Bill’s vasectomy

January 31, 2011 at 4:27 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

While doing the vasectomy, Bill’s doctor slipped and cut off one of his testicles. In an effort to avoid a malpractice lawsuit, he replaced Bill’s missing ball with an onion.

Two weeks later, Bill returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” the doc asked. “Pretty good, but I’ve had some strange side effects.” “Like what?” the nervous doc asked anxiously. “Well, every time I pee my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hotdog stand, I get a hard-on.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

UK climber survives 1,000 ft. mountain fall in Scotland: “A climber who tumbled 300 metres from the summit of a Scottish mountain not only survived the fall, but was standing on his feet looking at a map when rescuers arrived. The man lost his footing on Saturday and fell down the craggy and near-vertical eastern face of Sgurr Choinnich Mor, a 1094-metre-high mountain in the western Highlands. A Royal Navy Sea King helicopter reached the scene 35 minutes later and spotted a man at the bottom of the slope. “We honestly thought it couldn’t have been him, as he was on his feet, reading a map,” said Lieutenant Tim Barker, the crew’s observer. “It seemed impossible. So we retraced our path back up the mountain and, sure enough, there were bits of his kit in a vertical line all the way up where he had obviously lost them during the fall. He was said to be “shaking from extreme emotional shock and the sheer relief at still being alive”.

Druglord fugitive on the run for 31 years finally captured… in a seniors community: “A man indicted 31 years ago for being a part of a huge marijuana smuggling ring in Miami has finally been re-arrested after skipping out of his trial three decades ago. Mark Steven Phillips, 62, had fled his trial on drug and racketeering charged in 1979 but was captured by U.S. Marshals yesterday in a seniors community in Florida. Phillips was asleep in the Century Village apartment that he had been living in for several months when Marshalls from the Cold Case Fugitive Squad burst in to apprehend him. Phillips was charged in May 1979 in what was the country’s largest marijuana importation prosecution in history along with 13 other gang members. The smuggling ring was known as the Black Tuna Gang whose name came from the radio tag of the group’s Columbian source for their drugs.”

Bird of pray: “It might not be the largest member of the flock, but this bold robin can easily outsing all the other churchgoers. The bird has become a fixture at 12th-century St Mary’s in Portchester Castle, Hampshire, after fluttering in during the worst snow of the winter. Reverend Charlie Allen, 31, is delighted with her new red-breasted friend whose vocal contributions to sermons and hymns are easily audible. ‘If there is a service going on in the church he will be right in the middle making as much racket as he can’. Rev Allen has also revealed how the robin makes a delightful contribution to service with his ‘beautiful birdsong’. ‘The regular congregation are all quite at ease with him flying around during a service. ‘For weddings it has been very touching and poignant to have him with us. Sometimes I think more pictures are taken of him than anyone else. ‘And even at funerals he has lightened the atmosphere.’

Keep it in: “Breaking wind is set to be made a crime in an African country. The government of Malawi plan to punish persistent offenders ‘who foul the air’ in a bid to ‘mould responsible and disciplined citizens.’ But locals fear that pinning responsibility on the crime will be difficult – and may lead to miscarriages of justice as ‘criminals’ attempt to blame others for their offence. One Malawian told the website Africanews.com: ‘My goodness. What happens in a public place where a group is gathered. Do they lock up half a minibus? ‘Children will openly deny having passed bad air and point at an elder. Culturally, this is very embarrassing,’ she said.”

Japanese roller coaster peril: “A man died after falling off a roller coaster at a Tokyo amusement park, the third incident in three months for the park. The 34-year-old man fell from a four-seat vehicle on the Spinning Coaster Maihime (Dancing Princess) when it reached a curve some eight metres above the ground. Police suspected the man, whose name was not immediately released, might have failed to properly lock himself into the ride at the Tokyo Dome City Attractions park with a safety bar. At the same park in November, a female worker had three of her fingers cut off when she was inspecting a motor in a vertical drop ride, a park official said. In December, a small girl was injured when a bolt came off another roller coaster and hit her, she added”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

More scene stealing

January 30, 2011 at 1:26 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Chopin may have had epilepsy: “Frederic Chopin’s habit of drifting off and hallucinating at the piano may have been caused by epilepsy, according to a new study of the 19th-century Romantic composer. Chopin’s tendency to lapse out of consciousness was interpreted by his partner George Sand, pseudonym of the French novelist Aurore Dudevant, as ‘the manifestation of a genius full of sentiment and expression.’ But in the analysis published this week, Spanish doctors say Chopin’s hallucinations may have been due to a temporal lobe epilepsy rather than the result of any sweeping artistic tendencies”

Russian suicide bomber blows up too soon: “A “Black Widow” suicide bomber planned a terrorist attack in central Moscow on New Year’s Eve but was killed when an unexpected text message set off her bomb too early, according to Russian security sources. The unnamed woman, who is thought to be part of the same group that struck Moscow’s Domodedovo airport on Monday, intended to detonate a suicide belt on a busy square near Red Square on New Year’s Eve in an attack that could have killed hundreds. Security sources believe a spam message from her mobile phone operator wishing her a happy new year received just hours before the planned attack triggered her suicide belt, killing her but nobody else. Islamist terrorists in Russia often use cheap unused mobile phones as detonators.” The phones are usually kept switched off until the very last minute but in this case, Russian security sources believe, the terrorists were careless.”

