The last laugh?

July 31, 2010 at 6:07 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

British government creating virgins: “Increasing numbers of Muslim brides are having taxpayer-funded ‘virginity repair’ operations before marriage. There were 116 hymen replacement operations carried out on the NHS between 2005 and 2009. The total for 2009 was 30, up 25 per cent from 24 in 2005. The health service figures echo a trend reported by private clinics, which are seeing a huge surge in demand for the procedure from Muslim women paying up to £4,000. Doctors say patients are under pressure from future husbands or relatives who insist that they should be virgins on their wedding night. Critics, including moderate Muslim groups, have condemned the trend as a sign of the spread of Islamic fundamentalism in the West.

First pictures of amazing baby: “Both Angela and Ben are black, of Nigerian stock, with dark brown eyes and dark hair. Little Nmachi, who is just two weeks old, is about as white as you can get – and with piercing blue eyes and a shock of the blondest hair to boot. And no, she isn’t albino. Many babies are hailed as ‘miracles’. It seems that Nmachi might be one of the few who truly deserves the title. in genetic terms, she is indeed most unusual – if not unheard of. For the past week, since news of her arrival broke, the scientific community has been scratching its head. As far as Ben and Angela are concerned, there is no ‘white’ blood in their family history. Ben’s mother has lighter skin and eyes than him, but she is still unmistakably ‘black’. The couple themselves were as shocked as anyone when Nmachi emerged. Ben was in the delivery room at the birth – ‘a good thing’, he says. ‘It was a Caesarean, and I was there, so I saw her being lifted out. I’m very glad I was, otherwise I’d have been saying: “What mistake has been made here?”

A city government in England bans staff from wearing mini-skirts: “A council has warned female employees they could be sent home if their skirts are too short. A memo sent by bosses at Southampton City Council, in southern England, has instructed the council’s 400 staff to dress appropriately for work, The Daily Mail reports. Social workers, youth workers and other employees in the council’s children’s services department were told to “carefully consider their work attire”. Women were advised to wear trousers or skirts of “reasonable length” – “not mini-skirts”. Staff are said to be outraged by the email. The council’s union secretary Mike Tucker told The Dail Mail: “I would have thought the council has got better things to do than impose a regimented approach to what people wear.”

Australian city can’t get its train doors right: “Train passengers have been left stranded at strange stations late at night because malfunctioning doors are preventing them from getting off at the correct stop. TransAdelaide has confirmed the “door mechanisms” on the newly refurbished railcars have been malfunctioning and say they are now working to fix the problem. A passenger told The Advertiser how he and four women were trapped on a train after trying to get off at a stop on the Noarlunga line last Wednesday at about 9pm. The man said he was even more concerned that an emergency button that calls the driver rang out after he tried to report the problem. In 2007, TransAdelaide was forced to station guards at the doors of some carriages because doors were opening while the train was moving. The service recorded 314 problems that year with the doors of its 92-car fleet.”

Indiana policeman has to pay entry fee to make arrest at County Fair: “An Indiana Sheriff’s Sergeant was reportedly made to pay a $5 admission fee to get into the LaPorte County Fair so he could make an arrest. The scene was not that unlike the Keystone Cops, the silent movie police force made popular in 1913 for their bungling attempts at upholding the law. LaPorte County Sheriff’s Department Sergeant Mike Kellems tried to get into the fair to take a fugitive into custody just after 5pm on Friday (local time), but was stopped by a private security firm at the gate who wouldn’t let him pass until he paid the admission fee. Sergeant Kellems paid the entry and Robert Aubin, 23, was arrested. “I think there’s some common sense that got overlooked there,” Gene Shurte, general manager of the LaPorte County Fair, told the newspaper.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Some good answers

July 30, 2010 at 3:12 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

JFK’S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60′s when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded, “Does that include those who are buried here?”

DeGaulle did not respond.

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When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of ‘empire building’ by George Bush. He answered by saying,

“Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.”

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There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, “Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?”

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: “Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?”

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A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, “Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?”

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, “Maybe it’s because the Brit’s, Canadians, Aussie’s and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.”

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Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

“You have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

“Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.”

The American said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”

“Impossible.. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France !”

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ”Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Middle-aged women ‘more sexually active’: “Middle-aged women are more sexually active and enjoy better orgasms than younger women, according to the latest scientific research. Researchers found that more than half of 18 to 30 year-olds struggle to find satisfaction between the sheets – a much higher proportion than those aged between 31 and 54. And the most sexually active groups is 31 to 45 year-olds (87 per cent) – ahead of 18 to 30 year-olds (85 per cent) and 46 to 54 year-olds (74 per cent). But an alarming two-in-three women suffer from sexual dysfunction with the problems rising with age in all categories – apart from orgasm. This bucked the trend with problems higher among 18 to 30 year-olds (54 per cent) than in the 31 to 45 (43 per cent) and 46 to 54 (48 per cent) age groups. It then soared to 66% in 55 to 70 year-olds and 87 per cent for the over 70s.”

