infection of his daughter. One victim was decapitated and two others hacked to death – possibly with an axe – in a frenzied rampage last week. Mr Mdunge said police raided the nearby residence of the accused, where they found an axe and the bloodied clothing of one of the victims. “He will be charged formally with three counts of murder with aggravating circumstances and one of attempted murder.” The incident is certain to ignite another debate in the country about crime rates and in particular violent attacks on women. Callers to radio stations expressed sympathy for the murderer and warned that if action were not taken by the state to protect people then more and more citizens would take the law into their own hands.”

Woman trapped in home for six days by snake: “A FRIGHTENED woman was held prisoner in her NSW home for six days by a large deadly red-bellied black snake. Disabled pensioner Meredith Schetrumpf, of Budgewoi, on the Central Coast, claims she phoned numerous organisations for help but without success. “For six days I was a prisoner in my house,”she told the Central Coast Express Advocate newspaper. Ms Schetrumpf, who receives a disability pension, lives alone with her pet dog, Jack, said she looked out her window to see a 2m king red-bellied black snake curled up at the gate on the path outside her front door on March 18. Terrified it might enter her house she phoned police, her local MP and Wyong Council who gave her several numbers to call for help. However, the numbers were either disconnected or didn’t answer. One organisation that did answer the phone was WIRES which said they would only come out if the snake was injured.” [What a disgraceful organization!]

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Zebra kicks lion in the face

March 30, 2011 at 5:40 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Which slowed the lion down enough for the zebra to escape

Story here

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Prisoner bites prosecutor while trying to escape courtroom: “A man was described as behaving like a dog when he bit a police prosecutor while trying to escape from a courtroom when his bail was refused, a court heard today. The Court of Appeal was dismissing an appeal by Martin Leigh Hyatt against his 6 1/2 years jail sentence with parole eligibility after three years for a string of offences from Townsville to Gladstone. In the District Court in Rockhampton last year, Hyatt, 25, was jailed for 6 1/2 years after pleading guilty to 34 charges including serious assault, burglary, stealing, dangerous driving and unlawful use of a motor vehicle. When told he was remanded in custody Hyatt jumped on a chair and then over the security screen where he headed towards his solicitor. The police prosecutor intervened and Hyatt hit him before the watch-house officer joined in and all three men fell to the floor. During this scuffle Hyatt bit the prosecutor on the arm.”

SC: I-95 speed cameras draw lawsuit: “Surveillance cameras along Interstate 95 in this small South Carolina town have nabbed thousands of speeders. They also have attracted heated opposition from state lawmakers and sparked a federal court challenge. … Ridgeland Mayor Gary Hodges said the cameras in his town about 20 miles north of the Georgia line do what they are designed to do: slow people down, reduce accidents and, most importantly, save lives. But lawmakers who want to unplug them contend the system is just a money-maker and amounts to unconstitutional selective law enforcement”

Britain’s invisible police: In worst forces, fewer than 10 per cent are actually fighting crime: “Fewer than one in ten uniformed officers in some police forces are available to man the front line at any one time, a damning report reveals today. There are also more officers on duty on a quiet Monday morning than at any other time of the week – and the fewest just after midnight on Friday when levels of drunken violence soar. Antiquated shift patterns, court hearings and training requirements mean that in two forces only 9 per cent of officers can actually tackle crime, the police inspectorate found. Bedfordshire, along with Devon and Cornwall, came bottom of a study into what proportion of officers in England and Wales are available to answer 999 calls or patrol the streets – the definition of front-line work. The watchdog found many other forces fared little better, with an average of 12 per cent of officers available to catch crooks and keep people safe.”

Biggest paycut in history as company boss loses £74m: “It is probably the biggest pay cut ever seen in the world of fatcat bosses. The head of the consumer goods firm behind Dettol and Vanish has seen almost £74million wiped off his annual pay package. But hard-up shoppers struggling to fill their baskets with Reckitt Benckiser’s Finish and Cillit Bang cleaning products should not feel too distressed for Dutchman Bart Becht. The chief executive still managed to take home a cool £18.2million, according to the company’s annual report. He has successfully transformed the cleaning-products business into one of the top brand managers, out-performing closest rivals Unilever and Procter & Gamble. Mr Becht’s salary plunged from the staggering £92million he took home in 2009 when he was criticised by politicians but not by any of his major shareholders, who have cashed in from the firm’s rocketing share price.

