Wicked Thoughts

Somebody likes bananas

Or are they setting up a banana republic?

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

World’s longest hangover: “IT may be the longest hangover in the history of binge beer drinking. A Glasgow man downed 60 pints leaving him with a four-week super-hangover. When a 37-year old man walked into a hospital emergency room in Glasgow, Scotland last October complaining of “wavy” vision and a non-stop headache that had lasted four weeks, doctors were at first stumped, the British journal The Lancet reported today. But when an eye specialist was called in, the fog began to clear, at least for the doctors. The patient, said the ophthalmologist, had swollen optical discs, greatly enlarged blind spots and what eye doctors call “flame haemorrhages,” or bleeding nerve fibres. This is when the man revealed he had consumed 60 pints – roughly 35 litres – of beer over a four day period, following a domestic crisis. It took more than six months of long-term blood-thinning treatment to restore the man’s normal vision – and to get rid of the headache, the doctors reported.”

Germany named most popular country in world: “Germany is the most popular country in the world, despite well-publicised protests against its insistence on austerity measures within the European Union, an annual poll for the BBC World Service reveals. More than 26,000 people from around the world were asked to rate 16 countries on whether their global influence was “mainly positive” or “mainly negative”. Some 59 per cent of those polled rated Germany as having a positive influence, while at the other end of the spectrum, Iran came last with only 15 per cent looking upon it favourably. Even in Spain, which is suffering from stringent austerity measures due to a German-led financial rescue package, 68 per cent said they felt Germany had “a mainly positive influence in the world”. Germany displaced Japan at the top of the table, with the Asian giant’s popularity falling from 58 per cent last year to 51 per cent. Canada and Britain scored second and third, both with 55 per cent”

Bride-to-be found guilty of killing fiance just hours before wedding: “A US woman [above] who stabbed her fiance to death with a large kitchen knife hours before their wedding last year folded her hands and rocked side to side as a Pennsylvania jury announced it had found her guilty of first-degree murder. The jury of five woman and seven men deliberated for just under three hours before reaching its decision during the third day of Na Cola Darcel Franklin’s trial. Franklin, wearing a black dress and black suit coat, did not cry as she had several times throughout the trial. Instead, she looked into the court audience briefly with tears in her eyes, before focusing back on the jury as the verdict was read on Thursday. Franklin, 32, will now spend the rest of her life in prison without a chance of parole for the slaying of her husband-to-be, truck driver Billy Brewster, 36.”

Another government computer meltdown: “The BBC has admitted it wasted almost £100million of licence fee payers’ money on a failed IT project. MPs branded the debacle an ‘outrage’ as the corporation suspended its chief technology officer and threatened disciplinary action to those responsible. BBC director general Tony Hall has now axed the Digital Media Initiative (DMI). The corporation’s governing body admitted it would be ‘throwing good money after bad’ to finish the project, which began five years ago. The DMI was supposed to allow BBC staff to access the entire archive from their computers, doing away with the need for audio and video tapes. It was expected to save the corporation £18million in production costs because staff could share and download material remotely instead of transporting tapes between headquarters.”

Man [above] tries to un-divorce dead wife! “A husband battling to have his divorce from his wife annulled more than two years after her death has had his hopes dashed by a top judge. Desmond McIntosh, who is dyslexic and has ‘severe difficulty in reading and writing’, insisted he didn’t realise his wife Jennifer had already divorced him as he cared for her during her final days. The carpenter said his literacy skills are so bad he had no idea he had signed divorce papers which left him ‘with absolutely no capital’ following her death from lung and brain cancer at the age of 71 in 2011. Mr McIntosh, 58, told London’s Appeal Court he spent the last two years of his wife’s life ‘caring for her in her dying days’ and was shocked to discover after she died that she had ended their marriage in 2009. He claimed his signature on the divorce document was unfairly procured by his late wife using ‘undue influence’. The court heard the couple, who ran a carpentry business together, married in 1993 and bought a house in Thamesmead, London, where they lived for 16 years. The property, which they bought for £78,000, is now worth around £350,000 and was in Mrs McIntosh’s sole name.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Scottish travails

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Cockroaches quickly lose sweet tooth to survive: “FOR decades, people have been getting rid of cockroaches by setting out bait mixed with poison. But in the late 1980s, in an apartment test kitchen in Florida, something went very wrong. A killer product stopped working. Cockroach populations there kept rising. Mystified researchers tested and discarded theory after theory until they finally hit on the explanation: In a remarkably rapid display of evolution at work, many of the cockroaches had lost their sweet tooth, rejecting the corn syrup meant to attract them. In as little as five years, the sugar-rejecting trait had become so widespread that the bait had been rendered useless. “Cockroaches are highly adaptive, and they’re doing pretty well in the arms race with us,” said North Carolina State University entomologist Jules Silverman, discoverer of the glucose aversion in that Florida kitchen during a bait test.”