“Royal” condoms labelled tasteless: “A company in the UK has been criticised for making Royal Wedding condoms featuring images of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction are being sold in royal purple packs with the slogan: “Lie back and think of England”, reports The Sun. The condoms promise “a better class of lovemaking” and features a saucy guide to using the “Heritage Edition” condoms inside. The leaflet claims: “England boasts some of the finest lovemaking in the world, with a tradition going back generations.” Company spokesman Hugh Pomfret insisted they were the perfect souvenir for the April 29 wedding. Majesty magazine editor Ingrid Seward said the condoms are “completely tasteless and really rather hurtful. Prince William has a great sense of humour but this is a step too far. This is a cheap swipe to make money,” she said.

Generation Y women losing ‘female’ skills such as cooking, ironing and sewing: “Basic “female” skills are becoming endangered with fewer young women able to iron a shirt, cook a roast chicken or hem a skirt. Just as more modern men are unable to complete traditional male tasks, new research shows Generation Y women can’t do the chores their mothers and grandmothers did daily. Only 51 per cent of women aged under 30 can cook a roast compared with 82 per cent of baby boomers. Only 23 per cent can grow a plant from a cutting when 78 per cent of older women say this is a breeze. “We live in a throw-away culture where, rather than repair something, we will buy a new one, even if it is just a matter of darning holes or sewing on buttons,” Mr McCrindle said. “As such, many women have lost these skills. If we do want something repaired, women today are more likely to take it to their local drycleaner because they are busy and can afford it.”

Grandfather at 29 after daughter 14 falls pregnant: “A 29-year-old man whose 14-year-old daughter is pregnant says he doesn’t feel old enough to be a grandfather. The soon-to-be record breaker was earlier said to be “fuming” that his 14-year-old daughter was 11 weeks pregnant because she was due to start her school exam courses. But neighbours said he was in fact celebrating because more state benefits would be given to his family – and said he had bragged about “making a fortune” on selling his story. But before talks with the tabloid had begun, the man said: “It’s like history repeating itself”. “I know myself how tough it is being a teenage parent and now she has to go through the same thing. Speaking from his home in South Wales, the man admitted he became a father back in 1996 when he was just 14.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

On the stage, it is called “scene stealing”

January 29, 2011 at 4:31 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Pot-plants to fight war on terror: “Until now, they’ve been largely ornamental, but if a team from the US get their way, they could be on the frontline in the war against terror. Thanks to some genetic meddling by Colorado State University scientists, they can now detect bombs. The merest hint of explosive powder causes Dr June Medford’s hydrangeas to turn from verdant green to quivering white. “That’s going to get the security guys on you,” Dr Medford told the Denver Post. Well, eventually. In their current form, the botanical bouncers take three hours to change colour. Dr Medford’s confident she can get that down to a reasonable, practical timeframe. The US Defense Department’s mad science arm, DARPA, likes the idea so much it gave her $US500,000 to start the project back in 2003 and the Pentagon recently topped it up with a whopping $US7.9 million to make it a reality.”

Medical masks become new trend for shy Japanese teenagers: “A growing number of Japanese teenagers are obsessively hiding their faces behind white medical masks, experts have warned. The culture of wearing disposable facemasks to help prevent the spreading of flu germs is widespread among Japanese commuters and office workers, particularly during the winter months. However, a growing number of teenagers are wearing the cotton masks, some from the moment they awake until they go to bed, sparking concerns that they are using them in order to retreat from society. Yohei Harada, an analyst specialising in youth trends at Hakuhodo Inc, the advertising agency, told the Telegraph: ““A few years ago, very few teenagers wore masks. But many wear them today and the numbers are increasingly very rapidly. ”The reason is that these teenagers are looking for something to hide behind.”

Nutty airport security in Britain too: “A couple has been left stunned after airport security told them their seven centimetre toy gun was a “firearm”. Ken Lloyd and his wife bought a toy soldier figurine – complete with the tiny rifle – during a visit to the Royal Signals Museum at Garrison, Blandford, UK. However the pair was shocked when airport security barred them from passing the checkpoint with the tiny toy. At just seven centimetres long and made of plastic, the device could hardly be mistaken for the real thing. Turned away from the security checkpoint, Ms Lloyd returned to the airport concourse and bought an envelope to post the toy home”.