Amateur skywatchers spot the USAF’s ‘secret’ space plane… AGAIN: “Its mission is shrouded in secrecy, a media blackout was enforced after its launch and there are fears it could be a space weapon. But whatever its purpose, the U.S. Air Force’s latest space plane has met its match in a band of amateur satellite sleuths who tracked it down in the night sky – just as they did with its predecessor. The unmanned plane, known as the OTV-2, was caught on camera by an amateur skywatcher in Ontario. It had already been spotted two weeks before in the skies above Cape Town, by the same watcher who tracked down the OTV-1 last year. The Boeing-built X-37B robotic spacecraft blasted off from Cape Canaveral in Florida on March 9, inside an Atlas 5 rocket. The plane, which looks like a miniature version of a NASA space shuttle, is known officially as Orbital Test Vehicle 2 (OTV-2) and is the second to be launched by the U.S. Airforce in two years.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Quit leveraging your dialogue

March 29, 2011 at 10:57 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Comment from Australia

“OK before we get going, I’d like to unpack some issues. What I want from you is blue sky thinking, people. A brain dump. Try to wrap your minds around our mission-critical objectives. We’re creating a new design language. There are some terrific synergies right now. This is a unique opportunity to value-add for our stakeholders. Think of it as a paradigm shift. Your time starts now.”

Is it just me or is there an awful lot of corporate speak around at the moment?

It’s worse than two years ago, when Don Watson wrote his third anti-jargon book, Bendable Learnings. ‘It’s the language of a cad,” he told ABC radio. “It’s the language of someone who’s actually trying to escape the reality and is unwilling to be honest about it.”

I recently sat through a meeting where the guy felt the need to “unpack” his “issues” 28 times (yes, I counted). Now, I’m a time-poor working mother. The only things I unpack are school lunch boxes. If he needs to unload this much, he should find a good shrink.

I’m also sick of the 2009 idiom “cutting edge”. One radiology website boasts that it offers, “cutting edge technology applied to patient care”.

Well that’s a relief. Here I was thinking that all the new whiz-bang machinery would be popped in a cupboard somewhere, instead of being “applied” to the actual patients.

Kevin Rudd’s a classic. Speaking about the no fly zone in Libya, the Ruddbot referred to the “operationalisation” of the UN plan.

This is actually a word, according to Wikipedia. “Operationalisation is the process of defining a fuzzy concept so as to make the concept clearly distinguishable (in humanities) or measurable (in physicalist sciences) and to understand it in terms of empirical observations. In a wider sense it refers to the process of specifying the extension of a concept – in other words, describing what is and is not a part of that concept.” But what about “When the UN takes action”?

In a recent speech, the CEO of OneSteel Geoff Plumme appears to have a stutter, repeating the word ‘sustainability’. That’s a weasel word if ever I’ve heard one. You’re making steel, not saving the planet.

I’m pleased to hear that the WA Chamber of Commerce and Industry has done a “Full Plate Review”. ‘Cos a lot of them end up chipped and damaged if they’ve been in the office cupboard for too long.

One of the Chamber’s graphics identifies “approaches” with “primary carriage”. Would that be horse-drawn? Sulky or stagecoach? Methinks it’s more of a pumpkin.

The kids were confused last week when we met with a landscaper about plans for our new house. She kept talking about the “design language”. “Is that like French, Mummy?” Grace enquired. “More like Swahili darling,” I replied.

Don’t get me started on the use of nouns as verbs. Leveraged – aarrrgggh! Impact – eeekkk! Liason – please don’t! Dialogue – stop, I can’t take it any more! In the words of Lord Blackadder, it makes me want to put underpants on my head, shove a pencil up each nostril and go “wibble” at passers-by.

Why anyone would say “wrap your mind around” instead of “understand” is beyond me.

George Orwell was right: “Most educated people don’t realise how little impression abstract words make on the average man.”

What are your favourite weasel words? The winner will receive a fully integrated, synergised paradigm shift, which they can utilise to leverage valuable stakeholders. Let’s hope it’s not too uncomfortable stuck up there.

Original story here

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

We are happiest after we retire and DON’T become grumpy with old age, say scientists: “If your carefree youth is a distant memory and you’re entering middle age with a sense of gloom . . . cheer up. The happiest time of your life is probably yet to come. The demands of work and family may steadily erode our youthful sense of well-being as we reach middle age, but research suggests it returns in our later years. In fact it is after 70 that we are likely to be at our happiest – as long as we enjoy good health, have sufficient income and are not lonely. The conclusions are highlighted in a new book by Lewis Wolpert, the 81-year-old emeritus professor of biology at University College London, entitled You’re Looking Very Well – a familiar greeting to those of more advanced years.”

