An unusual “lost cat” sign

August 31, 2009 at 3:31 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

(H/T Interested Participant)

THE NEWS

Return of the concubine in China: “Mao Tse-tung tried to stamp the custom out as a relic of feudalism, but the return of capitalism to China has also meant a major comeback for the concubine. And for the long-suffering Chinese public, the compulsion of rich businessmen and jumped-up party officials to prove their wealth and power by the number and gorgeousness of their mistresses is a major factor in the growth of corruption. The angry gossip online is that behind every corrupt official there is a scheming mistress. “China’s future will be undermined in those corrupt officials’ hands,” wrote one outraged citizen. Another described the corrupt cadres who keep concubines as “absolutely superfluous, vampires, corrupt scum. They deserve to be killed”. Last month, a former chairman of the oil giant Sinopec, Chen Tonghai, was convicted of pocketing 196 million yuan (£17m) in bribes. But what angered Chinese the most was the way he had helped his mistress, Li Wei, to build up her property firm using his business connections. He was given a suspended death sentence”.

Dutch museum duped by ‘moon rock’: “It’s not green cheese, but it might as well be. The Dutch national museum said on Thursday that one of its prized possessions, a rock supposedly brought back from the moon by US astronauts, is just a piece of petrified wood. Rijksmuseum spokeswoman Xandra van Gelder, who oversaw the investigation that proved the piece was a fake, said the museum will keep it anyway as a curiosity. The museum acquired the rock after the death of former prime minister Willem Dreesman in 1988. Dreesman received it as a private gift on October 9, 1969 from then-US ambassador J. William Middendorf during a visit by the three Apollo 11 astronauts, part of their “Giant Leap” goodwill tour after the first moon landing. Middendorf, who lives in Rhode Island, told Dutch NOS news that he had gotten it from the US State Department, but couldn’t recall the exact details… It was on show in 2006 and a space expert informed the museum it was unlikely NASA would have given away any moon rocks three months after Apollo returned to Earth. Researchers from Amsterdam’s Free University said they could see at a glance the rock was not from the moon.”

Australian cat can swear: “A man claims his pet cat is a bit too brainy for his own good and can speak English – a total of seven different words so far, including the F-word. Robert ‘RJ’ Duncan, of Palmerston, in the Northern Territory says his budgie Picininny can also speak. But when the Northern Territory News first visited the ex-boxer, 34, and his wife Sandra, 32, at their home, the house-bound moggie grumpily declined to comment. Instead he scratched Mr Duncan a few times before bolting to his bedroom and barricading himself in his cupboard. But during a second visit, Mischief was much friendlier. And more talkative. All gathered heard him speak to Sandra, calling her “mum”. Mr Duncan said the two-year-old cat – which he and his wife adopted from his feral mother in Katherine – was most vocal at night. “He starts mouthing off when he wants his food – when we start cooking,” he said”.

Stolen crocs turn up in Australia’s wild North: A stolen crocodile escaped its kidnappers and turned up in a Bees Creek back yard. “We woke up yesterday morning and the dogs were barking and made a hell of a noise,” Corey Johnson of McAulay Rd in Bees Creek told the Northern Territory News last night. “When I went to the backyard door I saw a croc sitting on our patio. “I believe it was 2 1/2 foot long and we have no idea where it came from and what it was doing in our back yard – we don’t even have a pool or any water close by where it could have felt like being at home. “I yelled a few ‘crikeys’ and grabbed it and put it in a large container, before ringing a croc catcher to pick it up.” Parks and Wildlife crocodile management ranger Tom Nichols said he was surprised to find the crocodile was marked. “It was the second crocodile to show up in the same area within two days – and both had scute marks on their tails, which is usually a permanent identification mark wildlife parks use,” he said. “We will have to inquire where the crocodiles belong.” In April, 18 baby salties were stolen from their pens at Crocodylus Park.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Creatures from a tropical coral reef?

August 30, 2009 at 2:32 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

No. Creatures found in the chilly waters off Norfolk in England

Original story here

THE NEWS

Ex-policeman in Siberia worshipped as reborn Jesus Christ: “An ex-traffic policeman in Siberia claims he is the second coming of Jesus Christ – and has at least 5,000 devoted followers who believe him. Sergei Torop, 48, has the beard, long hair, flowing robes and beatific smile that make him look like a holy man in the small isolated village of Petropavlovka – more than 3200 kilometres from Moscow. After spending time in the army, he worked as a traffic policeman in a small siberian town before he lost his job and, he says, something awoke inside him and he was suddenly reborn as the reincarnated Christian messiah.”

