A group of 50-year-old buddies meet in their college town for a reunion, and discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Chez Snooty because the waitresses there have low-cut blouses and nice breasts.
Ten years later, at 60 years of age, the group meets again, and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Chez Snooty because the food there is very good and the wine selection is the best in town.
Ten years later at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Chez Snooty because they can eat there in peace and quiet, and the restaurant is smoke free.
Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Chez Snooty because the restaurant is wheelchair accessible, and they even have an elevator.
Ten years later, at 90 years of age, the group meets for one last reunion, and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Chez Snooty, because none of them have ever been there before.
British Prime Minister went to work on an egg — and little else: “Margaret Thatcher, who famously railed against Britain being fed a European “diet of Brussels”, made her ascent to power sustained by eggs — more than two dozen of them a week — and not much else. Documents released fom the former Prime Minister’s archive today include an Economist diary for 1979, into which is tucked a single typewritten sheet reading: “Mayo Clinic Diet.” This told her to eat eggs for breakfast every day, for lunch Monday to Friday, and often for dinner too. “Weight loss should be around 20lb in two weeks (!),” it added, warning her in capital letters not to stay on this regimen for any longer. She was, however, allowed to drink whisky “on days when no meat is eaten”. Other forms of alcohol are not mentioned, suggesting that this programme was customised for Mrs Thatcher, who had long since indulged in whisky mixed with water. In places there are annotations in her own hand, showing how she varied a monotonous diet — which also included no fewer than ten grapefruit a week — with beef, salad or cucumber soup… Christopher Collins, an historian at the Margaret Thatcher Foundation, believes that the diet was followed in the months leading up to the 1979 election.”
Australia’s cougar town: “Welcome to Cairns, the cougar capital of Queensland. Famous for its white beaches, lush rainforests and young backpacker scene, the far north party town has also become home to cougars – successful, single women aged 40 years and over who date significantly younger men. About 42 per cent of women living in Cairns, aged between 40 and 50 years, have never been married or have separated from or divorced their partner, according to recent ABS figures. Social demographer Bernard Salt said while a proportion would be living in de facto relationships, cougars were drawn to Cairns for lifestyle reasons. “Many of those would have gone through a relationship breakdown and moved to the region to heal,” Mr Salt said. “The problem is that every other single woman does the same, decreasing the odds of finding a man.” Cairns divorcee Geena Court doesn’t subscribe to the term cougar, but says younger men have less baggage. “I don’t have an age preference, as long as we have things in common, but I do find the younger ones don’t have the baggage an older man does,” the 39-year-old real estate agent said. “I have been out with a few younger men but I find I am hanging out with friends and focusing more on me.”
Harvard biologist finds man is made to run — shoeless: “It might be time to throw away those expensive designer jogging shoes and go back to basics. A study led by a Harvard University biologist and runner has found that running barefoot is better for the feet. The research, published in the journal Nature, concludes that people are born to run — without shoes. The study suggests that after two million years of running barefoot, humans may have started to develop a different gait since the creation of running shoes in the 1970s. Most runners in shoes land heavily on their heels with every stride, the researchers from Harvard, the University of Glasgow, and Moi University, Kenya, found. Barefoot runners, by contrast, generally land on the sides or the balls of their feet, and let their heels down afterwards. The study found that shod runners strike the ground with about three times the impact of barefoot running, potentially increasing the risk of stress injuries.”
Wonders will never cease. British bubbly is best: “One is revered around the world as one of the finest Champagnes and has a grand history dating back centuries. The other is a little-known relative newcomer from West Sussex. But a British vineyard was popping corks today after beating top makers such as Bollinger to be crowned the world’s best sparkling wine. Experts have hailed Nyetimber’s Classic Cuvée 2003, made in Sussex, as the best bubbly on the planet. The fizzy wine costs just £25 a bottle but beat rivals costing more than ten times as much in a blind taste test at the World Sparkling Wine Championships in Verona. It is the first time a British bubbly has won the top international honour to be officially hailed as the world’s best sparkling wine. The drink – made from Chardonnay, Pinot Noir and Pinot Meunier grapes – has ‘aromas of mandarins, vanilla and lemons’ as well as ‘shortbread and light apricot’ with ‘biscuity notes playing a supporting role’. [Whatever that means]
Brits’ growing love of lingerie: “In the naughty Noughties, British women finally swapped their comfy undies for lacy lingerie. We Britons, of course, used to be ridiculed for our pants. It was one of our stereotyped ineptitudes; like our teeth and our cuisine, our undies were usually off-colour, under-loved and overlooked. Then along came the Nineties, and with them, the Ubiquitous Thong. I threw out my entire collection of insipid pants and mildly diverting bodies, and replaced them with several yards of dental floss. With the perspective of time, it’s easy to see what a dog’s breakfast thongs were for most of us, coinciding as they did with our taste for low-slung hipsters. The sight of an inquisitive G-string emerging from a waistband, cresting a muffin top to arrive at a tramp stamp, is one of the totemic visions of the fag end of last century. Then, bam. Kylie’s bum changed the world. It was 2001. And there it was, that perfect peach of a posterior, captured by Agent Provocateur in one of its first fruity online campaigns. For the record, that viral of Minogue astride a red velvet bucking bronco, wearing woo-hoo panties and a libidinous smile, became the most successful of all time, clocking up 350 million hits on YouTube. Suddenly, hot frillies went mainstream. You simply had to be interested in them or you were a frump, a schlump, a hopeless case. Now, of course, we’re all aflame, seduced by polka-dot cami knickers and lace-trimmed cheeky-pants.”