Masked robber jailed after raiding shop that sold him disguise: “A British robber was behind bars today after CCTV images showed him raiding a store in Wales wearing the same Halloween mask he bought from the shop days earlier. Neil Simons, 27, from Cardiff, south Wales, was the only man who bought the £3.99 ($6.00) Halloween disguise from the combined Co-op shop and gas station before October 25 last year, a court heard Wednesday. He returned to the store three days later, wearing the mask and carrying an ax, which he used to threaten a lone female cashier, the South Wales Echo reported. The court heard that police searched through the store’s CCTV recordings to find that Simons was the only person who bought the mask at the site.”

Poor little Jackie (above) was the “wrong” colour: “When you find the perfect colour scheme, it’s important to stick to it. And one woman was so determined to maintain her co-ordinated decor that she returned a rescue dog to kennels – because he clashed with her living room curtains. The house-proud woman, who has not been named, visited Harvey the Jack Russell in a rescue centre several times before taking him home. But later the same day, she called to say that there was a problem with the ginger and white dog because he didn’t go with her curtains. Two days later, she returned Harvey to the Jasmil Kennels and Cattery in Lower Halstow, near Sittingbourne, Kent. Kennel boss Barry Shuttleworth said he was ‘horrified’ when the woman, in her late 40s, gave such a trivial reason for handing back the three-year-old pet.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Auto correct on smartphones: evil or just plain genius?

January 28, 2011 at 3:49 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Auto correct on smartphones can save your time and fingers but it’s a nightmare for some – and one site is harnessing the best auto correct cock-ups to hilarious effect.

Below are some examples of text messages gone wrong, listed on the damnyouautocorrect.com website.

Person A: Does you [sic] hotel have any vasectomies next weekend? Mom and I want to come down.
Person B: We have vaccancies if that’s what you’re asking!
Person A: Vasectomy on Saturday January 29?
Person B: Vacancy!
Person A: I’ll take it

Person A:Yes I’m down. Home tonight gone tomorrow. Be back next week though we should schedule a conception.
Person A: Competition
Person A: Damn you auto correct
Person B: Hahahhahaha
Person B: Gross

Person A: I’m fighting with mike
Person B: Again??? Omg. I’m sorry.
Person A: Yeah. Its [sic] bad and I think it’s it this time. He just drove off with his moms corpse.
Person B: WITH HER CORPSE????
Person A: Holy sh*t no! Her camaro! HAHAHAHA
Person B: You scare me

Person A: I’m gonna poop in the shower while you’re gone, be back in a bit
Person A: Pop! Pop! Omg
Person B: Hahhahah
Person A: That so bad, omg
Person B: When you are here please don’t poop in my shower

Original story here

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Drug catapult found at US-Mexico border: “Drug smugglers trying to get marijuana across the Arizona-Mexico border apparently are trying a new approach — a catapult. National Guard troops operating a remote video surveillance system at the Naco Border Patrol Station say they observed several people preparing a catapult and launching packages over the International Border fence last Friday evening. Tucson TV station KVOA said Border Patrol agents working with the National Guard contacted Mexican authorities, who went to the location and disrupted the catapult operation.”

KY: Officer suspended for giving 7-year-old a ticket: “A police officer here has been suspended for 15 days for giving a 7-year-old a ticket after a ball the child threw hit the officer’s truck. Officer Cody Chapelle was suspended Friday after an internal investigation determined he had violated police policies on appropriate action, courtesy and duty to report. His lawyer said he will appeal the suspension. The suspension stems from an incident Oct. 16, 2009, in which the officer wrote a citation to a 7-year-old for third-degree criminal mischief after the boy threw a ball that struck his truck. Police Chief Robert White wrote that the investigation showed no damage was done to Chapelle’s truck”

Why ARE women’s breasts getting bigger?: “Back in the Fifties, the ­average woman wore a B-cup — a full size smaller than today’s larger size. It’s clear that our dimensions have shifted, but why? Fat is the first answer most experts will give. Professor Michael Baum, an expert in breast cancer, says: ‘Fat is laid down on breasts as much as thighs or bottoms. We are experiencing an obesity ­epidemic, so the increase in women’s measurements isn’t that surprising.’ Dr Marilyn Glenville, a nutritionist ­specialising in women’s health and hormones, says: ‘It’s clear that we’re not just talking about fat, but increased levels of breast ­tissue, too. ‘So we have to look at what stimulates breast tissue growth — and that’s oestrogen, the female sex hormone. ­Oestrogen is what changes our body shape during puberty.’ ‘Girls today reach puberty earlier than ever before, and are going on to have fewer ­children and breastfeeding for less time. As a result, we have far more periods than our ancestors would have had and we are exposed to more monthly surges of oestrogen, which stimulates ovulation.’”