Fisherman catches 2m freshwater croc – and gives it the bottom bunk bed: “HE was hoping to catch a birthday barra [barramundi] but instead it turned into crocodile capers for an Innisfail fisherman who spent the night bunked down at home with a 2m reptile. Ashley Sala was fishing in Ninds Creek, a tributary of the Johnstone River, on Tuesday night when a snarly swamp dog latched on to his live bait. Mr Sala pondered what to do next, realising the croc, which he was “starting to feel sorry for”, would almost certainly drown if the line wasn’t untangled. Cr Nolan advised him to keep the croc in a safe place for the night and that he would call the Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service in the morning to come and collect the animal. The fisherman did just that, giving his girlfriend a birthday brush-off as he opted to share a bunk bed in a donga at his family’s River Drive Van Park with his prized catch. From his comfy perch on the top bunk, Mr Sala kept the croc secure until rangers arrived yesterday morning to take the croc away for assessment.”

More bureaucratic British bungledom: “A couple have spoken of their disbelief after just one of their disabled identical twin sons, who both have Downs Syndrome, was granted vital disability benefits while the other was refused. Little Arthur and Alfie, both 10 months old, share the exact same medical conditions and need the same round-the-clock care. But a government ruling has found that only Arthur was entitled to Disability Living Allowance of £76 per month. Mum Emma Banks-Lowe, 33, said the decision had left her ‘gobsmacked’ because the boys, born just one minute apart, share exactly the same medical issues and require round-the-clock care. Emma and her mechanic husband David, 45, of Kirkham, Lancs, said the benefits are vital for both of the boys who need daily physiotherapy, and require frequent hospital visits. They have identical heart, lung and eye complications and they are expected to have problems walking as they grow older.”

World’s most expensive coffee pot: “The world’s most expensive coffee set to fetch up to £4.5million when it goes under the hammer. The small jug, which stands little over 10ins tall, will be the most important coffee-pot ever to come to the market when it is auctioned at Christie’s in London next month. Collectors from around the world are expected to spark a bidding frenzy for the Rococo masterpiece by Paul de Lamerie (1688–1751) – the greatest silversmith working in Britain in the 18th century. The George II silver coffee-pot, which weighs 34oz, was created in 1738, for a successful merchant. This coffee-pot is the masterpiece of de Lamerie’s highly developed Rococo period and is a tour-de-force of design and execution. The coffee pot was commissioned by London based trader and fellow Huguenot Sir John Lequesne and tells the story of his flight from France to London”

American tourists having picnic on Iceland glacier rescued after it becomes iceberg and floats away – with them on it: “It was anything but a quiet meal for a group of tourists who stopped to have a picnic on a glacier in Iceland, only to have their vantage point break off and float away. The four Americans had stopped for a Sunday dinner at the Fjallsárlón glacial lagoon in East Iceland over the weekend, setting up a table and chairs for their feast. But suddenly, a gust of wind caused the ice floe they were sitting on to break off and drift out into the water. One of the tourists was able to scramble off the massive piece of ice and call for help. When they were found by first responders, they were about 32 feet off the shore, according to Iceland Review. ‘When we arrived it was quite comical to see them sitting on chairs and with a table on an iceberg,’ Páll Sigurður Vignisson of the Hornafjörður rescue team, told Iceland Review.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

GETTING OLDER

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?” “‘Yes, I’m afraid so,”‘ the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. “Yes, Dad , what is it?” “Don’t be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”

Ageing: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say “You don’t look that old.”

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve travelled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

One of the many things no one tells you about ageing is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper; it’s worse when you forget to pull it down.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Aggressive female driver incriminates herself on Twitter: “A YOUNG driver may have landed herself in trouble after boasting about knocking a cyclist off their bike on Twitter. The woman, whose name is ‘Emma Way’ on Twitter, has been contacted by police in the UK city of Norwich following the ill-advised tweet. “Definitely knocked a cyclist off his bike earlier – I have right of way he doesn’t even pay road tax #bloodycyclists”,” she wrote, according to the Guardian. The furore created by her boast resulted in the alleged victim coming forward. Toby Hockley, 29, and a trainee chef, said he was knocked off his bike while taking part in a race with his bike club. In an interview with the BBC, Mr Hockley said: “She hit me hard, really hard. I am lucky to be alive. But I managed to get out of the hedge and stand up. Norfolk police have confirmed that both parties are now in contact with the police.”

Big sinkhole in China: “FIVE people have died after a 10-metre wide sinkhole opened up at the gates of an industrial estate in Shenzhen, the southern Chinese boom town neighbouring Hong Kong. The Shenzhen Longgang district government said on its verified page on Sina Weibo, China’s version of Twitter, that five people had died and added that it was investigating the incident. The sinkhole formed just outside the Huamao Industrial Park in Shenzhen on Monday evening, at a time when many factory workers would have been changing shifts, according to the website of Beijing-based newspaper the Guangming Daily. The state-run Shanghai Daily newspaper said that rescuers saved one man.”