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Members of the Jarl viking squad burn torches during the annual Up Helly Aa Festival in the Shetland Islands
“They all look the same to me”: “Caucasians and Asians don’t examine faces in the same way, according to new research. Caroline Blais, a doctoral student in psychology at the University of Montreal, has published two new studies on the subject in the research journals Current Biology and PLoS One. Previous studies have shown that people collect information by mostly studying the eyes as well as the mouth of a face. “The problem is that these studies always used Caucasian test subjects,” said Blais. Blais said she had questioned the universality of facial recognitions after studies showed that Asians study faces in an overall fashion, while Caucasians break down faces into distinct parts. Blais used a camera designed to track eye movements to study 14 Caucasian and 14 Asian participants in her research. The subjects were shown 112 Caucasian and Asian faces and asked whether had seen the face before and to name the dominating trait. The study confirmed that Caucasians study the triangle of the eyes and mouth, while Asians focus on the nose, Blais said. Caucasian and Asian subjects excelled at recognizing someone of their race, yet both had similar trouble identifying someone of another ethnic group”
Old vase worth more than British couple’s house: “An old vase dumped in a spare room by an elderly couple turned out to be worth up to $850,000, it was reported today. For many years it was used as an umbrella stand in their hallway before they decided they did not like it. It had become cracked and smeared with paint, and was finally put out of sight in a back room of their bungalow, The Sun reported. An antiques expert spotted it during a valuation of the couple’s property, and was stunned to realize it was a Chinese masterpiece. The 18th century ‘lantern’ vase was expected to raise up to 500,000 pounds at auction, more than the couple’s house was worth. In perfect condition it could have gone for twice that amount. The blue and white vase, which is 18.5 inches tall, was almost certainly made for the Emperor Qianlong in about 1740, and may even have belonged to Florence Nightingale. Guy Schwinge, of Dukes auction house in Dorchester, England, said the couple were given the vase as a present and when it was sold it would change their lives. “This vase exemplifies the best porcelain of the period … The quality of the landscape painting on the vase is outstanding,” Mr Schwinge said.”
We’ve found the G-spot, say the French: “Weeks after British scientists announced that the elusive G-spot does not exist, the French have begged to differ. A meeting of gynaecologists in Paris denounced the British study as fundamentally flawed and accused its authors of disrespecting women. Researchers at Kings College had studied 1,800 women and found no evidence of the fabled erogenous zone. They said it might be a myth encouraged by magazines and sex therapists. But their counterparts across the channel – quick to defend their nation’s reputation as better lovers – say the Brits were just unable to find the spot. Conference organiser Sylvain Mimoun declared that 60 per cent of women have a G-spot, it just needs to be discovered. He said: ‘In discovering the sensitive parts of her own body, this sensitive zone will become more and more functional. But if she has never touched it and no one else has ever touched it, it won’t exist for her as a consequence.'”
Australia’s wild North again: Fishermen defend shark from croc: ” Five fishermen have fought off a hungry crocodile to defend a prized shark caught on a Territory beach. A video of the daring battle was posted on YouTube last month by the Cape Don Barramundi Fishing Lodge. It shows one angler snagging the shark from a boat while one of his mate comments: “Here we go. Another shark is attacking him”. He wrestles with the shark for several minutes before the boat is brought ashore. As the fisho reels the shark on to the beach, the group’s guide catches it with a gaff and drags it on to the sand. But the boys soon found they had competition for their prize catch. A three-metre croc silently swam up to the shore and launched itself towards the captured shark. Before the croc managed to make a meal out of the shark, the group’s guide stepped forward and whacked him on the head. Defeated, the croc returned to the water, while the victorious fishermen cautiously posed for a photo.” [Video at link]
Cougars out for a thrill: “Pop culture created the cougar phenomenon, but are older, sexed-up women merely out to break a drought of available men? Ten brief minutes trawling CougarLife.com, the world’s foremost online cougar registry, and my kneecaps were clanging like toy cymbals in a pre-school music class. Cougar Life president Claudia Opdenkelder greeted me with a snapshot of herself in bed devouring a young Robbie Pattinson double like he was a spit-roasted rabbit basted in honey-mustard. “In this day and age a cougar can take many forms – recent divorcees looking to date, yummy mummies looking to let loose or sexy singles like me,” she said. “But we have one thing in common: we are sexually charged, independent and interested in meeting young, virile men.” They are cougar, hear them roar, in increasingly large numbers too big to ignore. But is this the fate for single women in the 21st century, forced off the shelf and rallied into ravenous packs – carnivores stalking prey from pub to club? Kathy said the cougar phenomenon – popularised on the new TV show Cougar Town – evolved more through necessity than desire. “It’s hard to find a man my age,” she said. “True story. All my girlfriends in their 30s are experiencing this. All the men my age have baggage. They’ve got wives, ex-girlfriends, kids, emotional issues. “The quality of the guys out there is really low. So many hang-ups. That’s why (we’re) looking for these younger men.”
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A model wears a top hat and basque made of chocolate at the Salon du Chocolat in Shanghai, China
Crazy British cops again: “A man told today of his disbelief at being fined for blowing his nose while his van was stopped in London. Michael Mancini wiped his nose with a handkerchief while stuck in traffic in October 2009. But when the traffic cleared, he was pulled over by police who told him he had not been in control of his vehicle. Mr Mancini, from Ayrshire in Scotland, was handed a $US97 fine and three points on his driving license. “I was stopped in traffic and had the handbrake on and thought to myself, ‘I?ve just got time to blow my nose,'” he said. “Then police pulled me over and I was booked. I genuinely thought they were joking.” Mr Mancini refused to pay the penalty. His solicitor wrote to prosecutors earlier in January explaining that Mr Mancini was in charge of the vehicle because his handbrake was on, therefore the offense did not occur. But prosecutors replied the next day warning that if the fine wasn’t paid the case would be taken to court. Mr Mancini said, “I intend on taking this all the way to court. I still don’t believe it actually happened”.
A ginger dinosaur: “Red, blue or a muddy green? The likely colour of dinosaurs has puzzled many a film-maker. Now scientists have the answer for at least one species: it was a warm shade of ginger. By studying fossilised pigments under an electron microscope, they found that the sinosauropteryx, a feathered dinosaur that lived 125 million years ago, had a russet-coloured back, with a white and ginger striped tail. It is the first time that the colour of any dinosaur has been scientifically established. “I always said to my students that there are a lot of things we can learn about dinosaurs but the two things we will never know are what noises they made and what colours they were. I was wrong,” said Mike Benton, a palaeontologist at the University of Bristol who led the study.”
Supermarket bans shopping in pyjamas: “Britain’s Tesco supermarkets has banned customers from shopping in their pyjamas. Bosses introduced a dress code which also prohibits barefoot shopping because “a minority” of customers visited a store in South Wales in their PJs, The Sun reported. Customers at the St Mellons store in Cardiff were greeted by signs warning them of the new rules. They were put up after customers complained the relaxed shopping habits of some made them feel uncomfortable. The new signs, headed Tesco Dress Code Policy, read: “To avoid causing offense or embarrassment to others, we ask that our customers are appropriately dressed when visiting our store. “Footwear must be worn at all times and no nightwear is permitted.” “We’re not a nightclub with a strict dress code, and jeans and sneakers are of course more than welcome,” a spokeswoman for Tesco said.”