The British moss which only gathers on one stone: “Ramblers and climbers pass by without a second glance as they focus on the stunning scenery. But only yards from their feet, in a raging stream, one of the rarest plants on the planet is growing. A single square yard of stony riverbed in the Peak District contains the world’s entire stock of Derbyshire feather moss. The green plant evolved only there and is so precious its exact location has been kept secret. The moss was found in 1866 and evolved from a common species. Other havens named by Natural England include Avon Gorge in Bristol, home to two trees that grow nowhere else in the world. It also lists Windsor Great Park, Berkshire, the only home of the queen’s executioner beetle.”

Volkswagen unveils car that does 313 miles to the gallon: “Volkswagen has unveiled the world’s most economical car that it says can travel 313 miles on a gallon of diesel. Emitting just 38 grammes of carbon dioxide per mile travelled, the XL1 Super Efficient Vehicle is also likely to be the vehicle of choice for green enthusiasts. Formally unveiled at the Qatar motor show last night, the XL1 is powered by an 800cc TDI two-cylinder diesel engine linked to an electric motor. The compact two-seater weighs just 795kg as it is built around a carbon fibre reinforced polymer exterior. It can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in 11.9 seconds and has a top speed of 99mph. Due to go on sale in 2013, the car is just under four metres long – the same size as a Volkswagen Polo – and sits lower off the ground than a Lamborghini sports car at 1.18m tall.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Don’t look at the background

January 27, 2011 at 2:12 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Turkish man seeks protection from sex-mad wife: “A desperate Turkish man living in Germany has turned to the police for protection from his insatiable wife’s constant demands for sex, authorities said yesterday. The man came to his local police station in southwestern Germany on Tuesday saying that he had been sleeping on the sofa for the past four years to escape the clutches of his wife of 18 years and mother of their two children. “Now he has decided to get a divorce and to move out … in the hope of finally getting some rest, particularly as he is anxious to arrive at work well rested,” police said in a statement. “At the moment this is impossible because he says his wife keeps coming into the living room demanding that he perform his marital duties. He asked for police help in getting some sleep at night.”

IA: Clerk stops robber with hammer: “I got a knife, and I want the money out of the cash register.’ And I says, ‘What did you say?’ He repeated it, and the third time he repeated it, I hit him in the head with a hammer,’ said clerk Glen Zirbe. ‘I expected him to drop, but he didn’t. Yeah, I hope he’s got a headache.'”

Rough female: “A Florida woman has been charged after a fight with an ex-boyfriend led to her allegedly throwing an urn filled with his mother’s ashes out a window. Ashley Renee Oxendine, 22, was arrested on Monday after she had gone to the home she had shared with her former flame to pick up some personal belongings, the Gainesville Sun said. While there, the pair got into an argument that became physical when Ms Oxendine hit the man in his face. Gainesville Police Department officials said that as the fight escalated, the enraged Ms Oxendine grabbed the urn and threw it at a window, breaking it and scattering the ashes. She was charged with domestic battery and criminal mischief”

McDonald’s restaurant in Northern England bans tracksuits in bid to stop bad behaviour: “A McDonald’s restaurant in the UK has banned young customers wearing tracksuits in an effort to put an end to bad behaviour. Customers under 18 are refused entry to McDonald’s in Leyland, near Preston, northwest England, after 7:00pm if they are wearing sweat pants, The (London) Telegraph reported yesterday. Manager Rachel Hilliker said, “Over the last few weeks we’ve experienced a lot of antisocial behavior from groups of youths. It’s almost gang-style fighting at the weekend. My staff have been threatened and been told they will be stabbed when they finish work”.

Iron age dog guarding ancient treasure: “Archaeologists have unearthed the skeleton of a dog that has lain underground for 2000 years, protecting a hoard of buried treasure. The dog’s remains, about the same size as a retriever or Alsatian, were discovered at the site of one of Britain’s most important Iron Age excavations. It is believed an ancient tribe, the Corieltauvi, who lived in Britain before the Roman conquest, killed then buried the dog between AD1 and AD50 so its spirit could protect the stockpile. The dog was found in a pit on the Hallaton Tresure site, near Market Harborough, Leicestershire, which became Britain’s largest find of Iron Age coins when it was excavated in 2000. The discovery suggests that man’s best friend has long been regarded as a protector and guardian.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The TV that can see

January 26, 2011 at 7:32 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Computer game skills save a life: “A driver believes his gaming skills honed the split-second reflex which miraculously enabled him to swerve out of the way of a lorry speeding towards him. Matthew Krizsan was driving along Highway 401 in Ontario, Canada, on Friday morning when the lorry travelling in the other direction smashed through a concrete barrier at great speed and into his path. Krizsan, who just happened to have his dashboard camera on at the time, had to react instantly as the vehicle jackknifed and hurtled towards him. But he managed to quickly and expertly swerve to his right, averting a potentially deadly collision. Impressively, he also managed to stay on the road and avoid crashing into any other vehicles around him. ‘Everything seemed to slow down and I think all those years playing video games as a kid paid-off,’ he told CTV Toronto. A 48-year-old lorry driver, [Indian] Bahadar Bassi, has been charged with careless driving.”