Florida police catch 76 fugitives with bogus cash offer: “Police used the promise of economic stimulus cash to lure 76 people to their arrest on outstanding warrants ranging from theft to murder last week. The Fort Lauderdale Police Department in Florida, US, set up “Operation Show Me the Money” and mailed letters asking the suspects to make appointments to claim their money. When they showed up and presented identification, they were led to another area where police were waiting to arrest them. “These are individuals who were running away from the law, but they came to us freely,” said Sgt. Frank Sousa, a police spokesman. “They were coming for one reason only: money.” “We’re always looking for creative ways to reduce crime, and this is one of the most creative operations I’ve seen,” Sousa said.”

Wife on murder trial after penis-burn: “A jealous wife who allegedly set her husband’s penis on fire will answer a murder charge in October. Rajini Narayan appeared briefly in the Adelaide Magistrates Court today, charged with the murder of her husband. The mother of three allegedly set fire to the genitals of her husband, Satish Narayan, in December last year. Mr Narayan suffered major burns in the blaze and died several weeks later. The fire also gutted the family’s suburban Unley home leaving a damage bill of $1 million. A previous court hearing in January heard Ms Narayan had told neighbours: “I’m a jealous wife, his penis should belong to me, I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else … I didn’t mean this to happen.” The case against Ms Narayan, 44, was adjourned until October 30, when she will answer charges of murder, arson and endangering life.”

Murder suspects steal car decked with cameras, owned by police: “It’s the kind of video you see on cop shows – but this one was filmed right on the streets of New Orleans in a police undercover auto theft operation. The driver has no idea. The car they just stole is controlled by the police. “We believe that he actually passed the gun to the other person. They were en route to commit another violent crime with the weapon you saw them both wore. Both had the weapons in their laps,” said NOPD Assistant Superintendent Marlon Defillo. Murder suspect Deloyd Jones and attempted murder suspect Byron Jones are just riding when the car’s kill switch is activated. Confused, the thieves don’t understand why the car is stopping, not knowing the auto theft unit is right behind them. Minutes later the police officers go in for the arrest. NOPD Superintendent Warren Riley said these suspects will have an impossible time getting out of these charges. “At the time of being involved with the stolen vehicle, (Deloyd Jones) had an arrest warrant out for an attempted murder,” Riley said. Riley said Deloyd Jones was the gunman in a Monday shooting in the Fifth District. Riley said it’s this kind of operation they’ve managed to do during the city-funded, 12-hour officer shifts.”

Women with more male hormones have a higher sex drive: “So is a successful and driven career woman more likely to have a high sex drive than her lesser-achieving sisters? That was the conclusion drawn from research published this week which showed that women with high levels of testosterone are more likely to be risk-takers – and to have stronger sexual appetites. It’s just the latest piece in the jigsaw of the female libido, an enigma that now feeds a multi-million pound industry, with battalions of ‘sexperts’ racing to uncover the magic formula that will deliver the gift of better sex for all…. some women, just like some men, do seem to have a naturally higher sex drive than others. The research just published in the U.S. would seem to back that up, showing that this may well be linked to hormones, and to testosterone in particular. Women with high levels of testosterone are much more likely to be ambitious and assertive and to choose traditionally male careers in business and finance. They’re also likely to want more sex (low levels of testosterone have been shown to produce the opposite effect).

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

A colorful character

August 29, 2009 at 12:43 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

He’s a Madagascar chameleon

No guessing why this guy is called a “Proboscis monkey”

From Borneo

THE NEWS

France: Factory workers bare all to save jobs: “Workers at a crisis-hit boiler factory in France have stripped off for a nude calendar in a bid to save 204 jobs slated for redundancy. Staff at the Chaffoteaux et Maury factory in Brittany will use the proceeds to fund a trip to Italy where they plan to stage a protest at their parent company, Ariston Thermo Group (ATG), which pulled the plug on the site earlier this year. ‘Our aim is to show there are workers here who will do anything to save their jobs, even take their clothes off,’ said Brigitte Coadic, representative of the CGT union at the site and the woman behind the calendar, which is due out in the autumn.”

New Zealand: Valuable plastic toilet seat? “It supported the bare bums of his pub patrons for 15 years and Trev Inwood wants it back. The Kiwi publican has offered a $NZ100 ($80) bar tab for the return of a plastic toilet seat stolen from his Christchurch tavern last week. Inwood says he was shocked someone had opted to steal the bog-standard seat but conceded there “might have be a bit of nostalgia … a souvenir”, as it had been around longer than the fancy new seats installed in recent renovations at the Belfast Tavern. “Some bugger must have unbolted it from the back and taken it out of the boozer with no-one seeing it,” he told The Press. Replacing the seat without fuss would have been the “easy option”, but that was not the point, he said. “I’m actually looking forward to paying out the $100 so that the guy can enjoy a beer and we’ll have a laugh about it. “I might mount the seat on the wall somewhere.”