Dangerous driver not too clever: “AN unlicensed hoon who allegedly swerved – on purpose – at a father and his baby boy on a suburban Darwin street has been arrested. A photo taken by the victim, who wished to remain anonymous, helped police track down the alleged offender. The man said that he was walking near his house on Wilmot St, at The Narrows, on Monday when he heard a loud “screech” of tyres. “There was a big plume of smoke coming from the back of this car,” he said. “I crossed the road and got my phone out. The car sped down the road and started swerving at us in a threatening way when he realised I was filming.” The black tyre marks left from the burnout were about 30m long. The 24-year-old driver did a lap of the block and then parked his white Ford sedan outside a mate’s house close to the scene of the burnout, at the corner of Fleming St, about 6.30pm on Monday. Police found the alleged hoon at the house about 70m from the burnout. It is unknown whether he was the owner of the car, which was impounded. The man has been charged with driving unlicensed and driving without due care, and faced Darwin Magistrates Court yesterday.”

Wedding dress and dog don’t mix: “There was little this bride could do when she was chased down and tackled to the ground by an overenthusiastic dog. The bride, identified only as Morgan, was making her way across a garden after showing off her dress to her grandmother, when the unfortunate incident occurred. A woman filming Morgan from the terrace warns not to let the dog, named Tess, out of the house – but it comes too late. As the overenthusiastic Tess bounds across the lawn at top speed, Morgan flees across the lawn. She is soon knocked to the ground by the playful pet. Despite her pristine white dress being no doubt covered in pawprints and slobber, the bride manages to see the funny side and bursts into giggles as the dog is pulled off her.”

Internet goes bonkers for mysterious male model Ahmed Angel: “Meet Ahmed Angel, the bright-eyed, unabashedly narcissistic male model from Iraq who is conquering the internet one creepy, sparkling selfie at a time. With his flawless (perhaps slightly Photoshopped) porcelain skin, fair Ahmed looks like a cross between Frodo Baggins and post-transformation Michael Jackson. Which can only be a good thing. And boy, what a personality. Ahmed doesn’t bother with the grating false modesty of most small-time celebrities. Just check out this loving video tribute he made to himself. “He is planet.” We have absolutely no idea what Ahmed means by that but hey, with a face this gorgeous, he doesn’t need to make sense. We know you’ve already fallen for those piercing blue eyes. You and the rest of the world. But worry not, Ahmed loves you back. The Ahmed admirers aren’t just on Facebook. Ahmed’s Imgur album has been viewed almost a million times, and his luminescence has spawned a series of threads on reddit. Sigh. So eloquent. The guy doesn’t have a single flaw. Seriously though, we’re totally creeped out.” [Let's hope he is a Shia Muslim who goes for a walk down a Sunni street in his native Iraq some time]

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

COUNTRY LIFE

When you’re from the country you look at things a little differently…..

A rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm
and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your Dad home?” the rancher asked.

“No sir, he isn’t,” the boy replied. “He went into town.”

“Well,” said the rancher, “Is your Mother here?”

“No sir, she’s not here either. She went into town with Dad.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

“No sir, he went with Mom and Dad.”

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” the boy asked politely. “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad.”

“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”

The boy considered for a moment. “Well Sir, you would have to talk to Pa about that,” he finally conceded. “If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Howard.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Sinkhole swallows man on forklift in New Jersey warehouse: “A FORKLIFT operator is lucky to be alive after an indoor sinkhole opened up and swallowed him inside a warehouse. The man was working when 2.4-metre deep sinkhole gave way beneath him in a East Rutherford, New Jersey warehouse, reports NBC4 New York. The man was rescued and taken to hospital with minor injuries. Rescuers said the forklift may have saved his life, preventing him from being crushed by shielding him when he fell. The entire warehouse was evacuated after the entire floor sank into a 12-metre by 12-metre sinkhole.

Rare 19th century torpedo discovered — by a dolphin “A rare, antique torpedo that was last fired almost 120 years ago has been uncovered at the bottom of the ocean – by a dolphin working for the US Navy. The bottlenose, named Ten, found the brass relic, known as the Howell torpedo, during a routine patrol and reconnaissance training mission off the coast of California. The US Navy employs dolphins – and some sea lions – to scour the depths for mines, shipwrecks and enemy divers. But 19th century naval weaponry is a particularly rare find, especially one that has lain undisturbed on the ocean bed since 1895. In its heyday, the 11-foot Howell torpedo was considered a masterpiece of innovation and one of the most technologically-advanced pieces of military hardware in the US Navy’s arsenal. Fired from above water or through submerged torpedo tubes, it could cut silently through the water at speeds of 25 knots and sink an unsuspecting enemy warship from up to 700 yards away.”

Breast shaped pizza means the lads are donating to breast cancer charity in their droves: “BREAST-shaped pizzas are the latest menu item causing offence at a Brisbane topless bar. The Grosvenor on George owner Jasmine Robson said she had a special breast-shaped cutter made for the pizzas, with all the flavours named after the hotel’s topless barmaids. “Why not? Life’s too short not to play with your food,” she said. “Guys love them. It’s hilarious watching everyone take ‘selfies’ with their pizzas.” Ms Robson said if people were offended by the pizzas, the solution is simple – don’t buy one. She is also donating $1 from every pizza sold each month to a breast cancer charity. “So it is more than fitting that they are shaped like womens’ breasts.”