Adders must not be subtracted: “Experts are taking DNA swabs from Britain’s only species of venomous snake in an effort to stop it dying out. The adder has seen many of its habitats destroyed and there are believed to be fewer than 1,000 populations of the reptiles left across the UK – with a third of those groups containing ten adults or less. If the snakes cannot maintain healthy levels of genetic variation their resilience to disease will be reduced and they could disappear altogether. Government conservation agency Natural England, the Zoological Society of London and Oxford University are carrying out health checks on adders, which include taking DNA swabs to analyse their genetic make-up.”

There’s more to British food than you think: “Kentish cobnuts, Kendal mint cake and fat rascals from Yorkshire should all have EU protected food status, Caroline Spelman, the Environment Secretary, has suggested in a new drive to give even more British foods the respected label. The minister also wants Norfolk black turkey, Cornish saffron cake and Dorset knobs to be listed alongside champagne, parma ham and feta cheese as regional food specialities. And she is asking the public to suggest other foods that deserve recognition like Maldon sea salt, Somerset cider or fidgit pie from the West Midlands. Foods in Britain that are already considered unique include Stilton cheese, Cornish sardines and Melton Mowbray pork pies. Cumberland sausage [above] was the forty-fourth British food to be given PFN status and Mrs Spelman hopes to make it to 50 by the end of the year.”

German girl finds boa constrictor in toilet: “A girl in Germany got more than she bargained for when she opened the toilet seat to find an escaped boa constrictor staring back at her, police say. The seven-year-old girl ran to her mother after her discovery on Saturday at their home in Hanover, northern Germany. The 39-year-old called the police, who took photos and alerted the animal rescue department of the fire brigade. “But before the snake could be captured, it disappeared down the sewage pipe. A search proved fruitless,” police said, adding that the reptile was likely an escaped pet.”

Baby kicked off bus for laughing in Australia’s wild North: “A woman and her 13-month-old daughter have been allegedly kicked off a bus because the toddler was making too much noise. Toni Hay and her baby, Heather, got on the Darwin Bus Service bus at Casuarina yesterday to get home to a suburb – Coconut Grove – about 5km away. Heather was strapped in her pram and Ms Hay said she was making “happy squealing noises”. Hay said her daughter was loud because she was excited – but she was told by the bus driver that if she could not quieten her daughter down she would have get off the bus. “She’s 13 months old, what can I do?” Ms Hay added. A distressed and embarrassed Hay said she apologised to other passengers and gave her daughter a biscuit and a drink and tried playing with her. The driver, a woman, threatened to throw her off the bus several times and finally did so just before their stop.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

When you have an ‘I Hate My Job day’, Try this out:

March 28, 2011 at 10:28 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, Lock your doors, Draw the curtains and disconnect the phone So you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

“Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.”

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,’ I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.’

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Man pulls over to take a leak, nearly dies in New Zealand: “A Kiwi businessman nearly paid the ultimate price for answering the call of nature on an early morning drive. The man pulled his ute [pickup] off the road for a “quick comfort stop” but when he jumped back in he realised he was parked precariously close to the edge of a steep ravine. Shifting on slippery grass, the vehicle tipped on its side and plunged down into the gorge on Mt Messenger, in the North Island region of Taranaki. Local constable Darren Hayes said the man wasted no time opening his door and diving out, saved from death by the bad habit of not putting his seat belt on until he’s on the road. “It’s not what we’d usually recommend but in this case it probably saved his life,” Constable Hayes said. “He’s one very lucky man. He just stood there as his truck went crunch, crunch, crunch down the bank. The ute was not so lucky, however, and remains “very smashed up” at the bottom of the cliff.”

2500 rubber ducks stolen from police academy: “A flotilla of yellow rubber ducks intended for a fundraising event has been stolen from a police academy in suburban Chicago. The Beacon-News in Aurora reported that some 2500 ducks took flight this week from the Yorkville Citizens Police Academy. Police say several of the toy ducks have been found on a Yorkville roadway and request that any more found be returned to the academy. Police plan to use the toy ducks in their annual “Duck Pluck” to raise funds for the academy.”

Russia abandons daylight saving: “Russia has permanently switched its clocks to summer time in a change backed by President Dmitry Medvedev, who has said people and even cows suffer stress from getting up at a different time. The move, which came into force today, means that Moscow will be permanently four hours ahead of Greenwich Mean Time (GMT), but experts said people suffer no ill-effects from changing clocks and questioned the need for the reform. Medvedev announced in February that Russians would not put their clocks back this northern autumn, saying that the change from daylight saving time caused “stress and illness” and “disturbs the human biorhythm”. Somewhat bizarrely, he also voiced concern for farm animals, talking of “unhappy cows or other animals who don’t understand the time change and don’t understand that the milkmaid is going to milk them at a different time”.