Homeless man bursts into flames after being Tasered by police: “A homeless man caught fire after U.S. police shocked him with a Taser gun, it has been revealed. Daniel Wood, 31, was allegedly sniffing gas from an aerosol can as he ran through traffic when he was chased by two officers in Lancaster, Ohio. One officer caught Wood and got him on the ground, where Wood continued to resist, according to the police report. Another officer shouted a warning, then zapped Wood with the Taser, the report said. Wood immediately burst into flames that covered his torso. The officers were forced to drop their weapons and beat out the flames…. He admitted he had been inhaling vapours from a chemical cleaner in an attempt to get ‘high’. Wood had been resisting arrest by attempting to bite the officers and lashing out with his feet.

British family returns from day out… to find a monkey in the living room: “Nature textbooks will tell you that the normal habitat of the marmoset is the rainforest of south-eastern Brazil. Strangely, they don’t say anything about curtain rails in deepest Bedfordshire. Gemma Peck, 18, was eating her breakfast in front of the TV when her boyfriend Colin Hinder arrived and noticed a tiny monkey perched on the rail and apparently watching the programme. After getting over his shock, he realised it must have come from Woburn Safari Park, two miles from Gemma’s home in the village of Aspley Guise. Staff were contacted and admitted the furry invader, a male common marmoset called Kite, had escaped with his twin brother Ponty a day earlier. He apparently scaled an 8ft wall, crossed a busy A-road, scampered across a field and headed down a steep hill into the village before slipping into the Peck family home through an open window. Kite has now been captured and returned to the safari park but Ponty remains on the run.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Goodbye Google

August 28, 2009 at 4:47 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

I still think Google have the best search engine but they are woeful blog hosts. Via their blogspot subsidiary, they hosted this blog from January 2003 to July, 2009 without a single problem. Then one fine day earlier this month, they completely blocked anyone from viewing it. Why? I have no idea. What they can have against a humor blog quite escapes me. But so it was and is.

Moving my blog here seems to have worked well. I now seem to have most of my old readership back. But a niggle has been that Google has made all my past posts (archives) inaccessible too. I am pleased to say, however, that I have just completed the transfer of ALL my past posts elsewhere. So they are all generally accessible again. There are a lot of good jokes and funny stories in them so I hope a few people might browse them occasionally.

As I say in the side-column here: “The archives not stored on this site are mostly available at Wicked Thoughts Archive but the archives for April to July 2009 (incl.) are available via the Mirror Site

Some British exam howlers

August 28, 2009 at 3:58 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The French Resistance found the internet useful and Martin Luther led the 1960s civil rights movement in America, according to students whose gaffes have been submitted by academics for the Times Higher Education magazine’s annual exam howlers competition.

A politics student at Brunel remarked that the United States had the most advanced military in the world — possessing “highly developed and powerful marital equipment”.

Writing about the British electoral system, a first-year student at Royal Holloway, University of London, considered “first parcel post” ["first past the post"]. In another blunder that a lecturer sent in for this year’s list a biology student at Staffordshire University wrote a paper not about genomes but on the “science of gnomes”.

A student informed a cinema lecturer at the University of Leeds that a political group “used the internet to publicise their cause, just like the French Resistance did during the Second World War”. And the student who confused the German founder of the Reformation with Martin Luther King was American.

A final-year student’s commentary on a medieval French poem noted that “all of the sentences end in a coma”. Emma Cayley, a lecturer at the University of Exeter, said: “That’s pretty much how I felt marking it, too.”

Original story here

THE NEWS

Chinglish can be pretty funny but so can Australian Chinese: ” A slip of the tongue as a young diplomat in Beijing left a deep impression on the Chinese that burns in Kevin Rudd’s memory, the Prime Minister has revealed. Mr Rudd related the tale last night as he spoke on one of his favourite themes – the need for Australians to be more familiar with Asia. He reflected on an occasion as a young diplomat in Beijing when he was translating for the Australian ambassador, Ross Garnaut, at a meeting with Chinese officials. Professor Garnaut said Australia and China had a relationship of unprecedented closeness. Young Mr Rudd translated – and his efforts were met with shock and laughter. “Apparently what I’d said … was that China and Australia are currently experiencing fantastic mutual orgasm,” Mr Rudd recounted. “Ever since then our Chinese friends have remembered my visit to Beijing.”