The tubby British man who’s the bane of TV reporters: “Paul Yarrow’s face, and physique, are more suitable for radio – but that has not stopped him in his relentless pursuit of a glittering TV career. The stocky balding man has so far appeared on British TV more than 100 times this year, in news reports for BBC1, ITV, Channel 4, Sky News and Al Jazeera. The trouble is none of the channels wanted him there, the Daily Mail reports. Dressed in his wrinkled sweater, Mr Yarrow stands – or wanders – wordlessly behind the reporters with a quizzical look on his face. Mr Yarrow, 42, appeared in several live Sky News reports from a protest outside the BBC TV centre in west London throughout that afternoon and evening. A few weeks later, he appeared with a shopping bag in the BBC’s London news reports. When asked about his dogged efforts to appear on TV, Mr Yarrow was philosophical. “I’m trying to make a statement: ‘Be who you are.’ I’m just a common person in the street,” he told the Daily Mail, adding that that there were too many beautiful people on TV”

Hidden treasures found in man’s underwear: “British border control officials caught an Italian man trying to smuggle £10,000 ($17,000) out of Northern Ireland in his underwear. The man was stopped by border control officials on July 23 as he boarded a flight to Rome from Belfast International Airport. The cash – which consisted of British Pound Sterling and Euro notes – was discovered in the man’s underwear, pockets and wallet. The UK Border Agency said today the man was not able to provide a “reasonable explanation” for why he was carrying such a large amount of cash. “The money was detained under the Proceeds of Crime Act and will only be returned if he can provide proof to a court that the money came from a legitimate source.”

Baby drowns at baptism: “Police are investigating the death of baby boy who drowned in front of his parents when a baptism in Moldova went horribly wrong. Six week-old Laurentiu Gaydeu was dipped under the water three times as 20 members of his family looked on proudly, Pravda reported today. However, the holy ceremony turned to horror when the priest forgot to cover the youngster’s mouth as he submerged him. Family members including Laurentiu’s parents, Ludmila and Dmitry, became anxious when they noticed the baby was looking unwell. But the priest allegedly dismissed their concerns and pushed on with the baptism in Mihaileny, a small village in the Rishcansky district of Moldova. It soon became clear the child was showing no signs of life. Laurentiu was rushed to the hospital but medics were unable to revive him, the online Russian newspaper said.”

Parrot scares off burglars with piercing screech: “A crime-fighting parrot scared off a gang of burglars by screeching loudly during a night-time raid. Thieves who prised open the front door of a house in London’s Docklands were shocked to be met by the owner’s pet bird. The parrot, named Kuzya, let out a piercing screech that could be heard streets away, prompting the robbers to turn on their heels and flee. Gennadi Kurkul, 42, the bird’s owner, said that his neighbours were full of praise for the noisy green Lory parrot. He said: “They reached in through a window and managed to open the door and get in. “But they must have disturbed Kuzya. He let out a massive scream. You could hear it all over the Docklands.” All the burglars managed to seize during their 4am raid was Mr Kurkul’s wallet, which had been left close to the window.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Some strange signs in a car, pic apparently taken in Thailand

July 29, 2010 at 4:14 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I’m guessing that the car concerned is a cab

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Boy, 5, wins $10,000 defamation damages over chips theft claim: “A FIVE-year-old Irish boy who was wrongly accused of stealing a bag of chips won E7,500 damages for defamation of character. Tadhg Mooney, from Balbriggan, north of Dublin, had just finished shopping with his mother Rachel at their local Lidl grocery store in June last year when a cashier came after him, taking him by the hand and accusing him of stealing. Finding him crying inside the store, his mother presented a receipt showing she had paid for the bag, their lawyer Dermot McNamara said. But the shop manager failed to take her concerns seriously, causing her to take legal proceedings against the firm for slander, for false imprisonment, assault and negligence. “We managed to settle it over negotiations lasting for a month or two and they eventually gave an offer of €7,500″ McNamara said.”

Another Russian spy: ” Just after the very public break up of the Russian spy ring in which Russian bombshell Anna Chapman was shipped back to the country, authorities have found yet another sexy beauty with ties to Russia, after she was caught trying to smuggle night vision rifle sights into Russia from the United States. Anna Fermanova, who is a beautician, was discovered with fifteen thousand dollars worth of rifle sights, made to be used at night, in her luggage while attempting to board a flight from JFK International Airport in New York to Moscow. This occurred back in March, and she was allowed to continue on to Moscow after the seven thousand dollar Raptor 4 X Night Vision Weapons Sights, and the two other night vision devices which were worth four thousand dollars each were taken. Fermanova, who was born in Latvia, was arrested on July 15 for the March incident when she returned to the United States from Russia.”