Resident hurt by bomb disguised as newspaper: “A man was wounded today in Vacaville, California, when a bomb hidden in his newspaper exploded. Vacaville city spokesman Mark Mazzaferro said the victim was bending down to pick up his paper when the device detonated at around 10am local time. He was airlifted to a local hospital, KCRA-TV reported. Police did not disclose the extent of his injuries. Investigators are advising residents to avoid any packages or items delivered to them today. A Browns Valley resident told local radio station KGO that several residents received newspaper deliveries even though they had not subscribed to any papers.”

British burglar falls 30′ down well: “A suspected burglar who was chased away froma break-in was caught by British police after he fell 9.14 metres down a well, a senior officer says. The 21-year-old from Halifax, West Yorkshire, called the emergency services himself after he fell down the uncovered, 1.5-metre-wide hole. Minutes earlier residents in nearby Bell Street, Boothtown, had called police to report a break-in at a house, and said locals were giving chase. “He was chased by a neighbour, climbed a small wall, dropped down a banking approximately 20 feet (6.1m) before then fell down a 30-foot-deep well. Fire and ambulance crews were called. Firefighters climbed down and he was rescued about two-and-a-half hours after he fell. He was arrested on suspicion of burglary”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Welfare for dogs

March 27, 2011 at 10:02 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Went down this morning to sign my Dog on the dole.

The woman said, "Dogs are not eligible for welfare".

I explained to her that my Dog is black, unemployed, idle, can't speak English and has no clue who his dad is.

She looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

He gets his first payment on Friday.

Damn, is this a great country or what?

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Procrastination day put off till tomorrow: “The world feted international procrastination day on Friday, but its French founder insisted he had no issues with people putting it off until tomorrow. Far from encouraging people to stop time wasting, the global event is about promoting “positive procrastination” in a high-paced, hi-tech world where taking one’s time is a crucial act of resistance. “To procrastinate is to refuse to do what the context – be it from bosses, administrative obligations, or a culture of results – asks us to do. We must absolutely take the time to think about the tasks we accept to execute, or we will lose all control over our lives,” warned the event’s founder, David d’Equainville.”

Russian politicians ‘banned from wearing miniskirts’: “Russian MPs and their aides will soon have to follow a new ethics code forbidding miniskirts and indiscreet behaviour that may tarnish the image of parliament, a report said on Friday. The so-called Code of Ethics impacts everyone working in the State Duma, Russia’s lower house of parliament, including deputies and their staff members, the Moskovsky Komsomolets daily said. The code recommends a “business style marked by formality, restraint, tradition, and neatness”, which might spell the end of miniskirts and low-cut blouses for many parliamentary assistants, the paper quipped. And when speaking to each other, they will have to refrain from all “rudeness” and “arrogance”, the guidelines prepared on the orders of the president’s anti-corruption committee said.”

Man dead three years, still paying bills: “An elderly Swedish man whose body was found in his apartment last week may have been dead for three years, with his pension regularly deposited to his bank account and his bills paid by direct debit. Newspaper Aftonbladet said the unidentified man, born in 1928, was discovered by a broadband technician who showed up for an installation and found the apartment door open. Police found unopened mail from late 2007 and food in the refrigerator dated early 2008, while the body’s state of decay indicated the man had been dead about three years, The Local said.”

Man ‘threatened judge for making him cry’: “An Illinois man in court on charges of animal cruelty and threatening two people was charged with threatening a public official after he vowed to kill the judge for making him cry. At a March 12 hearing in Wheaton, Illinois, near Chicago, 20-year-old Jonovan Brown said, “The judge made me cry. I’m going to make him cry – I’m going to kill him” as he was taken from the courtroom, according to prosecutor Diane Michalak. He was charged with threatening a public official, a felony that carries a maximum prison term of five years, and indicted earlier this week by a grand jury.”

Time Warner charges Ohio man $16.4 million for cable: “The Beavercreek resident was informed that his credit card payment to Time Warner had been rejected for non-sufficient funds. The payment amount was $16,409,107. Time Warner Cable Southwest Ohio officials on Thursday attributed the $16.4 million figure to human error. An employee typed in the wrong number for the amount owed, which caused the company’s automated system to generate the letter. “We apologize for the inconvenience that it caused,” the spokesman said. “We are going to work with the customer to get this resolved.” DeVirgilio said he spent more than 40 minutes Wednesday on the phone with a Time Warner customer service representative who was “flummoxed” by the problem. He said he was optimistic that the issue would be resolved, but was concerned that it would affect his credit rating or cause his cable service to be disrupted.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

A Jewish Divorce…

March 26, 2011 at 3:40 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Jewish woman says to her mother, “I’m divorcing Irving! All he wants is sex, and my vagina is now the size of a quarter when it used to be about the size of a dime.”