Travellers back fat tax: “More than three-quarters of people believe that airlines should charge overweight passengers extra, a survey has revealed. More than 76 per cent of travellers supported the move, which would force those unable to fit comfortable into a standard airline seat to purchase a second. They would be entitled to a discounted rate on the second seat. The survey, conducted by flight experts Skyscanner, comes after Air France was accused of launching a new fee for obese fliers, reigniting the debate over whether airlines should penalise larger passengers. In April last year UK airline Ryanair announced it was considering ways to charge excess weight fees for obese fliers and more than 30,000 passengers voted in favour of such charges.”
Man tried to karate chop moving train: “A 33-year-old man has come off second best after trying to karate chop a moving train at Eagle Junction station last night. A Queensland Rail spokesperson said the man failed to jump onto the moving train about 8.10pm, injuring his head and falling back onto the platform. But police said the man tried to karate chop the train and his leg fell between the train and the platform. He was transported to hospital in a stable condition with a laceration to his leg. Police are investigating the incident.”
And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.
Wife: “You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?”
Hubby: “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.”
Wife: “You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”
Hubby: “Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, ‘what problem could be greater than this one?’”
Husband: “What are you doing?”
Husband: “Nothing? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.”
Wife: “I was looking for the expiration date.”
A wife asked her husband, “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, “I like your sense of humor.”
Boy: “When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles and lighten your burden.”
Girl: “It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.”
Boy: “Well, that’s because we aren’t married yet.”
Wife: “Do you want dinner?”
Husband: “Sure. What are my choices?”
Wife: “Yes or no.”
Argentine President prefers pork over Viagra: “Argentina’s President has recommended pork as an alternative to Viagra, saying she spent a satisfying weekend with her husband after eating barbecued pig meat. “I’ve just been told something I didn’t know; that eating pork improves your sex life,” President Cristina Fernandez said to leaders of the pig farming industry. “I’d say it’s a lot nicer to eat a bit of grilled pork than take Viagra.” She said she recently ate pork and “things went very well that weekend, so it could well be true”. Argentines are the world’s biggest per capita consumers of beef, but the government has sought to promote pork as an alternative in recent years due to rising steak prices and as a way to diversify the meat industry. “Trying it doesn’t cost anything, so let’s give it a go,” Ms Fernandez said in the televised speech.”
India: Bikini babe ban to fight sex tourism: “Bikini-clad women have been banned from advertisements as a state fights its growing image as a sex-tourism destination. The ban is part of a strategy by Goa, India, to attract tourists with “purer intentions”. Tourism operators are confident that the ban will not lead to a decline in visitors. “Tourism will not be affected if bikini clad women disappear from the posters. In fact, it may help to get good tourists,” Travel and Tours Association of Goa (TTAG), president, Ralf De Souza told the Press Trust of India. Any advertisements with scantily clad women portrayed the beach destination incorrectly, he said. The government introduced the ban to instead portray the state as a family-friendly holiday escape. “We should go for clean tourism. Government will try its level best to ensure that Goa is spared from the scar of bad tourism,” Chief Minister Digamber Kamat said. The move comes following several cases of foreign tourists being raped.”
United Airlines refuse to fly mobile phone passenger: “United Airlines refused to embark a US citizen at a Paris airport, a day after he was taken off a flight for using a mobile phone, sources close to the investigation said. A fight broke out on a the US airline’s flight to Washington on Tuesday when the 20-year-old passenger refused to stop using his phone shortly after takeoff. Four American air security agents intervened. The pilot turned the craft back to Charles de Gaulle airport where police took charge of the Colorado-born man before later releasing him.”
Victim ‘ran into knife seven times’: “A Manhattan court today heard a murder case in which it was suggested the victim thrusted himself into the stabber’s knife seven times on purpose. Prosecutors are giving credence to the bizarre-sounding “assisted suicide” defence of an ex-prisoner charged with brutally stabbing Long Island motivational speaker Jeffrey Locker – found dead and robbed in his car in East Harlem last summer. “Certain information has been discovered that tends to lend some support to that claim,” Manhattan prosecutors say in court documents, citing as among their discoveries information about Locker’s large debts, acquisition of life insurance policies and “recent computer searches concerning funeral arrangements”.
Dog drifted 20 miles out to sea on river ice and survived: “A dog was rescued from an iceberg floating 18 miles from land in the Baltic Sea. Sailors plucked the animal to safety after it got trapped on ice on Poland’s Vistula river and drifted for more than 70 miles. Rescuer Adam Buczynski said: ‘He didn’t even squeal. There was just fear in his big eyes.’ It’s thought Baltic’s problems began when he got trapped on ice on the Vistula River near Torun on Friday. A day later he was spotted in Grudziadz, 40 miles upstream, where fireman tried to reach the German shepherd-type mongrel. But thick ice made it too risky to launch a rescue craft despite Baltic floating just a few yards from the river bank. Another bid to save the stranded mutt was made at Kwidzyn, 22 miles further on towards Poland’s coast. After sightings dried up it was assumed the dog had perished. But incredibly Baltic had travelled a further 50 miles to the river mouth before heading out to the ocean where finally his luck turned when scientists on a research boat spotted something odd moving amid the broken ice. With darkness falling and time running out Baltic was finally hauled on board in sub zero temperatures late on Monday.”
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They go together hand in hand – students and pubs. But Cambridge dons will be having a blue fit after this undergraduate draped herself across a bar in a revealing bikini for a controversial student newspaper. The girl, who goes under the name Brittany and is studying social and political sciences at Homerton College, is the latest to pose for online students’ magazine The Tab.
Previous models have been pictured in a punt and wearing boxing gloves, provoking criticism that the photographs demean women. But Britanny, who had her photoshoot done at The Maypole, a popular student haunt, defended her decision, saying it showed beauty and brains could be found in the same package. ‘Cambridge used to have this preconception that you can’t be both smart and beautiful but the Tab’s kind of smashing that,’ she said. ‘It’s not like I’m naked, it’s just a bit of fun. I was worried that I’d be really nervous but it was actually really casual. No pressure.’
Brittany is studying Social and Political Sciences at Homerton College. She says she chose a pub because she wanted to appear in a traditional English setting and used a hot chocolate instead of alcohol to build up some Dutch courage….
The Tab was launched in May last year to ‘shake up’ traditional student journalism at the university in the year it celebrated its 800th anniversary. Its so-called Tab Totty has included a blonde student, Becky Adams, standing in a punt wearing a pink bikini and high heels, a brunette English graduate from Downing College called Heidi dressed in a kickboxer outfit, and ‘size 12 stunner’ Emmalina Thompsell, from Gonville and Caius, who was pictured in a bikini on her college lawn.