Florida man spends $200K to win parking rights for his driveway: “An American man has spent $220,000 defending his right to park his truck in his own driveway in a two-year battle with his housing body. When he first moved to the house in Odessa, Florida in 1997, A.J. Vizzi was told that parking his large truck in the driveway was not against the subdivision’s rules, myfoxtampabay.com reported. But years later, community governance body the Eagles Masters Association said it did violate their rules and therefore had to go. As the truck did not fit in his garage, Mr Vizzi stood his ground and tee homeowners’ association then sued him, kicking off a two-year court battle. In December 2008, a judge ruled in his favour – but the homeowners’ association appealed the decision, sending the case back to court. In March, Mr Vizzi won again, and a judge awarded him more than $187,000 in legal fees this week.”

Britain’s e superfly with a taste for humans: “If you’re sitting in your garden and suddenly feel a sharp nip on your leg, beware – it may be the beginning of a thoroughly unpleasant experience. Wildlife experts are warning that a superfly with a taste for human blood is being blamed for a surge of infected insect bites that has left some victims hospitalised. The experts say the Blandford fly – a tiny bug that used to be found only in streams in rural southern England – is moving into towns and cities, encouraged by the popularity of garden water features. The creature may be just two or three millimetres long but it packs a painful and unpleasant punch. Concerns about the spread of the Blandford fly, also known as the black fly, follow reports of a rise in infected insect bites in the last few weeks.”

Brits eating squirrels: “They are more commonly found scurrying down the garden path than on the shelves of your local store. But one grocery chain is selling grey squirrels for meat – and reporting ‘huge interest’ in the high-protein, low-fat dish. Budgens has stocked the shelves of a London branch with the meat. Once a staple of the national diet, it is said to have a nutty flavour and can be cooked in soups, pies and casseroles. But animal welfare group Viva has accused Budgens of cashing in on a ‘wildlife massacre’ by putting grey squirrel back on the menu. Viva founder and zoologist Juliet Gellatley said: ‘Culls of thousands of grey squirrels by so-called conservation groups to boost populations of red squirrels are irrational… However, Henry Atwell, a butcher from Walton, Somerset, is selling ten squirrels a week at less than £3 each.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The Elbonians

July 28, 2010 at 5:02 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I can’t imagine who they would be. Can you? Beard and female garment could be relevant

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

$45 garage sale purchase worth $200 million?: “A lawyer says a trove of old glass negatives bought in California for $US45 has been authenticated as the work of iconic photographer Ansel Adams, worth at least $US200 million. Lawyer Arnold Peter says a team of experts has concluded the 65 negatives are from the early work of Adams. It was believed the work had been destroyed in a fire decades ago. The negatives were bought 10 years ago at a garage sale in Fresno by painter Rick Norsigian, who noticed they resembled Adams’ famed photographs of Yosemite National Park and hired Peter to assemble a team of experts.

Mother ‘sent daughter to work in brothel’: “A mother has been charged with sending her 16-year-old daughter to work as a prostitute at a brothel in Sydney’s eastern suburbs. The Wollongong District Court was told yesterday the schoolgirl was taken by her mother to Liaisons Executive Retreat, a brothel in the eastern inner-city suburb of Edgecliff, and was made to work there for two weeks. The Ten Network reported last night that the girl allegedly provided services to more than 18 clients over period of 13 hours, charging up to $330 an hour and working under the name “Layla”. The woman is accused of taking most of the girl’s earnings as a prostitute to support the family. The girl’s father reported his former wife to the police after his daughter told him she had been subjected to acts of violence, which made her cry”.

iPad owners ‘over-achieving selfish elites’: “IPAD owners are six times more likely to be wealthy, highly educated and sophisticated 30-50 year olds who value power and achievement. They’re also selfish and unkind, according to a survey of 20,000 people conducted by US consumer research firm MyType. MyType spokesman Tim Koelkebeck gave his unflattering appraisal of iPad owners on the company’s blog after the firm released the results of the survey online. But what about the iPad’s critics? Mr Koelkebeck said 96 per cent of those don’t own an iPad, but they’re generally independent-minded young people who “shun conformity”, he said.”

Record numbers of fake British coins could force the mint to scrap them: “Record numbers of fake £1 coins in circulation could force the Royal Mint to scrap the entire denomination and reissue it. There are now about 41million counterfeits, or one in every 36 coins in current use. It is thought that the proportion of fakes has tripled in the last decade. Experts and MPs said there was now a serious risk that consumer confidence in the coin was becoming compromised. ‘The effect on consumers has to be a major consideration. If you take it to the shop that gives it to you they may replace it on trust, but they don’t have to. The biggest losers are small shopkeepers who are not refunded by banks if they send fake coins from their tills.”