Her mother says, “You’re married to a multi-millionaire Businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, You get $2,000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 15 cents?”
..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Why should this scum be forgiven? “Apparently, it has not yet been codified into general post-thievery guidelines that one should not use a purloined piece of equipment to take pictures of oneself. Mark Bao, an 18-year-old technology entrepreneur and guy whose laptop was backed up to cloud storage, became one laptop less wealthy not too long ago. The thief has not been ID’s by name by Bao, but he unleashed revenge far more humiliating upon the young man when he was able to access activity on his computer after it was stolen. Bao said on Twitter: ““Wow. The first thing that MacBook thieves do REALLY IS take pictures on Photo Booth. I didn’t think they were that dumb.” Bao didn’t release the images- but he did post a video to YouTube of the thief’s sweet dance moves to Travis Porter’s “Make It Rain.” The unnamed thief ostensibly did not begin to feel remorse until the clip garnered hundreds of thousands of views on YouTube. He sent a heartfelt apology to Bao, begging him to “put down” the video, but Bao said the kid wasn’t in a great spot to bargain.” [More details here]

Bought for £100 from a junk shop, this painting could be a £40m Cezanne!: “Caked in dust and dirt, the painting was worth its £100 price tag only for the ornate frame. Or so the buyer thought when he spotted it in a second hand shop. It was only on closer inspection that he noticed an intriguing signature in one corner. Now the man is enduring an agonising wait to learn whether his find is actually a masterpiece by the French artist Cezanne and worth £40million. Art experts say the piece – showing a house with an orange roof next to a river, surrounded by trees – is reminiscent of Cezanne’s earliest works. Under the scrawled name is the date 1854. If authentic, it will be the earliest known work by the post-impressionist artist who would have been a 15-year-old art pupil at the time.”

Giant jellyfish invade Japan: “Millions of 6ft, 440lb jellyfish are congregating off the western coast of Japan, their numbers apparently boosted by rising sea temperatures and a decline in natural predators. Nomura’s jellyfish are one of the largest species of the creature in the world. Their scale was demonstrated in the autumn of 2009, when a 10-ton fishing boat was sunk as the crew tried to haul in a net containing dozens of the creatures. Increasing numbers of the jellyfish have been recorded in the Sea of Japan since 2002, with experts suggesting the population explosion in recent years is due to the 1.89 degree Fahrenheit increase in temperature in waters off China making conditions more favourable for breeding. In the early 1900s, according to Professor Shinichi Uye, a leading expert on the species at the Graduate School of Biosphere Science of Hiroshima University, large numbers were only reported every 40 years or so.”

The ‘puppy’ born to a SHEEP: “Vets say it’s impossible – but to Chinese farmer Liu Naiying his birth is a miracle. For Mr Liu insists one of his sheep has given birth to a dog. The ‘puppy’ has wool like a lamb but its mouth, nose, eyes, paws and tail look more like a dog’s. His ‘sheep dog’ even plays like a hound. Mr Liu told how he found the unusual baby animal shortly after it was born in one of his fields. ‘I was herding the sheep, and saw a sheep licking her newborn lamb on the grassland. The lamb was still wet,’ he said. Yue Guozhang, a researcher at Xi’an City Animal Husbandry Technology Centre, said sheep and dogs were different species. ‘It’s not possible that a sheep could become pregnant with a puppy,’ he said. ‘It’s likely that this is just an abnormal lamb.’”

Divorcee is reunited with her long-lost brother – after meeting him on a dating website: “When Sarah Kemp signed up to a website looking for love her dream was to find someone with whom she had a lot in common. So she was delighted when she found George Bentley. The pair swapped emails and photos for three months and hit it off so well that they arranged a date in London. Only then did they discover quite how much in common they really had. For during a chat about their childhood they realised they were long-lost brother and sister, separated by a family breakdown 36 years ago. Last night Mrs Kemp, 42, said: ‘Can you imagine the surprise, joy and embarrassment we both felt? It was such a crazy thing. ‘We had so much in common and we really enjoyed each other’s company. ‘It was as if we’d known each other all our lives.’”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Triple standards?

March 25, 2011 at 10:32 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Chicago man cashes in lost lottery ticket for $9 million prize – in the nick of time: “A retired Chicago man stumbled upon a forgotten lottery ticket while preparing his tax returns – and cashed it in for a $9 million prize, The Chicago Tribune said today. Mr Przyborski, a one-time truck driver, said the mix-up came when he accidentally slipped the ticket into his tax files a year ago. When he re-opened the file this March, he found the ticket and rushed to claim the bounty. If he had not cashed it in by Thursday at 5pm (local time), the ticket would have expired. The ticket was by far the biggest unclaimed prize in state lottery history, a spokeswoman said. A local 7-Eleven will receive $90,000 for selling the winning ticket.”