Candies feature ‘fruits in pornographic poses’: “A popularR confectionery is causing an uproar in Europe after a flood of complaints about its packaging. Claims have been made that the fruit figures that appear on Haribo MAOAM sour candies are engaging in sex acts. A father-of-two told The Daily Mail of his disgust after spotting the fruity cartoon characters. Simon Simpkins was buying Haribo MAOAM sour candies for his children when he noticed the “pornographic” illustrations of limes, lemons and cherries romping with each other. Mr Simpkins of West Yorkshire said: “The lemon and lime are locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter.” “The lime, whom I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid expression on his face,” he said. A spokesman for Haribo said the “fun” packaging of the sweets was introduced in Germany in 2002 and added: “This jovial MAOAM man is very popular with fans, both young and old.” [Sounds like the guy compaining has got a dirty mind. It IS possible just to embrace!]

Death warrant issued for greedy Swiss wolves: “It is unclear if the three wolves were too greedy or simply hungry, but what is certain is that by killing more sheep than they should, they have violated Swiss law. Swiss authorities have issued a death warrant for the three offending wolves originating from Italy and France, and wardens have 60 days to hunt them down. Over the last few weeks, herders raised the alarm that their sheep were being attacked. Dozens have been reported to have fallen prey in western Switzerland’s canton Valais, with some 15 sheep killed on the night of August 1 and 2 alone. Meanwhile, 27 sheep were killed in July in the central Swiss canton of Lucerne. Unbeknownst to the predators, the rampage had exceeded those tolerated under the official quota. Swiss law allows predators to kill only 35 animals in four months, while in a month, the quota is 25. However, that limit falls to 15 a month for protected herds, as in the case of the wolves’ prey. Animals violating this law can be shot. Taking into account the recent damage, cantonal authorities in Valais and Lucerne in early August gave their nod to hunt down the three guilty wolves. The first was killed on August 20″.

Hip Londoners rearrange the letters in train station names: “Next time you’re in London, you can take the Underground from Castrate Angel to A Retard Cottonmouth then change and go one stop south to Queerer Elastics. Come again? This is how a bunch of web nerds telling you how to get from Lancaster Gate to Leicester Square (via Tottenham Court Road) on the weird and wonderful Anagram Tube Map, the latest strange internet craze, thelondonpaper reports. The names range from the sweet (Shown Kitten; The Orchids) via the surreal (Godparent Bikers; Elk Ramp; Burst Racoon), to the disconcertingly rude-sounding (Browny Helmet; Erect Bone; Wifely Stench, and many more).”

Fake road sign fools police: “Police have been left red-faced after a someone erected a fake road sign to ease traffic in a Sydney suburban street. Hundreds of motorists are believed to have been fined for ignoring the sign preventing vehicles from turning into Albert Rd at the intersection of Beecroft Rd, Beecroft. Police said they were lenient towards motorists when the sign first appeared but complaints from residents about the potential danger to a nearby school zone led to a crackdown on drivers. The Roads and Traffic Authority has removed the sign and the office responsible for collecting fines is promising to reimburse wrongly booked motorists. Eastwood police commander Peter Marcon said a number of drivers were fined and slapped with demerit points on their licenses for disobeying the sign. “I want to reassure them we are looking into the matter,” Superintendent Marcon said.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Some more Chinese English — or should that be “Engrish”

August 27, 2009 at 2:32 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

THE NEWS

Austria: Teenager flashes to police: “A cheeky teenager was let off with a fine after showing his naked backside to other motorists and accidentally flashing police in an unmarked patrol car. Daniel Gleirscher, 19, from Salzburg was on the way home along the main A1 motorway after the Frequency music festival which took place in Sankt Poelten, northern Austria, over the weekend. Police allowed the group to continue after a breath test confirmed the driver was the one sober member of the group in the car.”

A REAL non-stop heart: “Relatives of a dead man in Spain asked a doctor to confirm his death a second time because his body showed no signs of going pale hours after he passed away. The 70-year-old died of a heart attack and his body was on display at a funeral home in Lorca, a city of some 90,000 people in southern Spain, when his family noticed that it still had a healthy pink glow, a spokesman for the funeral home said. They then called in the doctor to confirm that their loved one was in fact dead. The doctor concluded that the man still had a healthy glow, despite having passed away, because the pacemaker he was wearing was still running.”