Tropical terrors found in Britain: “They are one of the largest poisonous spiders in the world and are capable of blinding you with their venom. So you can imagine the alarm after experts warned there may be a whole batch of escaped tarantulas on the loose. Experts have issued a warning after two young Chilean Rose tarantulas were found at properties just two miles apart. The pair of Chilean Rose tarantulas were discovered by homeowners wandering free in their gardens and now the RSPCA have urged people to be on their guard. The slow-moving large spiders from South America are a popular breed among collectors. They have a unique defence mechanism – when threatened the spiders use their hind legs to flick small, barbed hairs into the air which can cause intense pain and even blindness if they penetrate a person’s eye. Last year a 29-year-old man had to be treated at St James’s Hospital in Leeds after the hairs embedded themselves in his cornea.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The wonders of “up”

July 27, 2010 at 4:29 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Some more of the weirdness of English

It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is clogged UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so…….it is time to shut UP!

Now it’s UP to you what you do with this UPlifting information.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Pigeons shoo away band: “A bombardment of poop from pigeons forced the chart-topping band, Kings of Leon, to run for cover. The band scrapped their gig in St Louis, Missouri, after just three songs when the bombardment of pigeons’ droppings continued, KTLA reported. The rafters of the Verizon Amphitheater are filled with pigeons and as soon as the rockers took to the stage they started to poop. Kings bassist Jared Followill said there was already poop on his pedal and carpet when he took the stage and that he was hit multiple times during the first two songs. “The last thing I was going to do was look up … but if that was only a couple, we must have caught them right after a big Thanksgiving dinner,” jokes Followill.”

India’s $35 tablet — how low can it go?: “India on Thursday unveiled a prototype tablet computer that would sell for a mere 1,500 rupees, or $35, with the price possibly dropping even further as R&D efforts continue. Kapil Sibal, the country’s Minister for Human Resource Development, showed off the super-cheap touch-screen device in New Delhi as part of a push to provide high-quality education to students across the country. The tablet also comes with a solar-power option that could make it more feasible for rural areas.”

A colorful bank robber: “US authorities say a man has robbed a bank wearing a woman’s blonde wig, fake breasts under a sweater and clown pants. Pennsylvania police say 48-year-old Dennis Hawkins was sitting in a parked car covered in red dye from an exploding packet in a bag of money when he was arrested. Police chief Greg Geppert says Hawkins robbed the bank in Swissvale at gunpoint on Saturday, using a toy BB gun he had shoplifted from a store. Chief Geppert says Hawkins then entered a woman’s car. She got out, took her keys and alerted police. Hawkins was found sitting in the car.

Sex weighs on men’s minds: “It isn’t just women who have “fat days” when they don’t feel attractive to their partners. One in three men admit that gaining weight lowers their confidence in the bedroom. Research shows men who feel unattractive are less likely to initiate sex and one in four men have considered dieting to boost their libido. According to the study, an astonishing 65 per cent of men admit to struggling with their sexual performance at some point, while more than half who had experienced problems admitted they did not talk about it with their partner. The study was commissioned by the first online health surgery for men in the UK, which includes specialist sexual health clinics.”

Air travellers warned of sleeping pill danger: “Doctors are urging travellers not to take sleeping tablets during long-haul flights following the death of a healthy woman from blood clots. The 36-year-old woman, who was not identified due to patient confidentiality laws, had taken a single sleeping tablet and spent most of the flight asleep in one position, the New England Journal of Medicine reported last week. Tests confirmed that she died from deep-vein thrombosis (DVT) – blood clots formed in her legs had travelled through her body and lodged in her heart and lungs, causing brain damage. “Sleeping tablets are not recommended on aircraft, since they tend to immobilise you and increase your risk of thrombosis,” Dr Deborah Mills, Medical Director of The Travel Doctor in Australia, said.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Is one still allowed to like white?

July 26, 2010 at 6:13 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

It’s Christina Hendricks at the Golden Globe Awards in Los Angeles in January. The British government likes her too! No kidding

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Horny old Jewish couple: “When Henry Kerr met an attractive younger woman, he feared she wouldn’t give an older man a second glance. So he embarked on a four-year campaign to win over the object of his affections, writing her love poetry and spending hours exchanging life stories. And yesterday, 97-year- old Mr Kerr proved you can’t hurry love, when he finally wed his younger companion – Valerie Berkowitz, 87. Mr Kerr, who moved to the care home in 2006 when he was 94, said: ‘When I did ask her to marry me a few months ago she went hysterical – she put her head down on the table and couldn’t stop laughing.’ The couple finally married in a traditional Jewish ceremony yesterday at their care home in Golders Green, followed by a high tea for 90 guests.”