British couple cause $37,000 worth of damage to church after following GPS directions: “An elderly British couple is recovering today after a faulty GPS system led them to crash into a 19th-century German church, causing $37,000 worth of damage. The couple, who cannot be named under German data protection laws, were traveling Friday from Austria to France guided by their GPS system. The 76-year-old husband, who was driving, followed instructions to “turn right” but ended up hitting the chapel near Freundpolz, Bavaria. The man and his 78-year-old wife were taken to the hospital suffering from shock and bruises, before returning by train to Britain. Karl-Heinz Krueger, a passing motorist, told a local radio station: “The old man was more confused than the woman. He kept saying, It’s the machine – it told me to turn this way, but I suddenly ran out of road.”

Couple’s wedding goes up in smoke TWICE: “Perhaps he saw his bride in her wedding dress before the big day. There can’t be many other explanations for the extraordinary run of bad luck that Andrew Winter and Jodi Dryden have had when it comes to organising their wedding. First, the couple’s Sunderland house was devastated by fire weeks before their ceremony was due to take place on April 29 last year. With their possessions destroyed and their home uninhabitable, they decided to postpone tying the knot until April 29 this year – five years to the day since they got engaged. But their reception venue burnt to the ground months later – and then the royal wedding was arranged for the same day. The couple’s chosen date suddenly became a public holiday, doubling the cost of staff, venues and accommodation. The couple are still determined to marry on April 29 and are expecting a deposit refund from their fire-ravaged original reception venue, the Quality Hotel in Boldon, South Tyneside.”

Woman ‘hangs dog for chewing Bible’: “A woman has been charged with animal cruelty after she hanged her nephew’s pit bull from a tree with an electrical cord and burned its body because the dog chewed her Bible, police say. Animal control officers said 65-year-old Miriam Smith told them she killed a female dog named Diamond because it was a “devil dog” and she was worried it might harm neighbourhood children. Authorities said bond wasn’t immediately set for Mrs Smith, who remains jailed in Spartanburg County, South Carolina, US after her arrest at the weekend. She faces 180 days to five years in prison if convicted. Authorities say the dog’s remains were found under a pile of grass with part of an electrical cord around its neck.”

Illinois woman attacks cop with sex toy: “An Illinois woman who was arrested after allegedly attacking a police officer with a sex toy said today she was acting in self-defence. She had allegedly charged toward an officer with a “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device” when the officer went to Ms Bildsten’s apartment after she was accused of skipping out on a restaurant tab. Employees at Joe’s Crab Shack in Gurnee, located in the Chicago metropolitan area, said Ms Bildsten left the restaurant without paying for a second time. The officer involved in the incident first encountered Ms Bildsten lying in the grass. Ms Bildsten said he was “kind enough to take me home,” so she could retrieve her wallet. According to a police report, once home, Ms Bildsten reached into a dresser drawer for what the officer believed was money to pay the bill, but instead pulled out the sex toy and charged toward the officer. The officer deflected the attack with his hand and was not injured.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The Ghost of a Thanksgiving Yet to Come

January 25, 2011 at 11:04 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

“Winston, come into the dining room, it’s time to eat,” Julia yelled to her husband. “In a minute, honey, it’s a tie score,” he answered. Actually Winston wasn’t very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington. Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its “unseemly violence” and the “bad example it sets for the rest of the world,” Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch wasn’t nearly as exciting.

Yet wasn’t the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the thought of eating another TofuTurkey. Even though it was the best type of VeggieMeat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce and mince-meat pie), it wasn’t anything like real turkey. And ever since the government officially changed the name of “Thanksgiving Day” to “A National Day of Atonement” in 2020 to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims’ historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.

Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the TofuTurkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold. Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats—which were monitored and controlled by the electric company—be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.

Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the family. Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of live-saving medical treatment. He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care program. And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort. “The RHC’s resources are limited,” explained the government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. “Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Ed couldn’t make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines—for everyone but government officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn’t want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there.

Thankfully, Winston’s brother, John, and his wife were flying in. Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids. Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added “inconvenience” was an “absolute necessity” in order to stay “one step ahead of the terrorists.” Winston’s own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for “unequal scrutiny,” even when probable cause was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine. Almost.

The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact. “A living Constitution is extremely flexible,” said the Court’s eldest member, Elena Kagan. “Europe has had laws like this one for years. We should learn from their example,” she added.

Winston’s thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him. Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner. Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for a week, but got over it.