Car thief caught by owner: “A US woman who had her car stolen has spotted it going through the Drive-Thru while working at a McDonald’s fast food eatery. According to Washington newspaper Tri-City Herald, McDonald’s staff member Virginia Maiden’s SUV was stolen from her unit complex but she saw it just hours later as its occupants ordered a meal from the store. Maiden then reportedly called the police, who later arrested the 22-year-old driver of the stolen SUV at the McDonald’s on West Canal Drive in Kennewick. According to the report, the car was filled with stolen clothes, and the driver was taken into custody at Benton County jail.”

Big bird: “An Essex livestock owner claims to have reared the biggest cockerel in the world on a diet of popcorn. At more than 2ft (26ins) tall the one-year-old Brahma bird, named Little John, terrifies small children. But it could get even bigger as it is expected to continue growing until its second birthday. Jeremy Goldsmith, the cockerel’s owner, claims it is a world-beater because he also reared the previous biggest, called Melvin and measuring 24ins tall. Little John roams the 10-acre grounds of Mountfitchet Castle in Stansted, Essex., where he is fed crisps and popcorn from visitors. Mr Goldsmith, 45, said: “Little John looks massive compared to the other cockerels and chickens we have on the estate. “I think he has grown so big just because he is treated well and you don’t get more free range than here. “The kids often feed him sandwiches and crisps, but his favourite has got to be popcorn. Brahmas are an Asiatic breed of chicken that originated from birds exported through Shanghai in China and were known as “Shanghai” birds”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The skater: As seen on an Old British Post Card

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Teenage burglar outwits bungling British justice: “A 16-year-old burglar sentenced to a home curfew pulled a fast one on the security company which was setting up his electronic tag, a court heard. A 16-year-old burglar sentenced to a home curfew pulled a fast one on the security company which was setting up his electronic tag, a court heard. The teenager was asked over the phone by an official from G4S to walk around the perimeter of his home so they could map the curfew zone they had to monitor. But the quick-thinking lad decided to give himself a lot more freedom – by running as fast as he could down the road and back. His speedy dash meant that the G4S official inadvertently gave him a much bigger area to roam around during his curfew hours. Normally a criminal who is electronically tagged has to stay indoors or in the immediate garden area of his home during curfew hours. The 16 year-old’s ploy meant he could still venture down the road without triggering the tag.”

Swarmageddon: America braces for cicada plague of Biblical proportions: “America’s East Coast is bracing for a cacophonous summer as hordes of flying insects emerge for the once-in-a-generation phenomenon popularly known as “Swarmageddon”. After 17 years underground growing from larva to bug, billions of cicadas are set to revel in the final four climactic weeks of their unusual life cycle. At some point over the next few weeks, when the temperature at eight feet below ground reaches a steady 64F, the nymphs, as juvenile cicadas are called, will scramble backwards out of the ground. Males flex their tymbals, drum-like organs in their abdomens, by rapidly tensing their muscles. The clicking sound is intensified by their mostly hollow abdomen. Female cicadas answer by snapping their wings. The suitors deliver three different songs and the targets of their attention offer three responses. The ear-splitting chorus can reach 90 decibels – a noise level comparable to a pneumatic drill.”

Couple flown to wrong continent after airline error: “Two US holidaymakers found themselves a long way from their intended destination after an airline confused two airport codes. Sandy Valdiviseo and her husband Triet Vo were intending to fly from Los Angeles to Dakar in Senegal with Turkish Airlines. However, instead they ended up almost 7,000 miles away – on an entirely different continent – in Dhaka, the capital of Bangladesh, after the airport codes were mixed up, the Los Angeles Times reports. After arriving in Istanbul, the couple had boarded a connecting flight. It was only after seeing the route map of the flight’s progress, which showed the plane over the Middle East, that they realised the error. According to reports, the airline insisted on tracking down the recording of the initial booking before acknowledging the error and installing the couple on flights to West Africa”

$1,600 utility bill for home leveled during Hurricane Sandy: “Kiernan Burke, a resident in the Queens borough of New York City, was charged $1,600 for electricity and gas usage over the past seven months, and he would dutifully pay his debt — if his home had even existed in that time. The Burke family’s home was destroyed in October 2012 by a fire that swallowed a swath of the Breezy Point neighborhood in Queens as a result of Hurricane Sandy. … Still, the Long Island Power Authority continued to bill the Burkes, NBC New York has reported. And here’s the rub: The Burkes said that they believe LIPA is responsible for the fire that ravaged the neighborhood because the utility company never cut off power to the area during Sandy.”

London woman says she’s ‘too attractive’ to work: “A LONDON woman says she has been unemployed for two years because her good looks caused “massive problems” in the workplace. Laura Fernee, who has a science PhD, says her last job was at a medical research lab where she earned £30,000 a year ($47,000) from 2008 until 2011. But Ms Fernee, 33, says she was left with no choice but to quit when comments from co-workers about her attractive physical appearance became too much. “I’m not lazy and I’m no bimbo,” Ms Fernee told The Daily Mail. “The truth is my good looks have caused massive problems for me when it comes to employment, so I’ve made the decision that employment just isn’t for me at the moment. It’s not my fault…I can’t help the way I look.” She was “constantly asked out” and felt traumatised when men left “romantic gifts” on her desk. “Even when I was in a laboratory in scrubs with no make-up they still came on to me because of my natural attractiveness. There was nothing I could do to stop it.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Watch those old ladies

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic Garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.