Courting controversy has helped it pass the one million online hits mark, compared to a print run of 20,000 for each edition of traditional student newspapers
Cambridge Student Union women’s officer Natalie Szarek has called for the editorial team to remove the photos, saying: ‘Tab Totty plays into the idea of women as sexual objects.’
But co-founder George Marangos-Gilks, 22, a third-year politics student from Downing College, said yesterday: ‘The purpose of The Tab was to get away from the patronising and dull style of other student papers. We want to give students what they want. The university declined to comment.
Original story here (More pix at link)
Kid’s TV stars face anti-terror questioning from Britain’s Keystone Kops: “Two children’s TV presenters have revealed they were held by police under anti-terrorism powers after being stopped while running around with hairdryers in London, Sky News reported today. Anna Williamson and Jamie Rickers, who front ITV1’s hit show Toonattik, were filming a sketch for the program on London’s South Bank wearing combat gear and armed with children’s walkie-talkies and glitter-covered hairdryers. Their fake fatigues aroused the suspicions of patrolling police, who stopped and questioned them. “We were filming a strand called Dork Hunters, which is to do with one of the animations we have on the show,” Williamson said. “Jamie and I were kitted out in fake utility belts. “We’ve got hairdryers in our belt, a kids’ walkie-talkie, hairbrushes and all that kind of stuff, and we were being followed by a camera crew and a boom mike and we get literally pulled over by four policemen and we were issued with a warning ‘under the act of terrorism’.” Rickers admitted the pair were simply stopped and not arrested, but police told the pair they were being held “under the Anti-Terrorism Act because you’re running around in flak jackets and a utility belt”. “I said ‘And please put spangly blue hairdryer’ and he was, like, ‘All right’.”
The world’s saddest fish: “The unfortunately named blobfish has already acquired a reputation for looking sad. And now it has good reason for its glum expression – scientists are warning over-fishing by trawlers of its south eastern Australian habitat is threatening to make it extinct. The bloated bottom dweller, which can grow up to 12 inches, lives at depths of up to 800m, so it rarely seen by humans. But thanks to increased fishing, the fish is being dragged up with other catches. Despite being unedible itself, the blobfish lives at the same depths as other more appetising ocean organisms, including crab and lobster. Deep-sea expert Professor Callum Roberts, from University of York, said the blobfish had plenty to be miserable about. Prof Roberts, author The Unnatural History of the Sea, said: ‘Blobfish are very vulnerable to being dragged up in these nets and from what we know this fish is only restricted to these waters. ‘The Australian and New Zealand deep-trawling fishing fleets are some of the most active in the world so if you are a blobfish then it is not a good place to be.”
A ghost town: “FATEHPUR SIKRI, INDIA was built by Emperor Akbar to be the most beautiful city in the world, it was widely thought this goal was achieved – until people realized the city lacked access to water. It was abandoned as the capital of the Mughal Empire after just 10 years and is today a perfectly preserved 16th-century town.”
Wrecked car sold for $400,000: “Would you pay more than $400,000 for a wreck? That’s what happened at the Bonhams Retromobile auction in Paris, where this rare 1920s Bugatti Brescia sports car sold for €260,500 ($400,000), which is almost €90,000 higher than the uppermost pre-auction estimate. The corroded classic was salvaged from the depths of Lake Maggiore in northern Italy. Although about 20 per cent of the car’s parts are reusable, the new owner plans to display the roadster in its current condition. The 1925 Brescia Type 22 Roadster, a 1.5-litre 4-cylinder sports car, was first registered in France in 1925. British automotive website Autocar says the car was then unofficially imported to Switzerland, but the Swiss government demanded the owner pay import duty. The Bugatti was then dumped into the lake by Swiss Customs in 1936. ”The officials were left with a quandary,” Bonhams Auction House spokesman James Knight said. ”They came up with a neat solution.” The wreck was submerged 53 metres under water and was partially preserved thanks to being caked in mud on the lake floor. It was salvaged by members of a diving club in Ascona in July last year”.
Dangerous bottles of water: “A ‘suspicious’ liquid detected in the bags of a man who had flown from Dubai has turned out to be four bottles of water, the Australian Federal Police say. The discovery of the water sparked the partial evacuation of a terminal at Perth Airport on Monday morning, causing major disruptions for passengers. The liquid was detected when the man’s checked luggage was rescreened as he changed from his Emirates international flight in Perth to a domestic aircraft bound for Sydney. “Something was picked up by jet-bag screening, and as a precautionary measure, there was a partial evacuation of the terminal – basically, the area was cordoned off,” an AFP spokesman said. The bag was removed to a secure area for further analysis by security officials. “AFP attended the scene, supported by Western Australia Police and Fire and Emergency Services. Analysis was conducted on four bottles of a liquid within the bag,” police said in a later statement. “Preliminary testing indicated the liquid was not explosive. As a precaution, the baggage was moved to a safe location away from the terminal.” The man, whose identity has not been released by authorities, was met at Sydney Airport by AFP officers and quizzed about the liquid in his baggage. “The passenger was co-operative and assisted the AFP with their inquiries into the contents of the bag held at Perth Airport, police said. No charges have been laid.”
And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.
USERS of networking site Facebook are sitting ducks for internet criminals looking to steal their identities. In research commissioned by The Daily Telegraph, which has shocked even top fraud squad police, almost half of users in their 20s agreed to a request from a rubber duck to be Facebook “friends”. A similar result occurred with a group of internet users in their 50s, with many agreeing to be Facebook friends with a photo of two cats.
Many of the Facebook users in both age groups volunteered some of their most intimate details to both the rubber duck and the cats, including their full date of birth, workplace, email address and location. Some even volunteered full addresses and phone numbers without prompting.
The study was conducted by leading internet security firm Sophos. It has raised serious questions about the wisdom of average internet users, given the friend requests were sent without any introduction.
One of the world’s top experts on cyber-crime, Superintendent Brian Hay of the Queensland Fraud Squad, said the results were “frightening”. “Some people have surrendered almost all the information a criminal needs as the foundation to represent those people and take out financial instruments in their name,” he said. “It shows scammers don’t have to work very hard to find their victims.”