Old lady floors burglar with almighty punch: “An elderly British woman has spoken of how she knocked down a burglar with one punch, before chasing him and his accomplice away from her home. Joan Parmenter, 79, discovered that Luke Clay, 21, and his brother, Lee Clay, 25, had broken into her lounge while she watched television in another room. Luke Clay struck her on the head – but the feisty Ms Parmenter responded with an “almighty punch” to his jaw. The stunned burglars fled from her home in Nottingham, central England, and ran straight into the path of an oncoming car. Ms Parmenter, still in pursuit, got the driver of the vehicle to call the police as the men fled. Both men were later apprehended by police and admitted they had tried to burgle her home on the evening of February 18.”

‘Good-looking’ people prefer their dinner dates to pay for the meal: “People who think they are attractive are less likely to offer to pay for a dinner date, according to a new study. Researchers found that people who judge themselves good-looking tend to expect their potential love interest to pay for the meal. Psychologists from the University of St Andrews also found that women preferred men to pay, especially when they were handsome. Men were more likely to offer to pay for female dates if they were pretty. Dr Stirrat said: “What was interesting was that the women tended to say the more attractive the man the more likely they were to say they would like him to pay. “If you keep it reciprocal it’s like saying I’m not really interested.”

Venezuelan president blames capitalism for lack of life on Mars: “CAPITALISM may be to blame for the lack of life on the planet Mars, Venezuela’s socialist President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday. “I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilisation on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived and finished off the planet,” Mr Chavez said in speech to mark World Water Day. Mr Chavez, who also holds capitalism responsible for many of the world’s problems, warned that water supplies on Earth were drying up. “Careful! Here on planet Earth where hundreds of years ago or less there were great forests, now there are deserts. Where there were rivers, there are deserts,” Mr Chavez said, sipping from a glass of water. [He has obviously not visited Australia lately]

Naked vigilante crash-tackles robber, who drops his wallet: “A Northern NSW man has chased a home invader almost 200 metres down the street and crash tackled him to the ground – stark naked. Ryan Dein and his partner were asleep in their Lennox Heads home when a man broke in to the house and started stealing their possessions about midnight last Friday. Mr Dein spotted the thief when he got up to get a glass of water and chased him down the street before the dramatic capture. The thief eventually escaped – minus his ill-gotten bounty, which included a laptop computer, camera, phone and wallet. He also left his own wallet on the ground during the scuffle. Police have since arrested a 22-year-old Ballina man on charges of breaking and entering.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Dreams….. We all have ‘em …

March 24, 2011 at 5:12 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

How did Sarah get so brown?

OK. I know

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Trapped burglar calls for the cops: “A burglar attempting to break into a pizza restaurant ended up pleading with police to rescue him after he became wedged in an air vent right over the hot fat fryer. A grease-covered Timothy Cipriani, 46, from New York, was discovered by the general manager of Paesan’s pizza place when he was responding to a fire alarm late on Friday night. John Risko said he got the midnight call from his boss asking him to go over and check it out. He did not suspect anything except a false alarm but when he got inside, he discovered the would-be burglar. The 46-year-old was screaming for help after climbing a tree to the roof, breaking into the air duct and immediately becoming stuck. Spokesman for Rotterdam police Lt Michael Brown said: ‘He became extremely distraught when he realised he was stuck over the fryer. ‘He said he thought he was going to die. The fryer had been used all day so it may have been generating some heat.’”

Air traffic controller asleep on the job: “Two planes were allegedly forced to land at an American airport without control tower clearance because the air traffic controller was asleep. Federal safety officials are investigating the incident, which occurred at Reagan National Airport in Washington. An aviation official, who spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss the incident, said the single controller – a supervisor – was scheduled for duty in the tower at that time but had fallen asleep. National Transportation Safety Board spokesman Peter Knudson said that the pilots of the two planes were unable to reach the tower, but they were in communication with a regional air traffic control facility, also in Virginia.”

Sick goanna: “A feisty reptile has been given a second shot at life after a daring rescue and emergency surgery. The lace monitor was plucked from a tree off Michelangelo Drive, at Redlynch in Cairns, by a snake catcher who feared it had been injured because its leg looked swollen. But getting him down was no easy feat for snake-turned goanna catcher David Walton, the Cairns Post said. The goanna, nicknamed Michelangelo or Mick, put up a hell of a fight. Veterinarian Liza Sergeev said the decision had to be made whether to euthanase or try to save the 1.5m-long reptile, which was underweight at 4.6kg. “Mick is very bright and wants to live and has a bit of fight, that’s why we wanted to save him. There was nothing to lose,” Dr Sergeev said. The 90-minute pro bono surgery on Tuesday, her first on a goanna, went smoothly and the 380g tumour was removed.”