“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “ Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.

A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right Into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you Know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my Hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I Surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’

“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck!

Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Not everybody pays.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

British Quiz show gets it wrong: “A couple who went away empty-handed from a TV quiz show have belatedly scooped £26,000 after Channel 4 admitted producers bungled the answers. In the final round, Miss Coyle, a financial analyst from Glasgow, had to name five of the world’s top ten ‘cities with the busiest airports’ in four minutes, as a possible £46,000 jackpot drained away. She quickly got Paris and London, and later Chicago and Beijing too. But other answers, including New York, were rejected, leaving her visibly upset at winning nothing. But after their game aired, friends urged them to challenge the decision to reject New York. Although none of its airports is among the world’s busiest, the question asked about cities, and overall the Big Apple would rank. There were also question marks over Dubai and Hong Kong, which could have ranked had researchers used more up-to-date figures than they did. A C4 spokesman said: ‘The contestants notified the production company [Victory Television]. They investigated and agreed to pay the couple their winnings.’”

Baffling subtitles on British TV: “Errors appearing at the bottom of the screen have included describing Labour leader Ed Miliband as ‘Ed Miller Band’ and calling the head of the Church of England, ‘Arch bitch of Canterbury’. Ofcom highlighted two funny blunders – singer Engelbert Humperdinck was ‘engle Bert humper distinct’ on ITV’s Loose Women and a BBC weather report referred to ‘fox patches’ [fog patches?]. BBC bosses were left red-faced again when a reporter visiting a farm spoke of how the pigs ‘love to nibble anything that comes into the shed, like our wellies [gumboots]. The subtitles alongside the report changed the last word to ‘willies’ and the mistake became an internet sensation when a viewer pictured the screen blunder. During the Queen Mother’s funeral, the words ‘We’ll now have a moment’s silence for the Queen Mother’ became “We”ll now have a moment’s violence for the Queen Mother’.

Britain’s oldest shop which first opened for business during the reign of Henry V could finally close after 600 years: “It has been standing for 600 years, but the future of Britain’s oldest shop is shrouded in doubt today after it was put up for sale. Historians have discovered the post office and stores in a tiny community of Boxford, Suffolk, was originally used as a warehouse for buying and selling wool and fabric as long ago as 1420. Over the following centuries the building has been home for butchers, grocers, ironmongers and drapers and since the start of the last century it has been a successful general store and post office. Sub-postmaster Richard Gates said: ‘We all hope the new owner keeps the shop open. ‘It has become part of the village landscape and we get customers who have been coming in for all their lives. The heavily-timbered building – which has changed little in appearance for several centuries, also contains a remarkable unaltered two-storey barn.”

Horse fashion? “It is the bizarre fashion trend championed by everyone from Cheryl Cole to Nick Clegg. Now it seems the onesie has become a must-have item in the equine world as well. Customers in Britain and abroad have been chomping at the bit to buy the garments – which come in a range of colours and designs – since they went on sale just three weeks ago. Although the equine onesies were originally created to prevent horses suffering fly irritations, allergies, and other forms of skin conditions, they are also being snapped up by owners eager to keep their animals’ coats clean before a show. ‘All the designs led up to making the onesie, and as far as we know, we’re the only ones in the world making these products. They have been selling all over the place and have made our little company, Shwmae Products, international in just a matter of weeks. ‘They’re particularly popular in Australia and America.

1000-year-old coins found in Northern Territory may rewrite Australian history: “Five coins were found in the Northern Territory in 1944 that have proven to be 1000 years old, opening up the possibility that seafarers from distant countries might have landed in Australia much earlier than what is currently believed. How did 1000-year-old coins end up on a remote beach on an island off the northern coast of Australia? Did explorers from distant lands arrive on Australian shores way before the James Cook declared it “terra nullius” and claimed it for the British throne in 1770? They are African coins from the former Kilwa sultanate, now a World Heritage ruin on an island off Tanzania. Kilwa once was a flourishing trade port with links to India in the 13th to 16th century. The trade with gold, silver, pearls, perfumes, Arabian stone ware, Persian ceramics and Chinese porcelain made the city one of the most influential towns in East Africa at the time. The copper coins were the first coins ever produced in sub-Saharan Africa”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Coolest Caterpillar EVER – Phyllodes Imperialis

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Dumb British cops again: “A teenager was arrested after his teacher overheard him talking about ‘buying a gun’ at school – when he was actually just discussing the computer game Call Of Duty with a friend. The 15-year-old’s school alerted police after misconstruing the conversation and officers raided the boy’s home. The teenager’s stunned mother Danielle McGill told how six officers and a police dog descended on her house in slough, Berks, and arrested her son on suspicion of firearm possession. Ms McGill said her son, who she has asked to remain anonymous, was chatting to a friend about buying a virtual weapon in the shooting game when a teacher overheard the gun reference. Her son, who has ADHD and severe learning difficulties, was arrested and released without charge. But mother-of-two Mrs McGill added: ‘I am still angry. It is so wrong they can overreact as quickly as they did – all because of an Xbox game.’ She insists the school and police should have asked more questions before making their decision.”