Shoplifter to head Tennessee council budget panel: “Metro Councilman Ronnie Steine, who resigned as vice mayor seven years ago after admitting to shoplifting, is now in charge of the council’s budget process. Vice Mayor Diane Neighbors appointed Steine on Monday chairman of the Budget and Finance Committee, which will study Mayor Karl Dean’s operating budget proposal next spring before recommending a final plan to the full council. The next fiscal year will start July 1. Steine, who was forgiven by enough voters to win countywide election as an at-large councilman in 2007, said his shoplifting history didn’t come up in his discussions with Neighbors.”

Sexy NYC hotel: “People are flocking to a New York hotel to get an eyeful of their guest’s X-rated antics. Boasting rooms with huge floor-to-ceiling windows that can be viewed from below, guests at the Standard Hotel have been spotted having sex, drying off and masturbating. Guests are also reported to have been seen making a porno. A worker in the nearby park told the New York Post people come to the park specifically to watch the erotic exhibitionism. One passer-by, who has seen randy guests having sex in front of the massive floor-to-ceiling windows, told the paper the hotel was like “a little peep show”. However, the hotel has come under fire from the local council who have called the raunchy window show “unacceptable.” The Standard Hotel has issued a statement saying its managers will try harder to “remind guests of the transparency” of the windows.”

Nutty ex-student causes scare: “A 17-year-old boy with a sword and homemade pipe bombs attached to his body was arrested Monday after he detonated two of the bombs at a Northern California high school and was tackled by a teacher, authorities said. The blasts caused no serious damage, and no injuries were reported, police said. The boy set off the bombs around 8 a.m. after walking into Hillsdale High School in San Mateo with at least 10 explosive devices attached to a vest he was wearing, said police Lt. Mike Brunicardi. He also was carrying a chain saw.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Courtesy of a UGA Letterman ….

August 26, 2009 at 1:36 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin s say: “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” (Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle..”

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton .”

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I told him, ‘Son,what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'”

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, r ecounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.

THE NEWS

Tough Kiwi ladies: “A study has found that New Zealand women are some of the most jealous and possessive in the world. One in seven Kiwi men say their partners get angry if they speak to other women, compared to nine per cent of women saying the same about their male partners. Kiwi women are also more likely to stop their partners seeing friends and relatives, and keep track of them “in a controlling or frightening way”, than vice-versa. The results of the national Families Commission research suggest women in New Zealand are more possessive than those in Canada and Britain, where females are more likely to feel controlled than men. The report’s principal analyst, Radha Balakrishnan, says the controversial results will spark debate in New Zealand, where newspapers carried headlines on Tuesday like “women strike fear into their partners”. [This is the other side of the fact that Kiwi women are also highly promiscuous. They have reason to fear predatory "sisters"]

CT: Wal-Mart worker accused of beating boss with bat: “Police in New Haven accused a Wal-Mart worker of beating an assistant manager in a store aisle with an aluminum baseball bat after getting reprimanded for the second time in a few days. Officer Joseph Avery said Tuesday that police are still looking for the 26-year-old suspect. They plan to charge him with first-degree assault and breach of peace. Avery said the worker grabbed the bat off a shelf and hit 29-year-old assistant manager George Freibott nearly a dozen times at about midnight Monday, after Freibott wrote the worker up for poor job performance.”

France’s answer to Britain’s famous “Mini”: “This is Citroen’s answer to the Mini. The Citroen DS3 is one of a growing breed of tiny luxury cars designed to take advantage of tax breaks for fuel efficient vehicles in Europe. The funky three-door, which will be officially unveiled at next month’s Frankfurt motor show, marks the launch of an all-new luxury sub-brand for the French manufacturer, which is keen to capitalise on the changing buying patterns of luxury car buyers. As with the Mini, buyers will be able to choose from a wide array of different exterior and interior styling themes. The roof is available in four colours: black, white, blue and red. Buyers can also specify the colour of their side mirrors, wheels and dashboard inserts. But unlike the Mini, the DS3 will have five seats and a decent-sized boot, according to the manufacturer.” [Britain's Mini is now made by BMW anyhow -- and it's not NEARLY as much fun to drive as the original Mini]

Police hunting for ladies’ underwear thief arrest British mayor: “Ian Stafford, mayor of Preesall, near Blackpool, has been charged with stealing womens underwear. Residents in Preesall, near Fleetwood, Lancashire were left stunned after Ian Stafford, 58, had to resign as the First Citizen after being arrested. Female residents had called in police after intimate articles of clothing kept disappearing from their homes. One woman was so worried that she even installed a covert camera in her bedroom. But when she showed police the recording, it revealed a semi-naked man going through her drawers, putting on her underwear and then performing a lurid sex act. Investigations later revealed a collection of knickers at the home of Councillor Stafford. The mayor, a bachelor who works as a part-time handyman and gardener, was arrested on suspicion of burglary.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The new iPhone is not enough!