The rubber duck posed under the bogus name Daisy Feletin, an anagram of “False Identity”. Sophos asked 100 Facebook users in their 20s to be the duck’s friend. More than 46 per cent who were sent requests agreed to be friends with Daisy within two weeks. Of those who accepted Daisy as a friend, 98 per cent gave either a full or partial date of birth to the duck. All provided a full email address. Most alarmingly, 4 per cent even gave their full address and 7 per cent gave phone numbers. Other details given included photographs, the names of spouses/siblings/relatives/friends, job and education histories and social interests.
Even those in their 50s gave out far too much information to the cats dubbed Dinette Stonily (anagram of Stolen Identity). Of the 41 per cent who accepted “friend” requests in the Sophos study, 92 per cent gave a full or partial date of birth, 88 per cent gave an email address and 22 per cent gave a place of work or study. Older people were also more willing than younger people to give out their full address and phone information – 22 per cent provided a personal phone number.
Sophos boss Paul Ducklin said Facebook users were also compromising family and friends: “People should assume that you can never permanently remove details.” Mr Ducklin said he was surprised people were so ready to volunteer such information with so little prompting from an anonymous toy. “It’s clearly not a person. Why would you trust a toy from a $2 shop?” he said.
Supt Hay said protecting identity was more imperative than ever, with the harvesting of personal information the starting point for serious crimes such as mortgage fraud. “We know criminals are out there targeting Facebook. Throw into the mix that people are giving away too much about themselves and you’ve got a real problem,” he said. “The risk that people are prepared to endure for social interaction could potentially spoil lives. “If your identity is stolen, you have to continually prove yourself. The stress can break up marriages and lead to serious health problems.”
Original story here
A whisky on Burns Night? How about a wee dram of Taiwanese?: “A palpable sense of astonishment has overtaken a small but convivial crowd of whisky enthusiasts, assembled in Leith’s historic Vintners Rooms. In fact, not since 2007, when the Taipei First Girls’ Senior High School marching band made its jaw-dropping entrance to the Edinburgh Military Tattoo, has such a sense of profound shock overwhelmed a select Scottish gathering. “Oh. My. God,” breathes Charles MacLean, author and whisky connoisseur, from behind his impressive moustache. “Is this an April fool?” Fellow panellists register the same amazement. Whispers of “unbelievable”, “incredible” and “oh no” reverberate around a bar which for more than 250 years housed a Scotch whisky warehouse. This was the weekend finale of an exclusive blind tasting, and against all odds a selection of three-year-old Scotch whiskies have been beaten by a rank outsider, distilled not in Scotland, Ireland, nor even England. But in Taiwan. The whisky in question is called Kavalan and in this test, designed to celebrate Burns Night, the Far Eastern incomer had beaten off the challenge of four whiskies from Britain, to confound the aficionados of Scotch. Of course, that is what happens to the best-laid schemes — they gang aft agley, as Burns put it.”
British author calls for euthanasia booths on street corners: “The novelist Martin Amis has called for euthanasia booths on street corners, where elderly people can end their lives with “a martini and a medal”. The author of Time’s Arrow and London Fields even predicts a Britain torn by internal strife in the 2020s if the demographic timebomb of the ageing population is not tackled head-on. “How is society going to support this silver tsunami?” he asks in an interview in The Sunday Times Magazine today. “There’ll be a population of demented very old people, like an invasion of terrible immigrants, stinking out the restaurants and cafes and shops. I can imagine a sort of civil war between the old and the young in 10 or 15 years’ time.” Amis, himself 60 and a grandfather, added: “There should be a booth on every corner where you could get a martini and a medal.”
Truck driver superglued cellphone to his ear: “A truck driver who broke his mobile phone’s bluetooth headset repaired it with superglue – but his boss called before it dried and it stuck to his ear… “I hit my ear on the boom of my truck and broke the headset of my phone,” Mr Gardner told the Northern Territory News. “So I got some superglue and glued it back together – and that was … when my boss rang.” The truck driver said he usually had the phone’s headset in his ear most of the day. “I guess I didn’t think much of it when I put it back into my ear to talk to the boss. “I drove from Casuarina to Rapid Creek when I realised I had done something kinda stupid.” After having the headset in his ear for more than five minutes the adhesive had hardened – and Mr Gardner found himself with a earpiece glued into his ear. The 43-year-old said he scraped the earpiece out of his ear with a spoon but several pieces of skin were still stuck to the headphones. “Yes, it did hurt – but I guess I did hurt my pride much more than it did hurt my ear.”
Crash plane flew the wrong way, Lebanese minister says: “An Ethiopian airliner that crashed into the sea off Lebanon yesterday failed to follow instructions from a flight control tower for unknown reasons. “A command tower recording shows the tower told the pilot to turn to avoid the storm, but the plane went in the opposite direction,” Lebanese Defence Minister Elias Murr said. “We do not know what happened or whether it was beyond the pilot’s control.” Ethiopian Airlines Flight 409 lost contact with Beirut airport shortly after takeoff at 2.37am (local time) and crashed into the Mediterranean 2.5 nautical miles from the town of Naameh, south of the airport, in stormy weather” [The instructions from the tower would have been in English, which is the international language of aviation, and it is not unknown for pilots from poorer countries to have little understanding of English]
Polish man found still alive in coffin: “As the lid of his coffin was about to be sealed, Josef Guzy’s grieving widow made one last request for her late husband’s necklace. The 76-year-old Polish beekeeper had collapsed earlier in the day and been pronounced dead at the scene by a doctor. When the undertaker reached into the coffin for the last time, he thought that he detected a faint pulse. On closer inspection, Mr Guzy was still breathing. The same ambulance that had been called to the pensioner’s home near the southern city of Katowice and found no sign of life now raced to the undertakers to discover that their patient was still alive. The doctor who had issued the death certificate applied an electrocardiac monitor that recorded a pulse of 20 to 30 beats a minute — around a third of normal strength. Mr Guzy was rushed into intensive care, and after weeks of recovery he is back home to tend his bees. Darius Wysluchato, the funeral director and former miner who learnt first aid for his old job, described how he found the faint pulse and signs of breath from the corpse that he earlier placed in the coffin with an assistant. “I happened to touch the artery in the neck and was totally shocked. I checked it again and shouted, ‘There is a pulse.’ My assistant checked as well. I leant in close and I could tell that he was still breathing. My God, it was a miracle.”
And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.
The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.
‘No way! No needles. I hate needles’ the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.
‘I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!’
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. ‘No objection,’ the patient says. ‘I’m fine with pills.’
The dentist then returns and says, ‘Here’s a Viagra tablet.’
The patient says, ‘Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!’
‘It doesn’t’ said the dentist, ‘but it’s going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.