Chinese man abducted as a five-year-old is reunited with his parents 23 years later after using GOOGLE MAPS to find his way home: “A Chinese man has been reunited with his biological family more than 20 years after he was abducted as a little boy – and claims he has Google Maps to thank for finding his way home. Luo Gang, who was born in a small town in Sichuan province, but grew up some 1,500km away in Fujian province after being snatched on his way to kindergarten at the age of five. Luo’s stand-out recollection of the town where he was born was of two bridges. After deciding to go in search of where he came from, Luo posted sketched a rough map of his hometown from memory and posted it on a Chinese website set up to help locate missing children. He was contacted by a user who told him about a couple from a small town in Guangan city, Sichuan province, who had lost a son at the exact time Luo was abducted. The area looked familiar when Luo looked for pictures online, and his suspicions were confirmed when he searched it on Google Maps. After zooming in on satellite images of an area called Yaojiaba, an overcome Luo spotted the two bridges he remembered.”

‘Dangerous’ custard pie fight cancelled because of health and safety fears: “A custard pie fight has been cancelled – because no insurer will cover the ‘dangerous’ event that is classified as a ‘sport’. The flan flinging free-for-all was scheduled to close the first Bakewell Baking Festival, held in the Derbyshire town which is home to the famous cherry-topped cake. But Mayor Paul Morgans has been unable to find an insurer to cover the event because it is ‘too dangerous’. He said: ‘I have rung round dozens of insurance companies – none of which will cover this event as it is classed as a sport. ‘But really – how can a paper plate and some custard foam be more dangerous than horse riding or rugby or even crossing the road? It’s a classic case of world gone mad. ‘These insurance companies are really damaging our country and taking all the pleasure out of being alive. ‘I’m surprised there isn’t rioting in the streets. It’s ridiculous.’

Cronuts the croissant-donut hybrid: “With a line 30-people deep before Dominique Ansel opened its doors this morning, it’s easy to see why the Manhattan bakery’s new invention, cronuts, are selling within an hour. The cronut – half croissant, half donut – was quietly unveiled last Friday, with a small batch of 50. Three days later, when 200 had sold out by 9.30am, one angry and disappointed customer ‘flipped the finger’ at staff on his way out of the pâtisserie. The cronut, which has already received interest from curious pastry chefs in Hong Kong, Melbourne, and Los Angeles, is made from thin layers of flaky croissant dough that are deep fried, rolled in rose sugar, and then filled with light Tahitian vanilla cream. Rose-flavored glaze thinly coats the top layer, which peels apart like those in a mille crepe cake; finally, crystallized rose petals add a garnish flourish.”

Escaping mugger hit by a bus: “A Colombian thief badly botched his getaway after swiping a woman’s mobile phone in a Bogota bus station. CCTV footage showed the mugger calmly walking up to his victim in a Bogota bus station and snatching her bag. A brief struggle ensues before the man attempts to make his getaway. As he dashes out of the station, a bus suddenly pulls in, knocking him over and dragging him underneath the bus. Remarkably, the mugger’s victim then helped rescue him from underneath the vehicle. After being treated in hospital, the man was arrested by police.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

India — A true story

Indian mothers can give Yiddisher Mommas some competition

Neel Shah’s father, Kishor, came from a small village in Gujarat. The eldest of seven children, after graduating from an engineering college in India, in 1966 he made his way to America, to study for a masters in automotive engineering at Oklahoma State University, and then took a job at Ford in Detroit.

Five years later he returned to India to find a wife. Friends and relations had been alerted to look for a suitable candidate. Finally three were settled upon. Two were from prosperous families, highly suitable material. The third, Kishori, was a simple girl of great sweetness of character who had nursed her mother through a long and fatal illness.

Kishor and his family were unable to decide whom he should choose. Eventually his mother, Lalita, made a proposal: she would write the names of the girls on pieces of paper and put them in a hat. Kishor dutifully reached in his hand and drew out the piece bearing the name… Kishori.

Shortly after the wedding, Kishor returned to America, to prepare a home for his new bride. For seven months they came to know each other only by letter, until she was able to join him. They have now been married for 41 years, a happy union that produced two children. It would be some years after their wedding that they discovered that Lalita had written Kishori’s name on all three pieces of paper.

Original story here

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Philippines: Coin toss breaks tie in mayoral race: “A coin toss has decided the winner of the position of mayor in a central Philippines town after two candidates received the same number of votes. Marvic Feraren triumphed over Boyet Py from San Teodoro town in Mindoro Oriental province after both had received 3,236 votes in Monday’s poll.”