A dam big bridge: “It is one of the planet’s newest awe-inspiring superstructures – the Hoover Dam Bridge. Twelve years in planning and five years under construction, the development – known officially as the ‘Mike O’Callaghan-Pat Tillman Memorial Bridge’ – is finally taking shape. Rising 890 ft above the Colorado River, when finished, its total length will be 1,900 ft, with its longest supported span running to 1080 ft. Built in the shadow of the iconic Hoover Dam, which powers most of states Nevada and Arizona, the construction is the first concrete-steel composite arch bridge built in the United States. With costs estimated to run to £160 million, the bridge is designed to take the pressure off the congested US Highway 93 and is expected to carry 17,000 trucks and cars daily. It will also allow the roadway that runs on top of the Hoover Dam to close.”

“Eco” drivers’ licenses coming in Europe: “Brussels plans to test drivers on environmental friendliness. Learner drivers could fail their driving test if they pose a threat to the planet, under proposals being draw up by the European Commission. Braking suddenly, revving the engine or wasting fuel by being too heavy on the accelerator pedal could prove costly. This is because Brussels wants to include “eco-driving” – cutting carbon emissions at the wheel – in the practical driving test. The plans, which could consign “boy racer” drivers to history, were unveiled earlier this week by Siim Kallas, the EU’s Transport Commissioner as part of a comprehensive road safety strategy for the next decade. It would be achieved by widening the current EU Driving Licence Directive, which is binding on all member states.”

Wayward Alzheimer’s patients foiled by fake bus stop: “A German nursing home has come up with a novel idea to stop Alzheimer’s patients from wandering off: a phantom bus stop. The bus stop, in front of the Benrath Senior Centre in the western city of Düsseldorf, is an exact replica of a standard stop, with one small difference: buses never stop there. The idea emerged after the centre was forced to rely on police to retrieve patients who wanted to return to their homes and families but had forgotten that in many cases neither existed any longer. “If we can’t find them then we have to alert the police,” said Benrath’s director Richard Neureither. “It can be particularly dangerous if this happens in winter and they spend the night out in the cold.” Our members are 84 years-old on average. Their short-term memory hardly works at all, but the long-term memory is still active. They know the green and yellow bus sign and remember that waiting there means they will go home.” The result is that errant patients now wait for their trip home at the bus stop, before quickly forgetting why they were there in the first place.”

Smart baboons: “Baboons in Cape Town have learned to listen out for the tweet of a car’s remote central locking before deciding whether to break in to search for food, according to the local authorities. The highly intelligent animals lie in wait as tourists get out of their car to gaze at the view from Cape Peninsula – the thin finger of land in the south westernmost corner of South Africa that juts out into the Atlantic Ocean. Then, if they haven’t heard the telltale “tweet” of the locking system, they sneak over and open the car door to plunder its contents. So many picnics have now been lost to the simian raiders that the local authorities are pushing the government to commission an official baboon warning road sign”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Some useful words

July 25, 2010 at 6:21 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

British author Adam Jacot de Boinod fell in love with odd words after discovering that Albanians have 27 different terms for the eyebrow.

In his new book I Never Knew There Was A Word For That, the ex researcher for TV panel game QI has uncovered words used through history to define hard-to-describe body parts and their functions

POGONION: The bit in the middle of your chin that most sticks out.

PHILTRUM: The groove below your nose and above your mouth.

GLABELLA: The gap between your eyebrows.

CANTHUS: Corner of the eye where the upper and lower lids meet.

FIPPLE: The lower lip.

JOBLOCKS: Fleshy hanging cheeks (on your face!)

SIMOUS: A flat or turned up nose.

WIKINS: The corners of the mouth.

MIMPING: To speak in a prissy manner.

BORBORYGMUS: The rumbling sounds made by the tummy.

CALLIPYGIAN: Ancient Greek word for a shapely bum.

COKE-BOTTLE SHOULDERS: The shoulders of someone who takes no responsibility.

QUOBLED: Hands that are shrivelled and wrinkled from doing too much washing-up.

BANANA FOLD: The fat line below the buttocks.

LIK-POT: The forefinger of the right hand.

PROGNATHOUS: To have a big jaw that juts forward.

BUFFALO HUMP: Lump of fat between the shoulder blades at the base of the neck.

COCKTHROPPLED: Having an unusually large Adam’s apple.

More here

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Monkeys monkeying around: “Accused of injuring old ladies and stealing cellphones, a gang of monkeys has been bullying residents of a Mumbai suburb for the past three months. Gunavanti Vora, an 87-year-old resident of Vile Parle, a village on the outskirts of India’s largest city, was shooing one of the perpetrators away from her window one afternoon, The Times of India reported, when the animal, attempting to steal a biscuit, knocked her down and left her with a fractured leg. In a similar incident reported by the Times, a monkey broke an old woman’s hand while trying to steal the prasad – a religious food offering – she carried home from temple. And the monkeys are not just snatching food…. the monkey took my mobile and jumped out of the window. I called up my number. Alarmed by the vibrating mobile, the monkey dropped it on the terrace of the first floor.” Locals have accused the authorities of failing to tackle the ongoing monkey mayhem.”