Assets on display
Christina Hendricks poses for photographers at the 16th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards. Pity about the hair
Our brains can’t handle all our Facebook friends: “We may be able to amass 5,000 friends on Facebook but humans’ brains are capable of managing a maximum of only 150 friendships, a study has found. Robin Dunbar, professor of Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University, has conducted research revealing that while social networking sites allow us to maintain more relationships, the number of meaningful friendships is the same as it has been throughout history. Dunbar developed a theory known as “Dunbar’s number” in the 1990s which claimed that the size of our neocortex — the part of the brain used for conscious thought and language — limits us to managing social circles of around 150 friends, no matter how sociable we are. These are relationships in which a person knows how each friend relates to every other friend. They are people you care about and contact at least once a year. Dunbar derived the limit from studying social groupings in a variety of societies — from neolithic villages to modern office environments.”
Caped hero saves woman from spiked drink: “A British woman who collapsed after her drink was spiked was rescued by a real-life Superman. Elizabeth Caulwell, 26, was out with her sister and friends in a bar when her drink was spiked, causing her to collapse, The Sun reports. She was carried safely to an ambulance by a mystery hero who then vanished, leaving her wrapped in his red cape, the only clue to his identity. After recovering from partial paralysis in the hospital, Caulwell tracked down her Superman using the local paper in her hometown of Wigan, England. Modest hero Paul Longmire came forward. He was out with pals in a costume borrowed from a friend when he saw her collapse. Longmire, 23, said, “We saw Elizabeth stumble and go down face first. “I tried supporting her, but her legs kept giving way so I just picked her up and carried her outside before the ambulance came. She was shivering so I wrapped my cape around her then left. “It wasn’t heroic. I just helped someone,” he said. Caulwell said doctors suspected someone tampered with her drink. “I’d drunk three drinks when I collapsed. I woke hours later in hospital. Doctors were certain I’d been spiked, probably with Rohypnol or maybe GHB.”
“Dr Who” fans save a Tardis: “Doctor Who fans have saved a real-life Tardis from destruction by winning a government grant to rebuild it. The famous blue police box — identical to the one adopted by Dr Who as his personal transport — is a listed building and has stood in Somerton, Newport, South Wales, for 75 years. But it was losing its own fight against time and was falling apart. Now the Welsh Assembly Government has stepped in to throw the Newport Tardis a lifeline with a £10,500 community grant, which will be used to restore the fenced-off police box to its original condition. Devotee Deborah Clark, said: “Dr Who fans are ecstatic we have managed to save the Tardis from dematerialising for ever. “We want David Tennant to reopen the phone box when its restoration is complete. “He was a lot of people’s favourite Dr Who.””
Show-off teenager pays with his life: “A 14-year-old boy has drowned at Old Beach in southern Tasmania after a bike trick off a jetty went tragically wrong. One of the boy’s friends called 000 at 5.57pm yesterday after the boy went missing after he rode his BMX off a ramp which the boy and two other 14-year-olds had built on the public jetty. It is understood the boy tied a rope to his bike and then to himself to pull his bike from the water after the jump. Boats, police divers, land-based Search and Rescue crews and the Westpac Rescue Helicopter began searching just after 6pm and the boy’s body was found in the River Derwent at 7.10pm…. A sign at the jetty advised no swimming, diving or jumping, but it was in poor condition, he said. “The current going past this jetty is extremely fast,” he said. “Locals, who know about the strong current, have asked authorities to build a breakwater and if there was a breakwater this probably wouldn’t have happened. “It seems the boy’s bike has got caught up at the bottom and the current has just pulled him in and he couldn’t swim to the surface.”
Combat Barbie (above) on a new mission: “She was decorated for her bravery in Iraq and fought for her country in the Miss World contest – now ‘Combat Barbie’ is on a new mission to help her Army comrades find love. Lance Corporal Katrina Hodge, also known as Miss England, has been given the Ministry of Defence’s blessing to act as a paid ambassador for the lonely hearts website Uniform Dating, which specifically aims to help military personnel find love. Katrina, 22, from Tunbridge Wells, Kent, said: ‘Since becoming Miss England I’ve been inundated with requests from companies wanting me to represent them or promote their products. ‘This internet site really got my attention because it’s so close to my heart. I know from experience just how hard it is for servicemen and women to find partners, or even make true long-term friendships outside the job. ‘It really helps the troops’ morale to be able to communicate with friends and set up dates for when they are home on leave. It’s not just the guys on tour that need support – it’s us girls too! ‘But the good thing is that it’s for anyone in uniform, be it soldiers, nurses, paramedics or the police.”
And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.
This is an old one but there are some new listings in it so I am putting it up again
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability. It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
And in the southern hemisphere…
New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!” [There are more sheep than people in New Zealand]. Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “I hope Australia will come and rescue us”.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, mate”. Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!’, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Forged art on display at British museum: “A multimillion-pound collection of forged artwork seized by police will go on display for the first time today. More than 100 fakes, from Lowry and Banksy paintings to Barbara Hepworth sculptures, form part of an exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum. The garden-shed workshop of one of the most diverse art fakers in British history, Shaun Greenhalgh, has also been re-created. The master forger was jailed for four years and eight months in 2007 after police discovered an astonishing array of work at his home in Bolton. Greenhalgh turned out artefacts, from Ancient Egyptian statues to Lowry pastels, Roman silver tableware and a “lost” Barbara Hepworth duck sculpture. Detective Sergeant Vernon Rapley, who leads the Met’s art and antiques unit, said that art fakery remained a thriving business, with criminals imitating modern artists including Banksy and Tracey Emin. Officers suspect that organised crime gangs are becoming involved in selling fake art as a way to finance activities, with most forgers creating works worth less than £10,000 as they will attract less attention and may not be checked thoroughly.”
China eager to get Australia’s toads: “First it was coal, then gas, and now China wants another natural resource … cane toads. Charleville meat processor John Burey is hoping the cane toad’s medicinal qualities will help him secure a huge export deal when he travels to Beijing for trade talks next month. “At this stage, it would seem the demand for our cane toads is quite substantial,” he said. The Chinese have used toad poison as an expectorant, heart stimulant and as a diuretic. It has also been used as a remedy for toothache and sinusitis. Mr Burey said cane toad meat was also popular. “The skin, organs and gut are also used for traditional medicines,” he said. It could help rid the state of a population believed to have exceeded more than 200 million since its infamous introduction to control the sugar cane beetle in 1935.”