August 25, 2009 at 12:05 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Some more of the features that are needed:

THE NEWS

Silver pocket watch found off Welsh coast returned after 130 years: “A silver pocket watch that spent 130 years at the bottom of the sea will be reunited with the nearest living relative of its owner after the diver who found it turned amateur detective. The watch was found by Rich Hughes near the spot off the Pembrokeshire coast where the Barbara went down in 1881. The square-rigged barque had sailed from Burma with a cargo of rice but was wrecked when she was steered on to rocks by her inexperienced captain. Engraved on the back of the timepiece was the inscription: Richard Prichard 1866 Abersoch North Wales. Mr Hughes, 38, was so intrigued by the watch and its detailed inscription that he researched the history of the Barbara. He discovered that Prichard had been her original captain but had died and been buried at sea shortly after setting sail for the ship’s home port of Liverpool. He said: “I was amazed that the watch was in such good condition after laying at the bottom of the sea for generations. As soon as I saw the name it started me thinking about Richard Prichard. Mr Roberts said: “Through his family tree I was able to trace Captain Prichard’s descendants and was amazed to find they were still living in North Wales.” The watch will be given to Owen Cowell, a retired dentist, of Pwllheli, North Wales later this month. Mr Cowell’s grandmother was Captain Prichard’s cousin, making him the closest-surviving family member.”

London cash machines now speak Cockney: “Would you Adam and Eve it? Cash machines in east London are offering customers the option of using the local Cockney rhyming slang to get their hands on their sausage, so to speak. Five automated teller machines (ATMs) in the East End are going Cockney for three months from today. While cash machines with several language options are commonplace in some countries, the chance to use rhyming slang could leave those unfamiliar with the east London lingo in a right load of Barney Rubble. Anyone opting for Cockney rhyming slang will be asked to enter their Huckleberry Finn (PIN) before choosing how much sausage and mash (cash) they want. Those wanting to withdraw 10 pounds will have to ask for a speckled hen, while the machine may inform users that it is contacting their rattle and tank, rather than bank. Better-known Cockney rhyming slang includes dog and bone (phone), apples and pears (stairs), whistle and flute (suit), Adam and Eve (believe), Barnet Fair (hair), trouble and strife (wife), loaf of bread (head) and boat race (face).”

Italy: Parmesan producers bank on cheese: “All that is golden in bank Credito Emiliano’s temperature-controlled vault is not precious metal, but something equally prized in Italy: aging Parmesan cheese. Row upon row of 85-pound wheels of straw-colored Parmesan cheese, stacked some 33 feet high at a secure warehouse, age for as many as two years under the care of bank employees trained in the centuries-old art of Parmesan making. The program allows Parmesan producers to pump cash into their business by using their product as collateral while it is otherwise sitting on a shelf for the long aging process. While the mechanism was not born out of the current economic crisis, dating rather from Italy’s post-World War II years, producers say it is ever more important because it ensures that credit keeps flowing during otherwise tight times.”

Claim that prostitute’s baby “a breach of contract”: “A Melbourbe man who paid a woman for sex is resisting child support requests after the alleged prostitute had his baby. The married man argues the child is potentially a breach of the Trade Practices Act. He told a Federal Magistrate he shouldn’t have to pay for the inadvertent offspring given the circumstances of the conception. There is no dispute the man is the biological father of the infant. The accidental dad – who can only be referred to by the pseudonym Mr Lilley – told federal magistrate Grant Riethmuller he’d had “a consumer transaction” with the child’s mother. Mr Lilley argued an implied term of the “contract” between clients and sex workers was that women would take measures to avoid pregnancy.The man used the legal action to question whether the sex worker and the federal government’s Child Support Agency had any right to chase him for money. In an affadavit, he argued the woman’s foundation for seeking support was “fundamentally flawed” given her job. But in a ruling issued this week, the magistrate said the circumstances of the conception made no difference to the child’s entitlements under the Child Support Scheme. The man was ordered to keep paying $100 a week until a likely appeal to the Social Securities Appeal Tribunal is heard. The magistrate noted the door might be open for the dad to launch separate legal actions against the owners of the brothel or escort service – or the mother individually – for damages. Sex without a condom in licensed Victorian brothels and escort agencies is illegal.”