Another claim to replace conventional motors: “Michigan researchers have built a prototype of a new auto motor that does away with pistons, crankshafts and valves, replacing the old internal combustion engine with a disc-shaped shock wave generator. It could slash the weight of hybrid cars and reduce auto emissions by 90 percent.”

British city unveils bus lane too narrow for buses: “A UK council is under fire for spending £1.5 million ($2.5 million) on a bus lane, only for drivers to find it is not wide enough for buses. Residents of King’s Lynn in Norfolk, eastern England, branded the project “farcical” after drivers discovered they have to navigate the route at walking pace because it is so narrow, Lynn News reported. The road has not been used since it was unveiled earlier this month because the drivers will need special training to use it, and there is no one available to train them. Brian Lake, 63, cycles along the route each morning. He said, “It’s a farce. It took a driver and someone standing in the footwell to see the driver through the pinch point on the trial run. There are tyre marks on the kerb where it has squeezed through.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Ingenuity

March 23, 2011 at 1:33 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Was it worth it? British couple ordered to pay £150,000 fees after losing legal battle over a garden wall: “A couple have been hit with a £150,000 legal bill after a 10-year battle with neighbours over a garden wall. Godfrey and Sandra Stanley, from Mistley, near Manningtree, in Essex, sued their neighbours for £24,500 compensation after their 150-year-old garden wall collapsed during a storm in October, 2001. The couple claimed Roy and Shirley Rawlinson had done work to the wall which had undermined its structure and caused it to crumble during the storm. A county court judge dismissed Mr and Mrs Stanley’s claim last January. The judge ruled they had not proved their neighbours had destabilised the wall, despite accepting the fact the work was carried out before its condition deteriorated. The Stanleys were instead told to pay their neighbours’ legal fees.”

Top cage fighter chases after robber and pins him to the ground until police arrive: “The long arm of the law received a helping hand this weekend when a top American cage fighter floored a suspected robber just hours before clinching the light-heavyweight title. Jon ‘Bones’ Jones was about to begin meditating at the Great Falls Historic Park in Paterson, New Jersey, with coaches Greg Jackson and Mike Winkeljohn, when an old woman started screaming that robber had smashed her car window and stolen her sat nav. The trio leapt up and sprinted after the suspect, but Jones’ out-ran his trainers and in seconds the 6ft 4ins 205-pound fighter had floored the alleged thief. Recalling the Saturday morning incident in a series of Twitter posts, the 23-year-old New York native said his coaches were concerned when he began to pursue the man when he was just hours from taking on Mauricio ‘Shogun’ Rua at the UFC fight in Newark.”

Feisty oldster takes action: “A 92-YEAR-OLD Florida woman was arrested yesterday after she fired a handgun into her neighbour’s house when he refused to give her a kiss. Helen Staudinger told Marion County sheriff’s deputies that she had walked next door to speak with her neighbour, 53-year-old Dwight Bettner, who she said asked her to leave. Ms Staudinger said she told Mr Bettner she would not leave until he gave her a kiss, the Star-Banner reported. Ms Staudinger said she and Mr Bettner argued, after which she retrieved a .380 semi-automatic handgun from her home and fired several shots into Mr Bettner’s home. One of the bullets flew into Mr Bettner’s bedroom, where he was hit with flying glass, while three others hit the side of the house. Mr Bettner told the Star-Banner that Ms Staudinger, a widow, had expressed a fondness for him since he moved to the neighbourhood six months ago. Mr Bettner said the elderly woman has also cursed at him and attempted to strangle another woman with whom she thought he was having an affair.”

That’s a bit steep! British teenager quoted £24,000 to insure his 12-year-old Volvo: “When Daniel Grey bought a £700 banger to replace the car he had written off in a freak black ice accident, he budgeted for an increase on his £2,500-a-year insurance costs. But the 18-year-old was flabbergasted when he was quoted £24,000 for his 1999 Volvo S40. Daniel, who has a Pass Plus certificate and takes advanced driving lessons, said: ‘It’s enough for a deposit on a nice house.’ The teenager, from Crossens, near Southport, had sought cover for the 1.6-litre saloon from AA Insurance. Daniel said: ‘Car insurance is already far too expensive but this takes the mick. ‘A 12-year-old Volvo is hardly the car of a boy racer. It’s too heavy to just whizz around. It’s enough effort getting the thing to move.’ [Insurance is costly in Britain because the police take little interest in car theft]