U.S. withdraws ‘pain ray’ from Afghan war zone: “A ‘pain ray’ that blasts the enemy with unbearable heat waves hasbeen pulled out of Afghanistan by the US military. The Active Denial System (ADS), which cost about £42 million to develop, was on the brink of being deployed to disperse members of the Taliban as they attacked US forces. The weapon, which causes immense pain to subjects but no lasting physical damage, was pulled from the war zone last week but US army chiefs in Afghanistan have stayed silent about the reason for the U-turn. The ADS, which has been in development for almost 20 years, works by firing a beam of high-frequency waves at the speed of light. The beam can cover a person’s entire body, causing agonising pain as it heats water and fat molecules beneath the skin’s surface. The beam can hit someone up to a third of a mile away, and they are only relieved of the pain when they move out of the way.”

India: Census groups housewives with prostitutes, beggars: “India’s Supreme Court criticised the country’s Census for grouping housewives with prostitutes, beggars and prisoners in the survey’s “economically non-productive” category, The Times of India reported overnight. The censure came as two justices agreed to increase the compensation awarded to a man whose wife died in an accident. “This bias is shockingly prevalent in the work of Census,” Justice A K Ganguly said. “In the Census of 2001, it appears that those who are doing household duties like cooking, cleaning of utensils, looking after children, fetching water, collecting firewood have been categorised as non-workers and equated with beggars, prostitutes and prisoners who, according to Census, are not engaged in economically productive work.” The court said that a wife’s management of household affairs and her care for her children cannot be compared with other professions.”

Homes worth more on a street than on a road: “Addresses containing the word “street” are worth $100,000 more than those ending in “road”. But people who live in avenues, esplanades or parades are doing as much as $400,000 better. Analysis of NSW [Australia] home values based on thoroughfare types has shown the average price of a house on a street is $516,000, compared with $409,000 for a dwelling on a road. Boulevards, avenues and esplanades have average prices hitting $511,000, $649,000 and $809,000 respectively, while those on a parade come in at an average of $641,000. “Gardens” is the most often used high-value name, with just 54 in NSW carrying an average value of $1.18 million.”

Miraculous escape for driver as car falls 20ft into sinkhole: “Lance Treankler was driving his black Cadillac Escalade during torrential rains in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, yesterday, when the road opened up beneath him. ‘The road just went out from under me,’ Mr Treankler said. ‘When I landed, my head snapped back. I went unconscious for a few seconds. ‘When I looked up, I saw water run over me.’ Mr Treankler was rescued by a passer-by, 46-year-old Mark Pawlik, who was walking along when he saw the vehicle disappear and a traffic light land on its roof. The 20-foot-deep, 40-foot-wide sinkhole formed when a manhole collapsed, and will require several weeks to repair, a city spokesman said.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

You think English is easy???

July 24, 2010 at 2:33 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

This is an old one but I think there are a few recent additions to it below

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.?

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English-speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’? And why is a French horn called a French horn when an English horn is called a “cor anglais”? Shouldn’t we have a “cor francais” and and English horn? And why are the inhabitants of the Netherlands called Dutch, when the people who call themselves Dutch (“Deutschen”) are Germans?

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Older drivers ARE best after hi-tech tests show they outshine younger rivals: “Whether dithering at a junction or taking an age to park, the older motorist is often a horn beep away from a confrontation with an angry, younger driver. But those critics should perhaps take a long look at themselves in the rear-view mirror. A study shows elderly drivers are more capable than their less experienced counterparts. Researchers wired up 74 drivers, split into three age categories, to software that simulated driving and tracked responses to hazards, such as cars emerging from blind spots and pedestrians standing on kerbs. Those in the oldest age category, who had been driving for more than 37 years, were as good at responding to risks as those in the middle age category. Inexperienced drivers performed the worst, tending to fixate on what was straight ahead, and many failed to respond to cars emerging from the sides of the road.”

Catholic priests ‘filmed at gay clubs and having casual sex’: “The Catholic Church in Italy was embroiled in a fresh scandal on Friday when photographs apparently showing homosexual priests attending gay nightclubs and engaging in casual sex were published in a magazine. A journalist from Panorama, a conservative weekly news magazine owned by Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian prime minister, used a hidden camera to film interviews with three gay priests, who introduced the journalist to the gay clubs they apparently frequent, and allowed the journalist to film their sexual encounters with strangers, including one in a church building. One of the priests, a Frenchman identified only as Paul, celebrated Mass in the morning before driving the two escorts he had hired to attend a party the night before to the airport, Panorama said.”