African technology: “Their project might not sound like much: The college students on Wednesday launched a tiny model of a satellite the size of a soda can on a big yellow balloon. It went aloft to a height of 165 meters (yards) and then came back down attached to a parachute. Yet in this developing West African country, ambitious organizers — who recently launched the Ghana Space Science and Technology Center — see the test as a sign of bigger things to come”

Burglar betrayed by his sweet tooth: “A burglar was betrayed by his own sweet tooth when he was unable to resist some Jaffa Cakes at a house in Birmingham. Reece O’Callaghan, who is starting a seven-and-a-half year jail term, helped himself to the cakes and a pasta meal after breaking into the home of an elderly couple. He was spotted at the property by a neighbour and police arrested him nearby, but denied he was the culprit. However, forensic experts found his middle finger imprint on the Jaffa Cake box which meant the evidence “literally pointed” at him, prosecutor Jason Pegg told the City’s Crown Court. The victims, aged 78 and 82, had been away on holiday in July last year when O’Callaghan broke into their home by smashing a window. Once inside he satiated his appetite before stealing the valuables, including three televisions.”

Rio Tinto’s rare red diamonds on display: “Diamonds don’t just come in all shapes and sizes: they come in a rainbow of colours, from cherry blossom pinks and the deepest ruby reds to deep ocean blues and icy whites. Rio Tinto had 64 of them on show from its Argyle Diamond Mine as part of its annual tender process. For the first time in the mine’s 30-year history, the tender includes three extremely rare red diamonds. The 2013 collection also includes 58 pink and three blue diamonds. “Since mining began in 1983 only six diamonds certified as Fancy Red by the Gemmological Institute of America have been presented for sale at the annual tender,” Argyle Pink Diamonds manager Josephine Johnson said. “To have three of these red diamonds on one tender is a very special moment in time.” Ms Johnson said that in 2008 the mine sold a red diamond for more than $1 million a carat. The largest red diamond on the 2013 tender is a 1.56 carat round gem”

Man finds $4.85 million in cookie jar: “A US man failed to claim $4.85 million in lottery winnings for three months because the lucky ticket was stuffed away in a cookie jar. Ricardo Cerezo purchased the winning ticket for a Lotto drawing on February 2. He put it in a rainy day fund, along with 10 other tickets, where it remained unchecked until May. “I can’t believe I had $4.85 million in a cookie jar for over three months,” Mr Cerezo told the Geneva Patch. Mr Cerezo’s wife eventually cajoled him into checking the hidden stash of tickets at the local 7-Eleven. The first seven tickets were duds, but the eighth scan prompted a deceptively bland message: “File a claim.” By May 15, Mr Cerezo was back at the 7-Eleven to receive a cheque for $4.85 million from lottery officials. Mr Cerezo and his wife will use the winnings to pay off the mortgage, help out their children and support a few of their favourite charities.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Have you ever seen a freaked-out cat?

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Baggy-trousered burglar caught by his pants: “A brave householder grabbed a young burglar by his leg and pulled down his trousers as he fled. Heating engineer Christopher Newbury, 56, clung on to the burglar’s baggy trousers after catching him red-handed during a break-in at his home. The villain was forced to flee in his underwear as Christopher was left holding his trousers to hand over to police as evidence to collar the burglar. Forensic scientists got to the bottom of crime by finding the burglar’s DNA on the pair of baggy trousers. Brave Christopher won a £100 bravery reward from a judge as burglar Mohammed Ali, 21, was jailed. ‘They were those baggy trousers that youngsters wear half way down their backsides these days. ‘He just stepped out of them and ran away in his underwear. But I was left holding the evidence. Ali – who has previous convictions for burglary, robbery and possessing an imitation firearm – handed himself in after realising his DNA was on his baggy trousers.

New gadget for pet owners fires tennis balls up to 100ft: “Dog owners who are bored of playing fetch have a new way to make the everyday pursuit more exciting – a tennis ball cannon. The K-9 Kannon helps kick walkies up a notch by adding real firepower to an amble in the park. And it is also an ideal remedy for the lazy pet owner, as it takes all the effort out of throwing a ball around. The innovative device costs £15, and is designed to fit tennis balls which it can propel up to 100ft. Even more usefully, it features a hands-free pick-up capability so owners do not have to handle chewed-up, slobbered-up and dirty tennis balls.”

Supermarket snobbery in Britain: “Wealthy residents on the millionaire’s row of Sandbanks were today planning to boycott a Tesco store which is set to open in the high-class neighbourhood. The supermarket giant unveiled its plans to turn a pub on the sandy peninsula in Poole Harbour, Dorset, into a store last year, which sparked uproar from horrified locals. Aghast residents said the store would look ‘like a filling in a set of teeth’ and thought a Waitrose or Marks and Spencer would be more suited to the affluent area. A petition was started in a bid to stop the convenience shop opening in Sandbanks, which is the fourth most expensive area in the world to live. But Tesco have now revealed that they are continuing with the controversial plans, and the store is expected to open in July. Under development rights regulations, the supermarket chain is able to convert the Sandacres pub into a shop without planning permission.”