The train with seats so small you complain when you DO get one!: “It’s certainly an interesting approach to the problem of overcrowding on trains. A rail company has made its new seats so uncomfortably narrow that although more can be fitted into the carriages fewer passengers want to use them. Commuters have been left falling into the aisles and complaining of back pain and fearing deep vein thrombosis. A measly 43cm (16.9ins) is allocated for each passenger in the carriages, which have five seats across, in a two-plus-three formation. Regular carriages have only two seats either side of the aisle, allowing room for arm rests and seats that are 45cm (17.7in) wide and have a 4cm (1.6in) space between them. Train operator South West Trains, has dismissed its customers’ gripes on the busy Portsmouth to Waterloo service, claiming the lack of space during the 90-minute journey in standard class is not a health risk but merely a ‘comfort’ issue.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

More bimbo jokes

March 22, 2011 at 3:13 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the bimbo behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’

‘NO!’ the bimbo yelled back, ‘IT’S A SCARF!’

ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a bimbo were talking one day.

The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!’

The American said, ‘We were the first on the moon!’

The bimbo said, ‘So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!’

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

‘You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!’ said the Russian.

To which the bimbo replied,

‘We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!’

IN A VACUUM

A bimbo was playing Trivial Pursuit one night…

It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.

Her question was, ‘If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?’

She thought for a time and then asked,

‘Is it on or off?’

FINALLY, THE BIMBO JOKE TO END ALL BIMBO JOKES !

A girl was visiting her bimbo friend, who had acquired two new dogs,and asked her what their names were.

The bimbo responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’

‘HELLLOOOOOOO……,’ answered the bimbo.

‘They’re watch dogs’!

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

The “Two ID” demand is so customary that even a robber obeyed: “A bank robber in Texas who demanded that the bank teller hand over the cash at gunpoint abided by the teller’s request to show her two pieces of identification. Pugh tried to hold up a Dallas Wells Fargo Bank in July of last year when the teller stalled Pugh by telling him she needed to see two forms of ID. Distraught and confused, Pugh showed her his Wells Fargo debit card and a state ID card. He was arrested by the police on the way out with $800 on hand. The hapless 49-year-old robber, Nathan Wayne Pugh, was sentenced to more than eight years prison for his actions. He pleaded guilty in October and was already on parole for two aggravated robberies prior to the bank robbery attempt.”

Philippines Government Destroys Smuggled Luxury Cars: “In most places, smuggled vehicles are subject to seizure by the police. The vehicles are given proper registrations, which are then auctioned off by the government or repurposed for the police to use. They do things a little differently in the Philippines, where the vehicles, regardless of their cost, are often reduced to scrap metal by tractors and backhoes. A news report from the Philippines shows an example of this practice–which the government claims to deter smugglers–as a crane is used to destroy a Lincoln Navigator, three BMW X5s, a Chevrolet Camper and a Mitsubishi GTO, among other vehicles.” [Video at link]

Tough crustacean found in Antarctica: “A small crustacean, usually found in temperate and tropical waters, has been found living below five metres of ice in a lake in Antarctica. The copepods were found by a New Zealand and American joint research team working in the McMurdo Dry Valley region of Antarctica below five metres of ice covering Lake Joyce. The freshwater crustaceans had never been found at such a southerly location and had only colonised the one lake, NIWA scientist Ian Hawes said. The McMurdo Dry Valley lakes occupy a series of ice-free valleys which border McMurdo Sound and are one of the driest places on the planet, he said.”

Man arrested for stealing rubbish: “Be careful what you pilfer from your neighbour’s throw-out pile. A man has been arrested after taking a vacuum from a pile of hard rubbish in Melbourne’s outer east. Mooroolbark police interviewed the 58-year-old Lilydale man early this morning. He is expected to be charged on summons. It’s understood he took a vacuum from a nature strip in Chirnside Park. A police spokesman said hard rubbish became council property once it was put on a nature strip.”

Caterpillars force plane down : “Green caterpillars have been blamed for forcing a plane down shortly after take-off at Brisbane Airport in January. An aviation report lodged with the Australian Transport Safety Bureau shows the 20-seater Dornier-Werke plane experienced problems with onboard equipment 46 kilometres from the airport on January 27. The plane returned to Brisbane and landed safely without injury to anyone on board. An engineering inspection found several green caterpillars in the pressure-sensitive instruments. An ATSB spokesman said the incident would not be further investigated for financial reasons. “We’re only resourced to undertake so many investigations a year,” he said. Jim Carden, from the Brisbane Airport Corporation, said he could not recall a similar incident.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Next Page »

Blog at WordPress.com. | The Pool Theme.
Entries and comments feeds.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 28 other followers