Landlord shuts restaurant because he didn’t like his meal: “He could have just refused to leave a tip. Or had a quiet word with the management. But when one wealthy diner was so offended by the food and prices at a restaurant in London’s exclusive Sloane Square, he decided to exercise his powers as its landlord – and force it to close. The Oriel brasserie, which has been a local landmark in West London for a quarter of a century, is set to shut down next month after landlord Cadogan Estates decided not to renew its lease. The Oriel in Sloane Square will shut down next month after the landlord Earl Cadogan refused to renew its lease. Earl Cadogan, 72, who heads the company and whose family is ranked 14th in the Sunday Times Rich List with an estimated fortune of £2 billion, decided he no longer cared for the food produced by the establishment after dining there. Speaking in May 2008, he said: ‘I didn’t like the food and the prices are far too high.”
The myth of the Sony ‘kill switch’: “In Japan, a surprising number of consumers really do claim to believe that Sony products are programmed to break as soon as the warranty expires. For nearly 20 years Sony in Japan has been plagued by the myth of the “Sony Timer” – but is there really a kill-switch that destroys your device just after its warranty runs out? Many Japanese genuinely believe that there is. It was the recall of more than 4.1 million Dell laptops containing faulty Sony batteries in 2006 that jump-started a rumour that has been around for decades. From 1980 to 2006 geeks and tech-obsessed Japanese had joked about the existence of the timer, creating sarcastic manga and venting anger through online forums. But the Dell recall launched the urban legend into the public eye and angry Sony sufferers jumped at the chance to denounce the company. The mass spontaneous combustion of those batteries damaged Sony’s reputation in Japan enormously. For a nation proud of their technological innovations, burning laptops and the biggest product recall in history were not exactly easy to deal with. Since then rumours have continued to fly across the internet about the existence of the timers. Sony itself is well aware of the urban legend – its current Vice Chairman Ryoji Chubachi mentioned it in public back in 2007.”
Romanian prostitutes flee to Western EU to escape tough laws at home: “Hooked on heroin and with a small child to support, Ana-Marie decided to sell the only asset she had. She became part of an exodus of desperate women from Romania that led the country to be named this week as Europe’s main exporter of prostitutes. A survey by Tempep, an EU-funded network of sex industry health agencies, found that one in eight foreign prostitutes in Europe was Romanian, replacing Russians as the main nationality since the previous assessment in 2006….. The newspaper called for a fresh debate on calls for prostitution to be legalised, in line with a proposal by a presidential commission four months ago. That was blocked by an alliance of civic and religious groups including the powerful Romanian Orthodox Church. The result of Europe’s strictest anti-prostitution laws, according to sex workers, is that prostitutes are regularly sent to prison while their clients are hardly punished.”
And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.
THE 10 most commonly used passwords on the web have been revealed as part of an analysis of tens of millions of internet accounts. Imperva, a data security firm, said it had analysed around 32 million passwords that had been exposed in a recent hack of the RockYou website.
In December last year, a hacker breached the site’s company database and gained access to the unencrypted usernames and passwords of all its 32 million users. After studying the security breach, Imperva has come up with a list of the most commonly used passwords.
“Everyone needs to understand what the combination of poor passwords means in today’s world of automated cyber attacks: with only minimal effort, a hacker can gain access to one new account every second,” said Amichai Shulman, Imperva’s chief technical officer. “Employees using the same passwords on Facebook that they use in the workplace bring the possibility of compromising enterprise systems.”
The top 10 most common passwords
7. rockyou *
* Note: this list was sourced from the RockYou website.
Original story here
Woman told to stop loud sex or face jail: “A British woman whose noisy sex sessions were officially branded anti-social behavior was warned today she would face jail, if she fails to stop the excessively loud lovemaking. Caroline Cartwright, 48, was given an eight-week prison term suspended for 12 months, meaning if she engages in over-noisy coupling again in the next year she will immediately be put behind bars. “I’ve heard a very short extract of the noise you make and can well see that your neighbours would be upset and distressed by this,” said judge Beatrice Bolton at Newcastle Crown Court in northeast England. Cartwright was served with a civil order over marathon romps with husband Steve, described in court as unnatural and “like they are both in considerable pain.” Neighbors at their home in Washington, south of Newcastle, had complained about the noise, as did passers-by and the postman. Cartwright was served with an anti-social behaviour order, but admitted at a previous hearing to having violated it almost immediately, and repeatedly, last April.”
Couples’ sex survey results just revealed: “What do married women in their 30s want? More sex but they don’t think they’re going to get it. So, instead they are hoping for more interesting sex and if they can’t get that they’ll just go out with their friends. These are the findings to emerge from a survey on the sex lives of married and de facto couples. About 85 per cent of women in their 30s said they wanted more sex compared to 75 per cent of men in that age group. They want a return to their 20s – 60 per cent of women that age said they were having sex at least every second day compared to 31 per cent of women in their 30s. When asked what it would be if they could change one thing about their sex life, more than half of women wished for more interesting sex compared to 15 per cent who said more sex. Of men in their 30s, 21 per cent said more sex. Twenty-one per cent of all women said “longer-lasting sex”. Only seven per cent of men gave this response. The other evidence that women have given up on getting more action emerged when asked about what they would prefer to do given the choice between going to the movies, going out with friends, sleeping, eating, drinking or having sex. Thirty-one per cent of women in their 30s would rather go out with friends. Only 10 per cent of men in that bracket gave that answer.”
Tomb of a Saxon Queen: “The crumbling remains of Alfred the Great’s granddaughter – a Saxon princess who married one of the most powerful men in Europe – have been unearthed more than 1,000 years after her death. The almost intact bones of Queen Eadgyth – the early English form of Edith – were discovered wrapped in silk, inside a lead coffin in a German cathedral. Eadgyth – one of the oldest members of the English royal family – was given in marriage to the influential Holy Roman Emperor Otto I and lived in Germany until her death in 946AD, aged 36. Yesterday, British archaeologists involved in the find hailed it as ‘one of the most exciting historical discoveries in recent years’. The bones have now been brought back to Eadgyth’s native Wessex for scientific tests to fully confirm her identity. Her grandfather Alfred the Great was the first monarch to style himself King of the Anglo Saxons, while her step-brother Athelstan was the first King of the English. Her bones were unearthed at Madgeburg Cathedral in Germany. The preliminary findings will be announced at a conference at the University of Bristol today. Professor Mark Horton of the Department of Archaeology and Anthropology at Bristol said it was ‘very likely’ to be the Queen.” Eadgyth was aged 19 when she was sent to Germany with her sister Adiva in an attempt to build political bridges.”