His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism or any of a number of other calamities were “just around the corner,” but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility. It didn’t help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being. Winston paid the $5000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13. The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to “spur economic growth.” This time they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.

Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement. At least he had his memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what like was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life “fair for everyone” realized their full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn’t happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.

He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around 2010, when all the real nonsense began. “Maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today if we’d just said ‘enough is enough’ when we had the chance,” he thought.

Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so.

Original story here

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Lost city of ‘cloud people’ found in Peru: “Archaeologists have discovered a lost city carved into the Andes Mountains by the mysterious Chachapoya tribe. The settlement covers some 12 acres and is perched on a mountainside in the remote Jamalca district of Utcubamba province in the northern jungles of Peru’s Amazon. The buildings found on the Pachallama peak are in remarkably good condition, estimated to be over 1,000 years old and comprised of the traditional round stone houses built by the Chachapoya, the ‘Cloud Forest People’. The area is completely overgrown with the jungle now covering much of the settlement but explorers found the walls of the buildings and rock paintings on a cliff face. The remote nature of the site appears to have protected the site from looters as archaeologists found ceramics and undisturbed burial sites. The ruins were initially discovered by local people hacking through the jungle. They were drawn to the place due to the sound of a waterfall. The local people “armed with machetes opened a path that arrived at the place where they saw a beautiful panorama, full of flowers and fauna, as well as a waterfall, some 500 metres high,” said the mayor of Jamalca, Ricardo Cabrera Bravo.”

Delta Air Lines pilot too drunk to fly jailed for six months: “A Delta Air Lines pilot was jailed for six months by a UK court for turning up drunk in London to fly a transatlantic passenger plane, according to British media. George La Perle, from Boston, was stopped by security officers at Heathrow airport at 8.30am on November 1 last year because he reeked of alcohol, Isleworth Crown Court in west London was told. When asked, the 49-year-old First Officer said he was flying to New York – when his actual destination was Detroit. He was later discovered to have four-and-a-half times the legal amount of alcohol for pilots in his blood. La Perle, who has 20 years of flying experience, was due to be one of three pilots in the cockpit of a Boeing 767, with 240 passengers on board.”

Getting married in a Florida car park: “For her wedding at the weekend, Nina Johnson worked through a predictable checklist of locations in town: hotel ballrooms, restaurant halls and catering outfits. In the end, though, she opted for the most glamorous, upscale and stylish setting she could find – a car park. “When we saw it, we were in total awe,” said Ms Johnson, 26, an art gallery director. “It’s breathtaking.” Created by a colourful Miami developer and a world-renowned architecture firm, it appears to be a new form: a piece of architecture that resembles a gigantic loft apartment, with exaggerated ceiling heights, 360-degree views and no exterior walls. The structure is so distinctive that Ms Johnson put its image on her 230 wedding invitations.”

Social networking leads to sex faster: “Nearly four out of five women and three of five men say they believe texting, Facebook and other social media tools for staying connected cause new couples to jump into bed faster, a survey released this week found. However, only 38 per cent of women say they have actually slept with a date any sooner because of digital intimacy, according to the 1200 women and men who participated in the third annual sex survey by Shape and Men’s Fitness magazines. Smartphones and laptops are the new toys that lead to the bedroom, it said, with nearly 80 per cent of women and 58 per cent of men saying social media tools leads to sex faster. Texting is the number one way lovers stay in touch, the survey found, with men texting 39 per cent more often than phoning and women 150 per cent more.”

Scientists left baffled as the official kilo loses weight: “Scientists say they are moving closer to coming up with a non-physical definition of the kilo after discovering the metal artefact used as the international standard had shed a little weight. At the moment, the international standard for the kilo is a chunk of metal, under triple lock-and-key in France since 1889. But scientists became concerned about the cylinder of platinum and iridium housed at the International Bureau of Weights and Measures (BIPM) in Sevres, near Paris, after discovering it had mysteriously lost a tiny amount of weight. Experts at the institute revealed in 2007 that the metal chunk is 50 micrograms lighter than the average of several dozen copies, meaning it had lost the equivalent of a small grain of sand.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The joys of motherhood

January 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Streaker fail: “He became an internet sensation for all the wrong reasons. Now the British builder whose disastrous attempt at streaking has been watched more than a million times on YouTube has told of his embarrassment. Tom Annandale, 28, of Manchester, stripped while on holiday in Spain and planned to run around a tennis court. But he failed to notice that the court was enclosed by a glass wall. A friend filmed Mr Annandale running straight into the glass wall and bouncing off on to his backside before running off in shame. The friend then posted the clip, entitled Streaker Fail, on YouTube and the clip went viral. “We’d been down the beach surfing and we were having a few beers by the pool,” Mr Annandale said. “I didn’t realise they were playing in an enclosed court. I am 6ft tall and weigh 16 stone and set off full pelt for my streak. “It was fine until I hit the glass wall. I split my forehead, bruised my shoulder, knocked my knee and was in agony, but the worst part was the embarrassment.” [Video at link]