Two nuns go on run over threat to send them to retirement home: “Two fugitive nuns in their 80s have gone on the run in France to escape being sent to a retirement home by their Mother Superior. Sister Marie-Daniel, 86, and Sister Saint-Denis, 82, fled their nunnery two weeks ago after convent officials said they were being sent to a remote mountain retreat 250 miles away. The pair vanished from the Sisters of Saint-Joseph convent in Roquebrune-Cap-Martin, on the French Riviera convent, on July 12 and have not been seen since. A convent insider had told France-Soir newspaper that the nuns were furious at being “put out to grass” in a retirement home after 50 years at the nunnery. They said: “They decided they wanted to jump before they were pushed. “They would rather take their chances out in the world than have to live out their days in some far away rest home.”

App tracks iPhone thief in nine minutes: “A man accused of swiping an Apple iPhone out of a woman’s hand in San Francisco may have been shocked when police found him only nine minutes later. It turns out the phone had been tracking his every move. The iPhone was being used to test a new, real-time GPS tracking application, and the woman holding it was an intern for the software’s maker, Mountain View-based Covia Labs. Covia chief executive officer David Khan had sent the intern into the street to demonstrate the software. Police said Horatio Toure snatched it and sped away on a bicycle. Khan was watching a live map of the phone’s location on a computer and said he was immediately struck by how quickly the image began moving down the street. Police arrested Toure nine minutes later, and the intern identified him as the thief.”

The road that goes nowehere — but it’s got a pedestrian crossing: “A zebra crossing has been installed to allow pedestrians to safely make their way… across a field. The crossing was planned to help travellers on a new road leading through the Misox Valley in Graubunden, Switzerland, but the project was shelved – leaving the new road ending up in a meadow. Local woman Heidi Zoech, 32, said: ‘You can see the yellow lights blinking in the middle of the night, and it has even become a bit of a tourist attraction in its own right. ‘But other than the occasional curious onlooker there is nobody there to use it – only some Swiss cows”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Some ramblings of a Retired Mind

July 23, 2010 at 4:05 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can’t afford one. So, I’m wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I’ve gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, ‘Oh, have you got a cat?’ Just once I want to say, ‘No, it’s for company!’

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, ‘A Good Doctor’!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Charming: Guy in Australia’s wild North outdoes the soup Nazi by far: “A Darwin restaurant owner has launched a tirade against a group of mothers – suggesting they “keep their legs closed” – after one diner brought her 11-week-old baby to his eatery. He then accused one woman of having “saggy tits” and suggested another had a “floppy c…”. Tramontana restaurant owner John Spellman refused to discuss the incident with the Northern Territory News yesterday. “Who cares,” he said when asked about the matter. Health worker Katie, 35, who asked not to have her surname published, said she booked the dinner for five women – including a mother with a newborn – on Wednesday night at the exclusive $1.7 million Italian restaurant. “As we walked out, he yelled out ‘you ladies better keep your legs together or you will end up like your friend’.” “When I called him a bastard, he said my friend had saggy tits. And I probably had a floppy ‘c’. He actually used the word.”

False bottoms: “Fascination with the hind-quarters of Beyonce and Kim Kardashian is fueling a booming market for undergarments that amplify the derriere. For centuries, women have wriggled into girdles and other slimmers to minimize their rear ends but, as 26-year-old Montreal wedding planner Azar Jazestani comments, “It’s not so hot to have a pancake a** these days”. Tara Rachel Benson, who favours the Booty Pop brand of underwear says the panties, which contain egg-shaped foam pads to plump up the posterior, are “part of the whole outfit”. On a recent night out to an album release party in Los Angeles, Benson put on her makeup, a tight-fitting Herve Leger dress, stiletto heels – and her Booty Pop panties.”

Woodhenge: “An ancient timber structure discovered close to Stonehenge has been hailed by experts as the most exciting finding at the site in half a century. Scientists who undertook a “virtual excavation” of the area around Stonehenge discovered “Woodhenge,” a similar circular structure made from timber, less than a mile away. The 5000-year-old structure was discovered after only two weeks of a three-year survey of the landscape in southern England. Experts said it was the most exciting finding at the site in 50 years. “This finding is remarkable,” said Professor Vince Gaffney, of the University of Birmingham’s Institute of Architecture and Archaeology. “It will completely change the way we think about the landscape around Stonehenge.”

Russian-built Superjet 100 causes a buzz at airshow: “Russia’s attempts to join industry big boys Airbus and Boeing in the aircraft market were given a boost this week at the Farnborough Air Show. Russian aircraft builder Sukhoi received a breakthrough order from Indonesia’s Kartika Airlines, which ordered 30 of its Russian-built Superjet 100s on July 19. The SuperJet has important implications for the way the world travels, especially as it is selling so well in developing regions such as eastern Europe and Asia. Along with other nimble short-range jets such as those made by Embraer or Bombardier (which have also announced several significant sales at Farnborough), it is ideal for rapidly-industrializing areas where traveling between cities by road or train is either difficult or impractical, such as China and Latin America. Sukhoi also says that the jet is cheaper to fly and faster than its rivals, as well as using 10 percent less fuel per seat.” [Sukhoi certainly are brilliant military aircraft builders]