Woman kills boyfriend by sitting on him: “A woman weighing 136kg has pleaded guilty to killing her much smaller boyfriend – by sitting on him. Police in Cleveland said Mia Landingham and Mikal Middleston-Bey, who have three children together, got into an argument in August. During the altercation Landingham sat on Middleston-Bey, who weighed 54.4kg. Landingham was sentenced to three years probation and 100 hours community service on Wednesday after pleading guilty to involuntary manslaughter, Fox8 reported. She was immediately released from jail. Her attorney told said there was a long history of domestic abuse in the relationship. He asked Judge Carolyn Friedland for leniency and pointed out she has no prior criminal record. Landingham she was sorry for squashing the father of her children.”
‘Dumb blondes’ stereotype means lower starting pay: “The “dumb blonde” stereotype is alive and well in workplaces, with young blonde women being paid less than their non-blonde counterparts when it comes to starter salaries. Dr Geni Dechter, an Australian economics lecturer, has researched the role of hair colour and the effect physical appearance has on earnings, while she was working at Rochester University in the US. She found hair colour had a significant impact on entry wages for young women, but not young men. The wage gap between blonde and non-blonde employees was higher the more educated the employees – with a 9 per cent difference in wages between blonde and non-blondes with higher education. The wage difference though disappears with work experience, with wages of lower educated blonde women growing faster than those of their non-blonde counterparts. “While hair colour does not have any effect on educational achievement or cognitive ability, college educated blonde women tend to enter the job market with significantly lower wages than their brunette counterparts, but this wage difference disappears with job market experience and disappears completely after five years in the work force,” the research found.”
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In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played: it doesn’t do any good to complain about the rules
You make the bed (+1)
But forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the snow (+8)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (1)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+10)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10 more)
It’s her toy poodle (-50)
Social Engagements At a Party
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-5)
Who’s now a dancer (-10)
She spends the entire time telling you about her new implants (-15)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+5)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s called DeathCop 9 (-3)
Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-80)
Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+50)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)
The Big Question: She asks, “Do I look fat?”
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
You reply, “Compared to what?” (-50)
Any other response (-20)
Score: For every 100 points earned, you get to have sex with her. During that act…
You perform foreplay (0)
You have the houseboy do the foreplay (5)
She has an orgasm (0)
It’s over when you have an orgasm (-500)
You unfold a Playboy centerfold over her face (-5 million — you will never have sex again)
Fake hooker arrests fake cop: “A 51-year-OLD man was imprisoned after being accused of breaking up a prostitution sting by impersonating a police officer. Investigators say that around 5:00pm on Wednesday, the man pulled up to a female detective in Detroit. At the time the detective, who was posing as a prostitute, was talking with another man. The suspect, yelled at the detective to “get off the street.” Officers say this is when he flashed a badge. The other man sped off, and officers say the suspect began following the detective ranting that he was a cop. When the detective revealed she was a police officer, the man took off. He was arrested a short time later by the nearby arrest team.”
“Dangerous” Jewish headgear: “An Orthodox Jew’s prayer rituals, including wearing a sacred box on his head, triggered a bomb scare on Thursday aboard a US passenger plane, a security source said. The Chautauqua Airlines jet bound from New York to Louisville, Kentucky, diverted to Philadelphia International Airport after what authorities described as a security incident. “It appears that it was a misunderstanding with a religious passenger wearing a religious item and praying loudly,” the source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said. “The flight crew deemed, I guess, his actions and his item he was using to be suspicious and diverted the airplane,” the security source said. Greg Soule, spokesman for the Transportation Security Administration, said that a “disruptive passenger” caused the incident. The passenger was questioned by law enforcement officers on the ground and the plane was searched with “negative findings,” Soule said.” [Sheesh! Doesn't everybody know that Jews wear funny hats? A lot of people were needlessly inconvenienced]
Early morning baker springs safebreaker: “A baker on a smoke break has helped catch a would-be robber trying to drill into a bank safe. The baker was having a smoke around 3.30am this morning when he heard drilling sounds coming from a nearby financial services company in Melbourne’s western suburbs. He called police, who found a hole in the building’s roof along Hampshire Road in Sunshine where a man had dropped down and was drilling through a safe inside. A 33-year-old Melton man was arrested at the scene but no charges have been laid at this time.”
British airforce to return to propeller aircraft? “The RAF is under pressure to cut its multibillion-pound orders for fast jets in favour of cheaper propeller aircraft as part of a review of defence spending. General Richards, Chief of the General Staff, believes that the Super Tucano offers a cost-effective alternative to fast jets such as the Cold War-era Eurofighter Typhoon in counter-insurgency operations such as those in Afghanistan. Resembling something from the Second World War, a Super Tucano costs about £5 million, a fraction of the £60 million estimated cost of the F35 Joint Strike Fighter ordered for the Royal Navy’s new aircraft carriers or the £67 million of a Typhoon. General Richards has argued that state-on-state confrontations will be largely replaced by counter-insurgency operations in the future, making huge savings possible if the Government is prepared to sacrifice ships and tanks for lighter and cheaper but technically advanced matériel. Air analysts argue that the Tucano offers a cost-effective platform to which high-tech equipment and munitions can be attached. The Brazilian two-seater Tucano can fly from airstrips and loiter for six and a half hours over the battlefield without refuelling”
British soldier wins top French military award: “For as long as he can remember, Alex Rowe wanted to be a soldier. But when an eye condition prevented him from joining the British Army at the age of 18, he had to look elsewhere to fulfil his ambition. So he became a member of the French Foreign Legion – and after 23 years of courageous service is about to be awarded that country’s highest award for valour. The 43-year- old adjutant-chef had fought in some of the world’s most hostile war zones before being sent to Afghanistan. There he was involved in some of the fiercest fighting against the Taliban in the mountains east of Kabul, and in July he will be honoured with the Legion d’honneur – his fifth medal for bravery. Mr Rowe, whose identical twin brother Mark is a captain with the Royal Engineers, was born on Armistice Day in 1966 and joined the cadets as a teenager. But a detached retina he suffered as a child barred him from serving in the Army. When he left for the French Foreign Legion he quickly rose through the ranks to become the best in his unit – despite not speaking a word of French. The soldier, who now lives in Nimes in the South of France, was awarded one medal in Sarajevo, Bosnia, for shielding a mother and daughter from a hail of bullets. He rose to the rank of adjutant-chef – a senior non-commissioned officer – but he cannot become an officer as he is not French.”
And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.