Australian lizards deter lovers with color: “Lake Eyre lady dragons avoid sex with over-enthusiastic lovers by showing them their bright orange undies. The shocking display deters predators as well. Ordinarily, such conspicuous colours and vulnerable body position would make a creature more attractive to predators but it even appears to deter hunting birds. University of Melbourne researcher Devi Stuart-Fox told the 10th International Congress of Ecology in Brisbane last week that female Lake Eyre dragon lizards developed bright orange patches on their throats and bellies when they were reproductively active. “If they wish to avoid sex with harassing males, they flip on to their backs and prevent the males from being able to copulate with them,” Dr Stuart-Fox said. “In most animals, it is the males that have the showy colours, which they use to intimidate rivals or attract mates.” Lying on their backs might seem to make them easy targets for predators but birds did not appear to attack these lizards, preferring those still upright. Dr Stuart-Fox said this was likely because birds rarely came across flipped over, orange lizards and did not recognise them as potential prey. Predators also were highly attuned to bright colours and avoided many bugs, beetles and caterpillars that showed their toxicity with bright colours.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The primal scene

August 24, 2009 at 6:19 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

THE NEWS

British tourist locked in town hall after inconvenient mistake: “A British holidaymaker spent a night locked in a French town hall after assuming that L’Hôtel de Ville was the town’s main hotel. The woman entered the building in Dannemarie, Alsace, on Friday evening but officials locked up and left while she was using a lavatory. She was released the following morning by the mayor. Paul Mumbach, the Mayor of Dannemarie in Alsace, eastern France, said that the tourist had entered the building on Friday evening while officials were holding a meeting on the first floor. When the meeting ended, and officials left the building and locked the main door behind them without noticing the tourist, who had gone to the toilet. The woman turned the lights on in an attempt to attract attention. When that failed, she stuck a notice to the front door which said, in schoolgirl but nevertheless comprehensible French: “I am shut in. Can someone open the door?” However, the notice went unseen until the following morning when a councillor saw the call for help and phoned Mr Mumbach, who had the keys to the town hall.”

Elderly man’s bottom glued to toilet seat: “Pranksters glued an elderly man’s bottom to a toilet seat in the public loos at a Cairns shopping centre, forcing him to sit tight during a highly embarrassing rescue. The 70-year-old Cairns man was stuck so fast he had to be taken from the men’s toilets with the toilet seat still attached, in full view of a gathering crowd of curious Cairns Central. He was taken by ambulance to Cairns Base Hospital where it is understood industrial-strength solvents were used to dissolve the glue, Cairns.com.au reports. Police said it was the second case of a strong, fast-acting glue being smeared on a seat in the same men’s toilets that day, although in the earlier incident the man had been able to get up before the glue set. A Queensland Ambulance Service spokesman yesterday said the elderly man, who did not want to be identified, was “pretty distressed about the whole thing”. Cairns Police District’s Supt Brent Carter said he was “ropeable” about Saturday’s prank and appealed for public help to identify the culprit”.

The Simpsons turn brown: “An Angolan advertising agency has given Homer Simpson and his family an African makeover, raising eyebrows among fans of one of America’s most cherished sitcoms. The Simpsons, broadcast in more than 90 countries, have always been portrayed as yellow but the advertising agency, Executive Center in Luanda, decided to turn them brown in a promotional video aired by Africa’s digital satellite TV service DSTV in Angola. Homer, Marge, Lisa and Bart are portrayed as Africans sitting on their over-used family couch. The family is shown wearing African-inspired clothing and their living room has little more than two huge loud speakers. Even Homer’s cherished beer has been replaced by Cuca, the Budweiser of Angola. “Couldn’t they have left Marge’s hair blue?” said Ryan, a blogger, in a post below a picture of Marge with a jet black afro hairdo. The creative director of Executive Centre, Antonio Pascoa, said: “Our goal was to adapt the satirical parody of the typical middle-class American family to Angola.”

British council slammed for spending £100,000 on ‘living wall’ of plants – which dried out and died: “A council has been accused of wasting £100,000 of taxpayers’ money after an award-winning ‘living wall’ died. The 30ft-high structure was praised as pioneering when unveiled by Islington Council in a park in Holloway, London. Containing strawberries, thyme and flowering shrubs, it was a landmark in the area – until the unique water system failed and killed the plants. The recycled watering system was meant to spread moisture through the wall along tiny pipes built into a steel mesh. But now the system has failed the once lush, green wall, designed by architect Deborah Saunt, is now brown and almost completely lifeless.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Did your mother ever tell you to keep your mouth closed?