Artist, 31, creates oil painting of dream husband – and weds his spitting image three years later: “An artist has married the man of her dreams four years after painting his lookalike in a prophetic piece of artwork. In 2009, Chloe Mayo, who was single at the time, quickly dashed off an oil painting of her holding hands with a handsome, dark bearded man. In her search for love, Chloe joined an online dating website, and began messaging Michael Goeman, 30. Two months later the pair met – and Chloe was shocked to find Michael was the spitting image of the man in her painting. In fear of putting off her new lover, Chloe hid the uncanny painting under her bed, only revealing it once she had been on more dates with Michael. Thankfully, he was not put off by the painting and they continued their relationship for a further 18 months until he proposed while they were holidaying in the south of France.”

Socialist country runs out of butt fodder: “First milk, butter, coffee and cornmeal ran short. Now Venezuela is running out of the most basic of necessities – toilet paper. Blaming political opponents for the shortfall, as it does for other shortages, the embattled socialist government says it will import 50 million rolls to boost supplies. One supermarket in the capital on Wednesday was out of toilet paper. Another had just received a fresh batch, and it quickly filled up with shoppers as the word spread. Economists say Venezuela’s shortages stem from price controls meant to make basic goods available to the poorest parts of society and the government’s controls on foreign currency. ‘State-controlled prices – prices that are set below market-clearing price – always result in shortages. ‘The shortage problem will only get worse, as it did over the years in the Soviet Union,’ said Steve Hanke, professor of economics at Johns Hopkins University.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Fifty SHEDS Of Grey

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall…but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly. “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred. “Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.” So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!” “Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos. “I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.

“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. “Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked. “When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.” She nodded. “Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge suite on eBay.

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!” “Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

NH: City sues Robin Hood for feeding parking meters: “A city in New Hampshire is suing a group that signs letters ‘Robin Hood and his Merry Men’ that make a point of searching for expired parking meters and paying them before police can issue a ticket. The group, comprised of six ‘Robin Hooders,’ search the town of Keene for delinquent drivers and leave a note behind that says, ‘Your meter expired; however, we saved you from the king’s tariffs.’ The note is signed, ‘Robin Hood and his Merry Men,’ and urges recipients to consider ‘paying it forward,’ The Washington Times reported.”

A really charming Muslim: “The honeymoon is over for Mohammed Ahmed. The 21-year-old Illinois man was arrested for soliciting a prostitute last week while he was honeymooning with his new wife in Florida. Ahmed was among 92 people nabbed in a prostitution sweep conducted by Polk County Sheriff’s Office. The alleged john answered an online ad, on website Backpage.com, which, to his horror, turned out to be planted by an undercover deputy as part of the four-day operation. Ahmed left his newlywed in their room at the Omni Hotel in Champions Gate when he went off on his sojourn to pay for sex. When he never returned, the worried bride called the sheriff’s office to report him missing. She was quickly told he was in fine health – but wouldn’t be resuming the vacation because he was in a jail cell having been booked on charges of soliciting prostitution. The catch of a husband was also charged with possession of marijuana.”

Nice doggie: “IN a case of life imitating the Henry Lawson story The Loaded Dog, a five-month-old puppy caused a police incident when he brought home what appeared to be a 20cm stick of dynamite. Mrs Evans put the explosive aside and took the kids to school before returning to investigate. She then took the explosive into the family’s road machinery factory at the rear of her property in Haven – south of Horsham in Victoria’s west. After emailing photos to friends and searching the internet, Mrs Evans was sure Harry had brought home either dynamite or gelignite. Police were called in and photos sent to the bomb squad. After a tense wait the explosive was revealed to be a large fire cracker.”

Is this the luckiest man in America? Retired postal worker wins lottery for the FOURTH time: “Winning the lottery just once would be the experience of a lifetime for most people. But retired postal worker Melvyn Wilson has managed it an astonishing four times. Mr Wilson, from Woodbridge, Virginia, first struck lucky in 2004 when he won $25,000 on a scratchcard. But his luck didn't stop there and he won another two scratchcard jackpots the following year. He picked up $1 million in his first win and then another $500,000 later that year. And now Mr Wilson has won for a fourth time – collecting $500,000 in the Virginia Lottery's Millionaire Mania scratch-off game. His winnings over the years total $2,025,000. Mr Wilson, who retired from the postal service in 2007, played down his lucky streak, stating: 'I'm just in the right place at the right time.'"

How listening to ‘sad songs’ heals the blues: “Listening to sad songs is best way to get over a break up as it has same soothing effect as a sympathetic friend, researchers find. Sir Elton John once sang that listening to Sad Songs was the perfect way to recover from a relationship breakdown. But now psychologists appear to have uncovered evidence to support the pop star’s conclusions that they really do “say so much”. A new international study has found listening to sad music was the best way to recover from a relationship break-up as it had the same soothing effect as a sympathetic friend. Researchers concluded that when consumers experienced serious emotional distress they turned to a surrogate to replace a lost personal bond and lift their mood. Their findings appear to contradict popular opinion that upbeat music or humorous movies were a better way to beat distress. “Like a sympathetic friend, music, movies, paintings, or novels that are compatible with our current mood and feelings are more appreciated when we experience broken or failing relationships.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.