Speedy country bumpkins in Australia: “Country drivers are the biggest creeps on our roads. Results from a secret survey of 130 road sites across the state reveal how 32,000 of 33,820 drivers exceeded the speed limit in one week in a country town. Almost 15,000 of those were travelling at more than 10km/h over the legal limit. The previously unreleased findings from the Centre for Automotive Safety Research surveys reveal almost 90,000 motorists in a period of one week were recorded speeding in 110km/h zones on country roads. The figures also showed 18 sites where average vehicle speeds of hundreds of thousands of vehicles are above the legal limit”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Jewish jokes

July 22, 2010 at 2:44 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I have always liked Jewish jokes but they can be a bit risky with all the correctness police around these days. Fortunately Jews themselves are very good at telling Jewish jokes — though I gather that not everybody “gets” Jewish humor. It often has a lugubrious or tragic element to it that not everyone relates to. The following joke for instance:

“Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies” — Milton Berle

The joke of course lies in the absurdity of the statement.

I think I have put that one up before but in a slightly different version — something to do with Reuben sandwiches, I think. But I haven’t got the time to track back and find it so if anybody reading this knows other versions of that joke leave them in the “Comments” section. They will amuse me if no-one else.

Anyhow, make sure you have your pastrami on rye — or maybe sourdough if you are having a good day.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Man in dog house for writing to wife’s cat: “A man is accused of violating a protective order because he allegedly sent letters to his estranged wife’s cat. Authorities say 32-year-old Ronald Charles Dallas, of South Salt Lake, Utah, was ordered not to contact his wife, who is the alleged victim in a domestic violence case against him. Prosecutors allege Dallas mailed 11 letters from jail that were addressed to her cat Molly Judge and a neighbour, but were intended for his wife. They say the letters asked her not to testify against him. Dallas now faces 11 counts of violation of a protective order and two counts of tampering with a witness.”

Hungry woman: “An American millionaire hopes to land the love of her life by spending a record-breaking $US1488 an hour on a man-hunting vacation. Cheryl Mercuris, a 40-something divorcee and self-made millionaire, from Tampa, told the New York Post she’s splashing out $US500,000 for a two-week summer rental in the Hamptons, because: “The dating pool is much better here (The Hamptons) than in Florida.” The single mother, who made her own fortune in direct marketing, is scouring the international hunting ground for women seeking the world’s most eligible bachelors and spending her time mingling with hedge-fund managers and Wall Street lawyers in their natural lairs – celebrity-studded restaurants and glamorous events. “There are so many career-oriented people here, unlike the west coast of Florida, which is very quiet and laid-back – not great for someone who is single and raising a child,” she said.” [She'll get herself a great con-man]

Argentine jail guarded by mannequins: “Two men convicted of armed robbery escaped from a prison in southeastern Argentina that was so understaffed it used mannequins to man its watchtowers, prison authorities admitted today. “I admit we have a type of mannequin but in this sector there are cameras that enable us to observe all movements,” said Daniel Verges, the director of prisons in Neuquen province. The two inmates escaped on Saturday by climbing over a wall at Penal Unit No 11 in Neuquen. The watchtower guarding the wall was manned by a makeshift doll. “We made a doll with a ball and a cap so that prisoners would see a shadow and think they were being guarded,” the newspaper Rio Negro quoted a guard as saying. The guard said only two of the prison’s 15 watchtowers have real guards.”

Devoted maid inherits millions from boss: “A devoted Filipina maid has inherited 6 million Singapore dollars ($4 million) from her late employer after more than 20 years of service. “I am the luckiest maid in Singapore, with or without the money,” the 47-year-old single woman – identified only by the pseudonym “Christine” – told The Straits Times newspaper in an interview today. The windfall, including cash and a luxury apartment near the Orchard Road shopping belt, came from the estate of her employer Quek Kai Miew, a medical doctor and philanthropist who died last year aged 66. The maid had also taken care of the doctor’s late mother, and was told that she would be a beneficiary of her employer’s will when it was drawn up in 2008. Nearly 200,000 foreign maids, mostly from the Philippines and Indonesia, work in affluent Singapore, which has a population of 5 million.”

Swiss money too popular: “Switzerland is fighting a losing battle to stop massive inflows of funds from investors fleeing sovereign risk in the euro area and the rest of the world, raising the risk of a violent spike in Swiss franc if global debt jitters return. The Swiss National Bank (SNB) said it lost over 14bn francs (£8.8bn) in the first half of the year in a forlorn attempt to hold down the currency against the euro. “If we have a US slowdown with a fresh financial crisis, everybody is going to want to buy the Swiss franc, along with bottled water, tins hats, and a shotgun,” said David Bloom, currency chief at HSBC. “Now that Japan’s debt is around 200pc of GDP the franc has displaced the yen as the ultimate safe haven.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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