August 23, 2009 at 2:04 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

THE NEWS

Lucky number 13: mathematician’s formula for love: “If you want to find your one and only, you’ll need to date the flirty dozen first. Mathematician Clio Cresswell says that singles can increase their chances of finding true love by rejecting at least 12 potential partners before settling down. If more people followed Dr Cresswell’s theory – based on statistical outcomes – the divorce rate would plummet…. single people who have had at least 12 romantic attachments – and they don’t have to involve sex – considerably improve their odds of finding Mr or Ms Right. ”According to my principle, you have to reject at least 12 people to increase your chance of finding your long-term partner. If you do that, you raise the chance of making it work to 75 per cent.”

Old lady, 53, wants sex: “Form an orderly queue chaps – ten years after she called time on Mick Jagger, Jerry Hall [pic above] is ready to marry again because she misses the sex. But this time she’s going to be more choosy. Jerry Hall has had it with rock stars. They’re too tricky. Never grow up. No, Jerry wants companionship; a man to grow old with, someone nice. ‘I suppose when you’re younger you’re looking for an alpha male with lots of testosterone,’ says Jerry, who’s 53 now. ‘Mick was very, very charismatic and very funny, but the eternal dissatisfied adolescent. He was so irreverent and loose. He always used to make me laugh – and there was definitely some chemistry going on. ‘But a lot of rock stars never grow up, and I’m not looking for that now – definitely not. Priorities change. You want companionship. There are so many things you don’t really care about that you did when you were younger. You become less picky about superficial things.”

‘Beautiful’ blonde teenager charms her way into high-security area of Paris bank – ‘then pulls out a gun’: “A beautiful blonde teenager charmed her way into the high security area of a bank in the heart of a Paris tourist district before allegedly pulling out a gun. The chic 17-year-old then ordered guards to allow two equally youthful accomplices through armoured doors, so they could begin filling bags with cash. But the raid quickly unravelled and all three are now in custody. ‘The young girl carried out her honey trap role to perfection, but the two boys with her mucked things up,’ claimed a police spokesman. ‘Once inside the bank they failed to realise that a secret alarm button had been pressed, and that police were on their way. ‘Within minutes the bank was surrounded by armed officers and a helicopter was circling overhead. The raiders had no chance of getting away.’ The attempted robbery took place on Monday with the three youths – all aged 17 – targeting the Fortis bank in the 5th arrondissement on Paris’s Left Bank. When police arrived the trio initially escaped through an emergency exit, but were then easily caught. All came from the Paris suburb of Alfortville. The arrested woman had convictions for threatening behaviour and criminal damage. Despite being just 17, one of the male accomplices arrested had a criminal record of 41 offences.”

India: Death threats to artist for naked god: “Subodh Kerkar, 49, said extremists had threatened to chop off his fingers for producing the sketches, which also show the elephant-headed god performing a Maori dance, walking naked carrying a garden rake, and in the pose of Auguste Rodin’s The Thinker. Ganesh, widely revered in India as the ‘Lord of Beginnings and Obstacles,’ is usually depicted sitting with a broken tusk in one hand and a sweet delicacy in the other. Mr Kerkar’s unorthodox drawings are part of a new exhibition in the former Portuguese colony of Goa. ‘I have been receiving phone calls which threaten me with dire consequences. They told me that they will chop off my fingers for indulging in such acts,’” he said.”

King of Swaziland ignores poor to spend millions on wives: “King Mswati III of Swaziland, Africa’s last absolute monarch and ruler of some of the poorest people in the world, has sent his favourite wives on a multimillion-dollar shopping jaunt through Europe, the Middle East and Asia, provoking fierce criticism of his profligacy. Britain has been drawn into the row because of the millions of pounds in aid reportedly given to the kingdom, with campaigners accusing Whitehall of double standards. “They shout about Zimbabwe, but keep quiet about what is happening in Swaziland, even though they are one of its biggest aid donors. They are wasting British taxpayers’ money on this tyrant,” Lucky Lukhele, of the Swaziland Solidarity Network (SSN), told The Times. The landlocked kingdom of Swaziland is home to about 1.2 million people, more than two thirds of whom live in abject poverty on less than $1 a day. More than a quarter of the adult population has HIV – the highest ratio in the world. The king enjoys a personal fortune of about $287 million, as the beneficiary of two funds created by his father, Sobhuza II, in trust for the nation. He also receives money from the national budget for his family’s upkeep. Last year this totalled $24 million – more than was set aside for education.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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