New spy plane: “An experimental spy plane with a wingspan almost the size of a Boeing 747’s has taken to the skies over the Mojave Desert in a secret test flight that may herald a new era in modern warfare. The massive Global Observer is capable of flying for days at a stratosphere-skimming 20,000 metres, out of range of most anti-aircraft missiles. The plane is built to survey 725,000 square kilometres – an area larger than Afghanistan – at a single glance. That would give the Pentagon an ”unblinking eye” over the war zone and offer a cheaper and more effective alternative to spy satellites watching from space. The estimated $US30 million robotic aircraft is one of three revolutionary drones being tested in coming weeks at California’s Edwards Air Force Base”.

Born to be poor: “When Lawrence Candlish won £5.5million on the National Lottery in 1997 it promised to make his dreams come true, including buying himself the double hip replacement he needed. The generous factory worker immediately shared his fortune with his many relatives, splashing out £370,000 to buy seven houses in the same street in Gateshead, Tyne and Wear so that they could be close together. Eventually he moved with his family to Benidorm on Spain’s Costa Blanca to make a new life. But now the 36-year-old Newcastle United fan is back in England and admits he has ‘blown the lot.’ It is reported that Lawrence, 36, was so broke he had to borrow his taxi fare to the airport.”

Are Twitter users mad? “The way in which people frantically communicate online via social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook can be seen as a modern form of madness, according to the leading sociologist. Sherry Turkle, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, writes in her new book, Alone Together: “A behaviour that has become typical may still express the problems that once caused us to see it as pathological.” She explains that people are become isolated from reality due to such social networking sites because technology is dominating our lives and making us “less human”. Under the illusion of allowing us to communicate better, technology is actually isolating us from real human interactions in a cyber-reality that is a poor imitation of the real world, she suggests.”

Scots attempt to overturn US ban on haggis: “Scottish officials are attempting to persuade American politicians to reverse a 40-year ban on the haggis. Richard Lochhead, the Scottish Government’s Rural Affairs Secretary, has invited a delegation of American politicians to Scotland in the hope of persuading them to overturn the ban. The iconic Scottish dish is been barred in the US for more than 20 years because its food safety department prohibits the use of sheep lungs in food products. The US could provide a highly lucrative market for Scottish haggis producers, particularly in the run up to Burns Night, the traditional celebration of the life and poetry of Robert Burns. Mr Lochhead said: “We want to capitalise on the diaspora of Scots in the US and many of them would enjoy the opportunity to indulge in authentic Scottish haggis to accompany their neeps and tatties on Burns Night”.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Copper wire

January 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British”.

One week later, the state’s Dept of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia , reported the following:

“After digging as deep as 30 feet in Western Australia ’s Pilbara region, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nix. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

A government department does something sensible!: “A deer trying to jump the fence into rapper Eminem’s Detroit property has been impaled and its bloody carcass left dangling on the gate. The tragic event was one the rapper’s brother saw fit to capture in a photo which he sent to a local radio station, the Detroit Free Press reported. The sad event took a positive turn though, as the Michigan Department of Natural Resources removed the slain animal to process the meat and give it to a family in need.”

Electric lamp sells for £445,000 after it is revealed to be a 2,000-year-old relic: “The entrance hall was certainly grand enough, but maybe one of the corners could have done with a little more light. John Barratt had a brainwave. He would have that rather plain, squat looking vase turned into a table lamp. One hole drilled in the bottom for the flex; a couple of screws in the top for the light fitting. Then – in keeping with the prevailing style of the 1970s – a gaudy red shade to finish it off. He might have been a little less keen to mess about with the marble vase had he realised it was actually a rare Roman urn from the first century AD. And, despite his handiwork, it fetched £445,250 at auction when the contents of the late Mr Barratt’s home were sold. Now the cinerary vase, which would once have housed the ashes of an important citizen, is about to resume its status as a treasured, ancient relic.”

Monk caught with nun’s skeleton in luggage: “A monk has been detained at a Greek airport after the skeletal remains of a nun were allegedly found in his baggage. Security staff discovered a skull wrapped in cloth and skeletal remains in a sheet inside the 56-year-old Cypriot’s bag, Reuters reports. The monk said he was transferring her remains to a monastery in Cyprus and insisted she was a saint. The nun died four years ago and had attended a Cypriot convent, but was not officially recognised as a saint. “It appears to be the work of charlatans with a financial interest that is what I suspect,” Cyprus’s Archbishop Chrysostomos said. The skeletons of saints are worshipped in the Greek Orthodox tradition.”

Mutual incomprehension between Indian call center and British telephone customer: “Phone giant BT has apologised to Viv Tomkins after they claimed Indian call centre staff could not understand her Birmingham accent. Viv, 59, had expected a sympathetic response when she tried to sort out a BT vision bill and complained she could not understand what the employees said. Viv, of Ladywood, Birmingham, was put through to India four times and claimed she had to hang up ‘in despair’ every time. She said she was on the phone for 10 minutes at a time and constantly had to ask staff to repeat themselves. The final straw came when Charlene Conway, from BT’s correspondence centre in Durham, sent a letter blaming HER accent for the problem. BT said: We’d like to apologise. The letter was not intended to cause offence. We have contacted the customer to clarify.’ [I can't understand most call-centre foreigners either -- B]

Maniac films himself clinging to railway tracks as train runs over his body: “This is the moment a man miraculously escapes with his life after lying down on tracks and letting a train run over him. The incredible footage shows the unknown male lying lengthways between the tracks while an approaching train terrifyingly thunders over the top of him. He seems inches from death as he presses himself tightly to the floor while the train passes by. In the 56-second video, the man, who is wearing a hooded jacket, dark trousers and black shoes, is seen looking up nervously at the camera as what looks like a freight train can be heard approaching in the background. After it spends 20 seconds thundering past, mere inches from his head, the man casually checks himself for injuries, jumps up, collects his camera and runs off as the train screeches to a halt out of shot.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

A Goodie or a Baddie?

January 22, 2011 at 3:43 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

It’s a Mexican policeman in Ciudad Juarez. He’s trying to frighten drug cartel members. Wish him luck. He’ll need it

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Footballer “forgets” his Porsche: “Having started his career as Britain’s most expensive teenage footballer, it should come as little surprise that Jermaine Pennant has developed decadent tastes, although even some of his Premier League peers may have been surprised at the extent of his latest extravagance. It emerged yesterday that Pennant abandoned a Porsche when he left Real Zaragoza for a loan spell at Stoke City last August, with the Spanish authorities contacting him through his former club last week. Pennant has a large collection of sports cars, which goes some way towards explaining his extraordinary response when informed of the situation: that he had forgotten he owned it. The car had been parked at Zaragoza railway station for almost six months until the local authorities contacted the club last week.”

A grand old man: “He comes from a generation where if you want something doing, you take responsibility and do it yourself. So when 91-year-old former flight lieutenant Alan Cresswell needs to dispose of his rubbish, he doesn’t trouble the council – he hops on his mobility buggy. The retired Second World War RAF pilot ties his wheelie bin to the back and trundles off on an hour-long round trip to the tip. Up to the traffic lights, down the main road, through the pedestrianised shopping centre and all the way to the dump. Here, the bin-men unhitch the bin, heave the contents into the relevant skip, and wave him off as he navigates back home. Job done; mission accomplished. It’s not that his neighbourhood has much problem with rubbish collection – even in the snow, the bins were emptied on time. It’s just that sometimes he forgets to put it out on the right day.”

FL: Burglars snort man’s ashes, thought it was cocaine: “Burglars snorted the cremated remains of a man and two dogs in the mistaken belief that they had stolen illegal drugs, Florida sheriff’s deputies said on Wednesday. The ashes were taken from a woman’s home in the central Florida town of Silver Springs Shores on December 15. The thieves took an urn containing the ashes of her father and another container with the ashes of her two Great Danes, along with electronic equipment and jewelry.”

Wolves with good taste: “A 13-YEAR-OLD Norwegian boy saw off a pack of wolves with a blast of heavy metal music from his cell phone, music website Zvuki.ru reported today. Walter Acre was walking home from school in the central municipality of Rakkestad when he found himself encircled by the four snarling beasts. But just as they prepared to sink their teeth into the petrified youngster, he pulled out his mobile phone and cranked out a song by US metal legends, Megadeth. Walter had previously been told not to run away from wolves but to face them and attempt to scare them away. And sure enough, the tactic worked as the thrash guitar music sent the animals scattering in confusion, Zvuki.ru said.”

Croc swallows cellphone: “Workers at a Ukrainian aquarium didn’t believe it when a visitor said a crocodile swallowed her phone. Then the reptile started ringing. But Gena, the 14-year-old croc who swallowed the phone, has hardly been living a fairy tale: He hasn’t eaten or had a bowel movement in four weeks and appears depressed and in pain. Gena noshed on the Nokia phone after Rimma Golovko dropped it in the water. She had stretched out her arm, trying to snap a photo of Gena opening his mouth, when the phone slipped. Doctors tried to whet the crocodile’s appetite this week by feeding him live quail rather than the pork or beef he usually gets once a week. The quail were injected with vitamins and a laxative, but while Gena smothered one bird, he didn’t eat it. Dnipropetrovsk chief veterinarian Oleksandr Shushlenko said the crocodile will be taken for an X-ray next week if he continues to refuse food.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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